Chapter 56

I drifted back into consciousness to find myself lying alone. Well, not completely - as I cracked my eyes open I saw that Kathryn was actually still next to me, shimmying back into her shorts. She must've noticed me waking, as she looked down a second later and smiled. "Hey. Rain's stopped. Feel like hiking back?"

"Mm." I stretched, and nodded. "I suppose," I said, not a little reluctantly. What happened when we got back? I had a horrible feeling that the answer was 'nothing'.

"Just have to pack up the tent - I'll go pull the pegs while you get ready." With that Kathryn slipped on her boots and unzipped the flap, shooting me another grin before slipping outside.

I pulled my own clothes on quickly, and followed as soon I was able, dragging the packs out after me. It took me a moment to realise why I felt so disoriented - it should surely be getting dark by now. Tipping my head to listen to the sounds around me, something occured to me. "Were we out here all night?"

"Your stomach hasn't told you that already? God, mine's been grumbling for hours. There's some snacks but we'll have to wait to get back to camp for anything more substantial."

"Right." I wondered when the rain had stopped - surely it hadn't gone on the rest of the day? Hadn't Kathryn noticed? Or was it possible she had wanted to stay where we were? I daren't entertain the thought.

"C'mon, let's head out. Can't wait to see what Tim and Georgie have done in our absence."

 

Tim and Georgie, it turned out, had held the fort down admirably - they hadn't started work for the day yet, which was exactly what we preferred, and had instead spent their time doing basic maintenance, tightening guy-ropes, clearing clutter and so on. They looked pleased but not terribly relieved to see us - presumably they too had had the rainstorm and surmised that we were waiting it out somewhere on the trail.

Kathryn greeted them warmly and between the four of us we unloaded the packs of food and supplies. By then it was almost lunchtime - it wouldn't be long until the mid-afternoon rainstorm but Kathryn sent them off to do a bit of sample-collecting to keep us on schedule. That left us to prepare the meal, a task which should've given us time to talk, but instead left only a pregnant silence.

The rest of the day went... tolerably. I managed to keep from blurting anything stupid out, and I actually succeeded in getting some work done. Kathryn helped a bit, though she also spent time with Tim, discussing some of the samples he had brought back and answering questions. After dinner we sat around the campfire for a while, trading stories, though all I could think about was what would happen when we had to retire to bed.

I left the assembled company first, hunting down a book I hadn't read yet and curling up on my cot to read. Kathryn came in about half an hour later, zipping the tent behind her and giving me a small smile. She looked slightly flushed, probably from the campfire, and immediately sought out the bottle of water she always kept next to her cot for a drink. "Any good?"

"You tell me," I said with a slight smile, holding up her manuscript. "So far it's lacking plot, but I love the characterisation."

"Hah. It's a good sleep aid, if nothing else." She sat down on her cot, running a hand through her scraped-back hair, which had just recently become long enough to pull away from her face. "So does this mean it's my turn for airport trash?"

I hesitated - I wanted to say something, right away, just clear the air. But I didn't. "If you... like," I said eventually, nodding toward my little pile of books.

Standing, she leaned over to pick out the book I had been reading most recently from the pile, turning it over to glance at the back before apparently deciding it was acceptable. Instead of moving back to 'her side' of the tent, however, she sat down at the end of my cot, glancing over at me with raised eyebrows in a silent query. Surprised and a little confused, I could only shrug and nod, managing at least to smile at her, albeit I'm sure it was a little on the shaky side. After all, I wasn't totally sure to what, exactly, I was giving my assent. Not that it mattered. After all, she could have anything and everything she wanted as far as I was concerned.

We read for some time by the light of the tiny lantern; Kathryn was quite fast and managed to get through a significant portion of the novel, though I had slower going with the manuscript. Eventually though I was ready for sleep, having had a long but not terribly comfortable night's sleep the previous day, and I stood, moving over to where my clothes were stored to strip off for bed - usually I just changed my light trousers and underwear for boxers, having changed my teeshirt before dinner after the heat of the day had passed. It was strange how quickly one got used to new rituals. I hesitated tonight, sure I could feel Kathryn's eyes on me, but it occurred to be that it was a bit late now to be shy and I went ahead and changed as normal, turning to find that she had shifted to do just the same and was clad in only her vest and underwear now, though she was still sitting at the end of my cot.

Though it seemed that there were clear signs to be read, I still couldn't help feeling presumptuous, even just taking a seat beside her as I did now, close, but not so close that our bare legs touched.

"The cots aren't really made for two," she murmured, turning towards me, though she couldn't quite seem to meet my eyes. "We could put the sleeping bags on the ground, or if you'd rather just stay here..."

I did a mental doubletake, though my mind seemed to be the only thing still trying to catch up because I feel the rest of me keying up all by itself, my pulse skipping a little. "I, um... we could... mattresses. On the groundsheet. Together." At that point I cracked a little at how ridiculous I sounded, and a nervous giggle escaped my throat - which in turn made me laugh at my own ridiculousness. "God, I'm sorry," I said, shaking my head, "I'm such a dork."

"But a practical one," Kathryn replied with a grin, already standing to divest her cot of its thin mattress. It was a couple of beats beats before I found the presence of mind to stand and do the same myself, having to fold the light frame in half and stack it out of the way to make room for my half of our new 'bed' on the ground.

We both spread our sleeping bags over the mattresses - it was much too warm to think we'd need one of them over us - and then lay down, the first few moments an awkward concert of arranging limbs and settling against one another. It felt much stranger now than it had the previous day, where there'd been little time to think about anything. My stomach flipped a little as I remembered it - lying there, mind set on the fact that I couldn't continue this way, that there was now no question in my mind that I would have to quit when we got back to England, and then Kathryn's mouth was against mine...

That, at least, I'd understood - or although I didn't understand it it at least made sense to me in isolation in that way that sex itself is never as confusing as the emotions or actions that bookend it. This, though... Kathryn's legs were woven together with mine, an arm beneath my neck, and her free hand was lightly trailing up my side, and it was... well, it was certainly stimulating. But it wasn't... frenzied. It was slow, almost meandering. As though it could go anywhere or nowhere and that wouldn't matter. And that was confusing.

The smart thing would've been to stop her, to ask what was going on and why she was doing that and didn't she know I was in love with her? I couldn't bear the idea of the inevitable knock-back though, not after my hopes had been raised so high, and though it was cowardly I justified it to myself as 'better than nothing'.

Kathryn leaned in to kiss me softly, her eyes fluttering closed. Her hand continued its leisurely exploration of my body, stoking feelings that were no less intense for all their slowness.

Still utterly lost, it seemed that there was little I could do, having chosen this course of action or at least enabled it, but kiss her back. As I slid a hand up her side beneath her vest and felt her stomach tense beneath my touch I was put in mind of that old, oft-covered Peggy Lee number, the fade out with its simple bassline and repeated line:

What a lovely way to burn
What a lovely way to burn
What a lovely way to burn...

 

[ 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 ]