Chapter 34

"And what are you smiling at?"

I glanced up from my phone quickly, trying not to look too guilty. "Oh, nothing. I mean, well, just Kathryn confirming on a celebration next weekend - we didn't have anything arranged, did we?"

"Not that I can think of, no," Debbie said, pursing her lips. "What sort of celebration? I mean, is it a group thing, because I'd really like to meet this woman I've heard so much about..."

"Oh... I really don't know," I confessed, "she said to leave it to her so I think probably we're just going sailing somewhere nice? You should, though," I added. "Meet her, I mean. I'll arrange something, yeah?"

"That would be lovely, sweetheart."

"Okay, great." But not next time, maybe, I found myself thinking - after all, our next dinner together would be part of our quiet celebration of victory over beaurocracy and funding crises and so on... Debbie didn't want to be around for that...

My girlfriend shifted, reaching to switch the lamp on, the book in her lap flipping closed at the movement. "Are you almost done with work for the night, then? Because I could use some quality cuddling time before bed..."

"Um... yeah," I said eventually. "I mean, I'd like that." Way to sound unenthusiastic...

Either Debbie didn't notice or she was getting good at ignoring my failings as a partner, as she just smiled and scooted over to make room for me on the sofa. "C'mere then, you."

With a smile that I hoped looked rather keener than I felt, I did as I was instructed, cursing myself all the time for not having the guts or the inclination to shake things up by doing what I ought to and ending this before anyone was going to be too badly hurt. I liked to think that Debbie knew, too, that this was 'just for now' - certainly she had never dropped any 'L bombs' even though it had been months now.

She was a sweet person, and I enjoyed her company, but even as I snuggled against her I was thinking of another warm body, this one slim but strong, arms wrapped around me and barely straining to support my whole weight, and I was beginning to wonder whether I wouldn't at least feel more honest if I was alone, even if I would be lonely without her company and affection.

 

Luckily I didn't have much time to dwell on my guilt during the next week; preparations for the Summit were in full swing and I spent almost every waking hour either typing up last-minute notes, making photocopies, wrangling the Operations Department to make sure we'd have enough tables and chairs and liaising with teachers and students to make sure that everyone who said they were going to show up would.

By the next Thursday evening, everything was, it seemed, in place for the Summit launch on Monday, and Kathryn and I were finally sitting down to food together either side of a table in our usual pub.

She had been just as busy as me during the week, which had meant we hadn't really gotten to see each other or touch base other than quick emails or phonecalls back and forth. It was just as well as I didn't need the distraction, though I had been looking forward to this dinner all week.

"To a well-organized and smooth-running event," Kathryn was saying, raising her glass and smiling at me expectantly.

I raised mine in return, clinking it lightly to hers and smiling back. "So well-organised that I didn't manage to book anywhere nicer for dinner," I said apologetically.

"Nothing wrong with the tried and tested," she said with a generous shake of her head. "Besides, it's the company that counts."

My smile turned into a grin at this - I'm not sure I'd have felt it if you slapped me. "So what are we doing at the weekend?" I asked now.

"Well, that depends," Kathryn replied, a somewhat mischievous expression coming over her features now.

I narrowed my eyes a little. "...On?"

"How well you get along with sulky teenagers?"

My lips twitched slightly. "The Summit doesn't start until Monday..."

"Hah. Well, consider this practice, then."

"Oh yes?"

"Mmhmm. And I'm not saying any more," she told me, grinning. "I want it to be a surprise. Just be ready to go by seven."

"I'll... be waiting," I said more confused than ever. Obviously it hadn't escaped my memory that Kathryn had a thirteen year old son, and I had to assume that this weekend was therefore to include him in some way, but I couldn't see why she would want me tagging along if she was spending time with him.

"Good!" Deftly Kathryn turned the conversation to other topics; she seemed almost too animated now, though perhaps it was just the giddiness of a huge project nearly completed.

Still, I'd become quite adept by now at pushing any nervousness or worry aside and just enjoying my time with her for what it was, so I did just that, and the rest of our dinner passed as pleasantly as every one before it. We left after just one drink - we both had too much to do to linger longer, sadly, but the thought of Saturday's 'surprise' had me grinning all the way home.

 

[ 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 ]