Chapter 62

I'll confess, I didn't get much work done that day. My ability to organise and take notes had basically evaporated when Kathryn had left my office, and I spent a good portion of the day just staring at my computer screen as though willing it to suck me in and have done with it.

Eventually I had had enough and left, trudging through the hallway without really seeing it or the people I passed. Word of my resignation was beginning to get around but I had no patience or energy left to talk to people about it. I was looking forward to getting home and hiding under the duvet - I was not expecting to have any reason to do otherwise for the foreseeable future. And I certainly was not expecting a fully-constructed tent in the middle of my tiny living room.

I was pretty stunned - as house invasions go it was surreal to say the least. I knew that there could only be one person inside, but somehow I couldn't quite bring myself to believe it until I had crouched in front of it and pulled back the flap.

"Um. Hi," Kathryn said, giving me a look that was more terrified than anything else, as if it had been Bigfoot who had unzippped the tent, not her former assistant. "I, ah, bribed your neighbor to let me in. She remembered me from our sailing weekends."

I frowned. "All right..." I said. The whole situation was completely ridiculous but I was too drained to even be mildly amused. I must have looked utterly miserable, because Kathryn frowned, scooting back further in the tent to make room for me.

"Alex, could you please just... come in for a minute? I have something important to say and as stupid as it sounds I'd rather do it in here."

I hesitated. My memories of being with Kathryn in a tent weren't ones I particularly wanted to revisit right now. Besides... "I... don't think we should be hiding in a tent together," I said, withdrawing. "If you want to talk you need to come out." Okay, at least that one made me smile. Albeit dryly.

I thought for a moment she might refuse, but eventually, grudgingly, she made to move out of the tent. There was a tense moment when she emerged and we both stared at each other, unsure, but somehow we ended up on the sofa, shifting uneasily. Eventually Kathryn cleared her throat.

"Um. Well. Sorry again about the tent thing. I can, ah, take it down if you like."

"It's fine. Later."

"Okay. Listen, Alex, I... I came here because there were things I should've said earlier that I didn't, and I don't think I can... not say them. If you know what I mean."

I swallowed. I wasn't at all sure I wanted to hear this. "Look, Kathryn, you don't need to. What happened... I'm not going to tell anyone. I have no intention of getting you in trouble with anyone."

"I know," she blurted, blushing immediately and ducking her head. "I mean... thank you. But that's not what I wanted to say. Well, yet, anyway."

I frowned. "All right..."

"You're amazing, Alex. Incredible." Kathryn looked up at me, her eyes wide and dark. "And I... I..."

Brow still furrowed, I almost interrupted her, taking in a breath, not sure I was ready to process whatever Kathryn was about to say. But I didn't.

She seemed to lose her nerve for a moment, her long fingers playing over her knees and thighs distractedly. "I don't want you to resign because seeing you is the highlight of my day. And the idea of not seeing you... God, I don't know how I can face it, Alex. Even if it's just over a desk, in the office. It's better than nothing."

I shook my head slowly. "I can't do this. I can't pretend Brazil didn't happen, and I can't just sit in a room down the office from you every day remembering that."

Kathryn's face fell. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I just want you to know... I wasn't using you. What happened between us in Brazil... it was because I care for you very deeply. And I'm sorry if I've upset you because of that. I never meant to."

"I just..." My resolve threatened to crumple, but I took a deep breath. If Kathryn was being honest, so could I. "It wasn't like that for me. It wasn't... I wanted that from - I don't know - from almost the day we met, I suppose, and to have it and then lose it like that..." I shook my head. "If I can't have you I don't think I can be near you. I think you're amazing too, but I can't go back to just being friends. I'm so sorry."

"What?" She blinked, her face going white, then flooding with color. "Alex, I... I don't want to just be friends. I just thought... it was better than not having you at all."

At least, I thought that's what I heard. But the last part of the sentence was lost in the rushing sound in my ears of my pulse suddenly speeding. "I, um... I don't..." I stammered.

"I'm in love with you."

I had imagined Kathryn saying that so many times that for a moment I thought I was just hearing it in my head. It was a long moment before I could say anything, and then when I did, I made an utter fool of myself as usual. "But... why?"

She hadn't been expecting that question. "Well, because... because I do. And because you're incredible. You are smart, and funny, and talented, and beautiful, and... and you make me happy. Happier than anyone else has made me in a long time. And miserable too, sometimes."

I felt the beginnings of a smile rising up in me. "I guess that... sounds about right..." I murmured, shifting round a little on the couch to face her more fully.

Now it was Kathryn's turn to look uncertain. "It does?"

"Happier and more miserable than anyone else both at the same time?" I said, nodding, my eyes brightening with tears again. "Yeh, I can relate to that."

"Oh." She cracked a smile at the same time as she let out a slightly strangled sob, one hand flying up to press to her lips.

Suddenly I was the one with purpose and presence of mind. Leaning forward, I pulled her hand away, bringing it to my mouth briefly before tugging her closer. She came to me willingly, almost melting against me despite her advantage in height, and soon my arms were wrapped tightly around her, my urge to kiss her overruled by the need to just get her as physically close to me as I could.

"Oh God, Alex, I can't believe..." She shook her head, burying her face in my neck. The next thing she said was muffled, and the sensation of her lips moving on my skin made me squirm.

"Pardon?" I asked gently, pulling back just slightly.

"I can't believe we almost missed this," she murmured, meeting my eyes. "All because I was too afraid to just tell you how I felt..."

I smiled again. "I was as bad as you were," I said, leaning in to kiss her before I said something too corny or clichéd. She seemed to prefer this to talking too, closing her eyes and leaning into the kiss eagerly. I could almost feel the relief flooding through me as a physical sensation, though a moment later I realized it could very well be something else entirely. I had release her to shrug off the jacket I was still wearing, our lips never parting as I removed it, and then my hands were back on her, slipping up beneath beneath her shirt, smoothing lightly across her skin as I refamiliarised myself with the contours of her back and sides. It had only been nine days, all told, but it had felt like a century.

Eventually Kathryn pulled back, her cheeks flushed and her lips full and pink. She immediately reached up to stroke my cheek, grinning at me as if she had just won the lottery.

"I still quit, you know," I said, though I was smiling this time.

Her grin flickered, but then she leaned in to press another kiss to my lips. "I don't know how I'm going to replace you. Or how we're going to convince anyone to work for me with our reputation."

"True enough," I murmured, touching my forehead to Kathryn's. "Maybe you shouldn't have any more assistants..."

"I'm sure we'll figure something out. Everything's got to be easier from here on out."

"I love you too." Kathryn looked mildly startled at first and I pulled back slightly to meet her eyes. "Sorry, just thought I should get that in there before you started to worry."

"Oh. I... suppose I would have eventually," she said, grinning. "In fact, I still might. So you should tell me again."

"Plenty of time for that," I murmured, leaning back in to kiss her.

She smiled against my mouth, hands sliding around my waist, and I wondered how I had ever doubted any of this.

 

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