Chapter 46

Suddenly life had grown rather boring. It wasn't that anything had changed on the surface, as far as I could tell - work settled back down and I went back to my classes and analysis, Kathryn and I continued to sail every couple of weekends (although we didn't 'borrow' Keith's yacht again), and I slowly got used to being single again. My social life became a little banal as I politely avoided events that Debbie would be attending - I felt I owed her that - but all-in-all that wasn't so bad, either, and it wasn't though I had been a social butterfly to start with.

In some ways it felt like I had just woken up from a very vivid dream: the Summit, my relationship with Debbie, the strange and not completely unreciprocated feelings for Kathryn... I remembered them all but as time went on they got less and less real, until I could almost convince myself that I hadn't had a job I loved, a pretty and pleasant girlfriend, a boss who tied my stomach in knots whenever I saw her.

Well, that last bit wasn't completely gone, I suppose. But the... dangerous... edge to it, the feeling that it might tip over into something else, something new and scary, had. I still felt that ache sometimes when she smiled in my direction, or we passed too close on a corridor. But the spark had gone. It was something safely packed away, and certainly I never again got any sense from Kathryn that she either acknowledged or returned my feelings.

And that was for the best - or at least, that's what I told myself. I had never been that good at lying, though, and my mood began to slump again. Not below what it had been before I moved to [place], but I was getting restless again.

Maybe it was the universe listening in, then, that made the perfect opportunity present itself. Not that I realized it at the time - all I got then was a somewhat terse email from Kathryn asking me to report to her office as soon as I could.

 

She looked thoroughly as I knocked and let myself in to her office, sifting through what looked to be an awful lot of new paperwork that had found its way directly onto her desk - curious, as usually any documentation would pass through me first. She did nod to the chair in front of her, though, and so I sat down rather tentatively.

"So, as you know, from time to time the department is called to do fieldwork," she launched into straightaway. "Sometimes for research, occasionally for profit."

"Um, yes..." I did, of course - and indeed we'd had a little earlier in the year, but I was rarely called upon to actually go to the field myself as all my work was done with samples brought back to the lab. So I was a little confused.

"Well, a few months ago I applied for a grant from (some place) and it's just come through." At this she couldn't help the small smile that grew on her lips. "Once the academic year winds down I'll be leading a group in Brazil."

"Ah." I could help it, for all that I'd come to terms with the new way of things, my heart plummeted into my stomach at the thought of a summer without Kathryn.

"It's been too long since I've had a chance to do any fieldwork, and there's a site that needs a follow-up study done. So I'm going, and I'd like you to come with me."

I blinked. "To Brazil?"

"Where else?"

My heart was back in my throat again. "Er, right. I mean, great!" I said, stammering a little now. "Who else will you be taking along?"

She named a few other people from the department, none of them too surprising. The only person I was surprised she was bringing was me.

"Right, well," I began now, trying to sound less shocked and more businesslike than I felt. "So what do we need to do about visas and so on? Obviously you're welcome to pass me any paperwork if Sarah's going to be too busy - it being the end of the year and all..."

"I'll check with her and forward on if need be, but she's pretty good about this sort of stuff; she has her own 'system' and everything," Kathryn said with a grin. "You just worry about what to do with your flat for the summer, mm?"

"Wow... yeah. God. For how long?"

"Oh... about two months, I'd imagine? I don't have the exact dates yet."

I nodded, still not quite taking it all in. "Right. Right. Well... I guess I'd better renew my passport."

Kathryn chuckled, nodding. "Probably a good idea. And buy some sunscreen."

 

"Brazil? You're shitting me..." Lynn was suitably shocked, it seemed.

"Um... nope. Brazil." I was trying to keep my grin in check - once the surprise had worn off I'd begun to become pretty excited. Now I was just waiting for the abject terror to set in.

"Wow. For the whole summer? That's like... that's amazing, Lex. A tropical holiday and you're getting paid for it? Wow."

"Well, in fairness there won't be much 'holidaying' per se," I said. "We'll probably be spending most of it sweating away in a hut in the middle of a rainforest..."

"You and Professor Hot-as-Sinclair, I know." Lynn smirked, reaching for the whisky bottle. "Sounds like paradise."

I made a face. "God, I wish you hadn't reminded me of that..."

"Oh, but it's exciting! For me, at least."

"You're planning to live vicariously through my unrequited obsession?"

"Hell no - I'm going to be living through my own hookups and love affairs. But, y'know, I want to hear about your thing too. Especially if it ever becomes requited..."

"Hah, yeah, that's never going to happen. I don't know what I was on before when I thought maybe..."

"Wait, excuse me?" Lynn caught my uncertainty and latched on. "You thought she might fancy you back? And you didn't tell me? Lex, for shame! What happened? Tell me everything!"

"No, no, it was nothing like that!" I frowned. "I just... It was ages ago, during the Summit? And it was nothing - we were pretty drunk, and sort of high on how well it had all gone, and she... hugged me, that's all. And I dunno, I thought for a second... but she's been totally normal since, I mean, nothing. It was in my head, for sure."

"Or she was waiitng on you to make the move and you blew it! C'mon, Lex... waitaminute." Lynn's expression grew suspicious. "The Summit... wasn't that when you were still with Debbie?"

I hoped that my face didn't register the pang of guilt I immediately felt. "Well, yet another reason why I couldn't have acted on anything, even if it had been real."

"Wow, that's so... romantic," Lynn sighed.

I made a face. "What?"

"You know... two people, kept apart by all these things... it's romantic!"

"Well, except that we're not 'kept apart' - I'm a moron and she's not interested."

"Oh, whatever, " she said, waving a hand dismissively. "You don't know that. And now you're going to get a chance to find out!"

"It's work, Lynn..."

"Hot, sweaty work. In a jungle. For two months!"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. There was just no arguing with Lynn.

 

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