Random Access Memories

Cerys woke herself up screaming again.

She knew she'd been screaming, because her throat hurt and her ears were ringing. She also knew she'd been thrashing around in her bed - the sheets were tangled around her legs, her skin clammy with sweat in the cool air of her room. She knew that if she reviewed the visual log for her room, she would see herself writhing, struggling, arching in what looked like pain, and though there was no sound she would see that her mouth was open, her lungs heaving as she cried out.

She also knew that she was done with sleep for the night. It wasn't that she was scared to fall back asleep - indeed, she was quite tired, her conscious mind unburdened by whatever terrors had visited themselves on her dreams. But if she turned back over, closed her eyes, she knew that some instinct that she could not control would jerk her awake every time she dozed off, over and over again, right through until her shift alarm rang.

Sighing, she sat up in her bunk, kicking off the sheets and swinging her legs over the side. Seeing as she was awake now, she might as well get some work done.

 

Reviewing temporal logs wasn't the most stimulating task in the universe, but it seemed particularly well-suited to long nights like this one. The compound was quiet, at least to Cerys' hearing, but that was no surprise, as each cell was proofed against excessive sound so no inhabitant would be disturbed by their neighbors - even neighbors as occasionally loud and disruptive as Cerys.

Cerys' workstation sat at the other end of her long, low room, its bank of screens and interfaces dark at present but for a few dim suspension lights. She flipped a couple of switches to bring the console back to life - technically all workstations should be locked down when unattended, requiring a bioscan for reactivation, but like so many other compound safety measure the practice was rarely enforced, to the point where when the bioscanning system had crashed and gone offline a few months ago it had taken compound security nearly a week to notice.

The console began to emit a low, familiar hum, the screens flickering on and bathing that end of the room in pale blue light. Cerys eased herself into her chair and drew her knees up to her chest, watching as the station ran through its initial diagnostics, the random patterns of lines and numbers almost soothing as they dripped down the screen in front of her.

The tricky thing about temporal logs was that there were so many of them, and they had to be reviewed flawlessly. A computer could do what it did perfectly, but no computer algorithm could accurately spot the subtle loops and glitches that could be the difference between stability and chaos. To a keen human eye the glitches were obvious in their nonsensicality, but human beings had daydreams, low attention spans, distractions. Humans missed things. So how did you get flawless data checking with the lateral thinking ability of the human brain?

Bracing herself, Cerys flipped the connection switch and waited for the kick-in-the-brain that meant the network had found her.

It jolted her bodily; luckily the chair was designed for this, its padded headrest and sculpted shape holding her easily as she arched her back briefly then relaxed, sinking further into its depths. Busily she scanned the displays, the cyware neurotransmitter implanted in her brain firing rapidly as the link uploaded data directly through her synapses and back again. Cerys sighed with satisfaction and accessed the most recent logs; with any luck she would be done in a few hours, enough time to walk outside before her shift officially began.

Log reviews had to be completed - if they weren't done by compound staff, the company would hire temps for it, kids barely out of school jacked into the computer pool in the basement for days on end until the job was done. They were slower than the trained operatives but no less accurate. However, the company much preferred to farm out the reviews as 'overtime' to their current staff, a nice little addition to their pay packet on a commission basis, by quantity rather than time taken.

Given company pay, the rarely had to hire temps. Everyone did overtime, and the logs got done.

The batch Cerys was current working on was a pretty dull one - were she not being kept awake by the implant she might even have been able to fall back asleep in the face such a monotonous train of information. The walls were holding, no glitches or loops had emerged, and everything - and everywhere, and everywhen - was as it should be. There were certain sectors of the city that tended toward chaos a little more than others, where Holes were known to form and loops would start appearing, people stuck in recurring cycles without realising it. But this log was from a stable zone and nothing of that kind seemed to have happened. A few years ago she might have been diverted by the stories of the people she could see living their lives (albeit at high speed) in their homes and streets and workplaces - their trials and pleasures, their triumphs and disasters - but by now she'd seen everything. No family drama, no personal crisis really grabbed her anymore. It was all just life.

Well, life as she understood it, anyway. Life she had learned from observation, not experience. Techs didn't get much in the way of lives - sure, a week off here, a fortnight there, and maybe a long way down the line retirement and a few years of normalcy, but for now... well, this was life. Her bed, this machine, this cell. It didn't match any of the patterns she saw, it couldn't be modelled with any of the numbers flowing in front of her. But for most, it was enough.

 

"Okay, okay, you're nearly there, but we need to tweak it a bit further. Could you lift the whole panel off, give me a better look at what's inside?"

Nia waited patiently as the mechanic gingerly removed the side panel, flexing her fingers to test the calibration of the long, spindly metal arm currently waiting as her proxy in the room. It responded perfectly, as she knew it would, and once the panel was off she maneuvered it closer, reaching out to part the thick mess of cables and wiring with a hand. "Just one second," she murmured into her mouthpiece.

The man stood back, letting the robotic arm sift carefully through the woven fibres of the patch. He whistled softly as Nia eased a layer back to find a rip in the fabric - only a tiny one, but enough that the tear was visible even to the naked eye.

"Shit." Nia felt the tell-tale thrum of her heart as she eyed the rent in the fabric; only a tiny tear, but that was enough. "Best stand back," she instructed the mechanic, retracting the arm and swivelling the camera to scan the rows of attachments in the tool box. Things aren't holding as long as they used to. Either the materials are getting worse, or whatever's causing them is...

Picking a fine stitcher, Nia plugged a 'finger' in and retracted the arm, pulling the now fitted attachment with it and zooming back in on the tear. It was fine, meticulous work; only a handful of the Corps was suited for detail such as this. Small-scale rips didn't need to be handled remotely like the big ones did, but Nia had special dispensation to use her ARM at all times; luckily she was adept enough at it that she could handle detail work just as well as the big stuff.

"Okay, Nate," she said as she advanced the arm carefully toward the rip, "you're my nose here - tell me if you start to feel twisty, okay?"

"Rightoh," the mechanic said gruffly, standing well back, though still within the peripheral range of Nia's sensors. "You think this is gonna be a quick job?"

"Nope," Nia said with a dry smirk which Nate, of course, couldn't see. "You might wanna make yourself comfortable."

 

Several hours later Nia was wiping the sweat from her brow as Nate packed up the ARM and loaded it into the transport that would bring it back to the compound for maintenance and safekeeping. It had been a long job, that little tear, and she found herself yearning for a hot bath and a good meal; she couldn't quite remember the last time she had eaten. After dialing out an order to the nearest fusion takeaway she stretched and padded into the bathroom to fill the tub.

Ops level Engineers didn't have that many advantages over Basics. The pay was better, but the leave allowance was the same, so generally speaking their lifestyles weren't vastly superior. However, they did get more space in the compound, and that included a bathroom with a tub in it rather than just a wet room for showering. And when you weren't interested in using your leave, the little luxuries were all you had.

Nia had done what she could to make her quarters interesting; there were bright, colorful paintings hung on the walls, thick rugs arranged underfoot covering most of the smooth, cold flooring, and clusters of trinkets and works-in-progress covered nearly every available surface. Most of it was just for fun, but her superior had made it clear that he was always happy to take a look at what she came up with ever since she had modified her ARM to accept non-standard attachments and so there were also one or two more serious projects, sitting off to one side on her 'work' space.

All of this, of course, didn't quite make up for the fact that this - plus occasional glimpses of the hallway outside her door - was all that Nia had seen of the the world with her own eyes for three years now. While she still regularly glimpsed things through the sensors and recorders on her ARM, she was unable to leave her room herself, and though she tried to remain content where she was it was an uneasy situation at best.

It wouldn't be so hard to bear, she felt sometimes, if she just knew why. But there was nothing. She just woke up one morning, stepped out into the hallway, and was immediately hit by such a strong wave of vertigo and nausea that she'd been pushed to her knees by it and it was all she could do to crawl back inside before she passed out from anxiety. Not normally one to let circumstances get the best of her, she had tested it over the years, pushing past the initial dread and leaving her room only to find herself groveling in the hallway on all fours, time and time again. Eventually she stopped trying, resigning herself to a shuttered existence. At least she still had her work.

 

The terrain around the compound was grey and bleak. Even a day like today, sunny and warm, with a light, fresh breeze, could inject no colour into the dry brush and dead trees that were dotted across the landscape that encircled the huge, squat building where Cerys spent nearly all her days. Despite this, over the years she had come to love it in a way, to appreciate its stark outlook. She liked to take this as a sign that despite her gruff exterior she must be, at her core, something of an optimist.

Dead leaves crunched under her feet as she climbed a hummock, reaching the top only to find the same stark landscape stretched out in front of her. She had heard that once more care had been taken with the grounds to keep them green and lush, but over time they had realized that really, no one cared, and so they had been allowed to slip into their current state. The techs, engineers, and mechanics cared too much for what went on at the terminals and in the labs to spare more than a cursory glance out the window, and so Cerys had the entirety of the barren terrain to herself.

As she walked along she threw the occasional glance back at the compound, just to check if anyone had spotted her. It wasn't illegal to walk outside, but she knew if anybody noticed her there would probably be questions, and she didn't feel like having to explain herself to a suited desk jockey. It was on one such sideways glance that a flash of color caught her eye, a small patch of ground near one of the residential corners inexplicably covered in a scattering of crimson and gold.

Again, disinclined to be noticed by some curious operator, Cerys hesitated, intending to just walk on by, but curiosity got the better of her and she found herself approaching with care, keeping a safe distance and skirting around the edge of the building rather than walking right up to it.

She realized as she got nearer that what she was seeing was indeed a patch of wildflowers, sprung up among the dead grasses and stones. Cerys didn't know the names of the slender, long-stalked blooms swaying gently in the breeze but that didn't stop her appreciation of their beauty though the question - how did they get there? - was too hard to ignore.

The surrounding terrain seemed to give no clue - there was no sign of any tilling of the land, and indeed, who would plant a little wildflower garden in a place like this?

Suddenly Cerys spotted another movement out of the corner of her eye; turning, she caught sight of a woman's face in the window above, looking down at her with a panicked expression on her features. As their eyes met the woman froze, her full lips parted in an 'O' of surprise.

Frozen for a moment, Cerys's mind raced. She didn't recognise the woman in question - not surprising given that her quarters implied she was Ops level, at least, not someone Cerys would ever have contact with. Would she be reported for her strange behaviour, wandering about outside residence blocks in the early hours of the morning?

After another moment the woman disappeared, having stepped back away from the window. Knowing better than to linger, Cerys turned to hurry away and was stopped only by the scrape of a window opening and a voice calling out, "Please, wait, come back!"

Cerys knew better than to turn. Better that she get back to her quarters as quickly as she could, better that this woman - just in case - saw as little of her as possible. But there was something in the other woman's tone that made her turn around anyway, made her look back up to the window.

The other woman was there, forearms on the sill, looking down at Cerys beseechingly. Her wild, curling hair showed signs of dampness, as if she had just bathed, and Cerys realized with a start that she was wearing a toweling robe, the white terry weave a startling contrast to the deep tan of her skin. "Please, don't report me, I can explain..."

Cerys shook her head in confusion, thoroughly thrown by the situation. "I... what?"

"The flowers. I know they're not regulation, but they're not hurting anything..."

"Oh." The other woman frowned a little. Then, "I'm pretty sure there are no official regulations about flowers..."

"Yes, but... oh. I suppose not," the woman in the window said consideringly. She tipped her head to one side, eyes narrowing as she regarded Cerys more closely. "Then why were you running away like that?"

"I wasn't running."

"You were leaving pretty quickly."

"I..." Cerys shrugged. "I didn't want any questions about why I would be wandering about outside at this time of the morning," she said eventually, her tone slightly defiant.

"Oh. Well, it is a little strange - I've seen you before, you know," the woman informed her. "But never anybody else."

"I like fresh air." Then, "You planted flowers here. You must come out."

A strange look crossed the other woman's face, and she gave a shake of her head. "I just threw the seeds from the window. I didn't think they'd take, but I guess I got lucky."

Cerys raised her eyebrows. "I guess so. Um." She felt a tickle at the back of her mind and she found herself staring at the woman in the window, now, trying to place her. Surely she wouldn't have forgotten this woman if she'd met her before, with her dark good looks and her silky voice, but for all that she seemed familiar she just couldn't remember ever having seen her before. "Have we met?"

"No," the woman said quickly, almost too quickly. She stared at Cerys for a moment longer before shaking her head, though she somehow seemed less sure than she had a second ago. "I don't think so. I'm Nia."

"Cerys," Cerys replied. "They're, uh. Very nice flowers."

"I just wanted something nice to look at from the window. I think they're beautiful."

"Mm." Cerys glanced about herself. She'd been standing here for some time. "I probably shouldn't be loitering here drawing attention to them, though."

"Oh, right..." Nia's face fell; she was quite transparent, at least, to Cerys' eye. "Well, you can come by and see them any time you like," she offered then.

"I'll bear that in mind," the other woman said a little stiffly, still feeling a little exposed.

"Well, goodbye, I guess."

"Uh, yeah. I'll... see you."

 

Cerys had to fight the urge to break into a run as she made her way back to her sector of the compound, her heart racing a little in spite of her attempts to reassure herself that it was highly unlikely she would have been caught out by two people in one morning.

Her nerves didn't abate even after she was safely inside the compound and the door shut behind her. Maybe it was the unexpected encounter that had thrown her; maybe it had been the dreams the night before. Either way, she felt unsettled and her chair as she sat back into it seemed just a bit too tight, too close.

She flipped one of the switched on the console to power up one of the screens in front of her, navigating as soon as the system booted up to the staff database. Who are you, Nia...

It didn't take her long to locate the other woman's basic profile, detailing her stats, her time with the Corps, the breaches she had worked on. She was an ops level engineer, and it looked from her record as though she specialized in remote work - mostly high-risk tears that required fine detail ARM operation. Cerys' finger hovered over the 'personal info' tab for a long moment before deciding against the invasion of the other woman's privacy - apart from anything else she had never before abused her priority access and she wasn't about to start now.

That didn't keep her from spending some time perusing the public information, trying to get a better idea of the type of person who would sow wildflowers out their window - the type who, thinking they might be in trouble would try to talk the other person round rather than just hide. But Nia Bellas was apparently inscrutable; very little could be determined from her seven years of company service.

Before too long it was time for her shift to begin and Cerys pushed the database to the back, though she didn't close it entirely. There was still something about the other woman... she couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she was used to spotting glitches and something didn't add up.

 

For her own part Nia had no way of satisfying her curiosity in any regard. It was true that she'd seen Cerys wandering the grounds at various times of day or night, but beyond that she had no way of getting the measure of her. She had no access to staff information - it just wasn't in her remit - and she didn't even know the other woman's surname to do a search of the public staff contact directory.

Still, she was quite adept at using her imagination - Cerys was the most interesting thing she had seen out that window in three years and she had spent considerable time musing on her origins, her role in the Corps, her background. Now that she had spoken to her she had more to add - blue eyes, for one, and a slightly husky voice that made Nia wonder if the other woman smoked - that added to the picture without actually elucidating anything.

She had also, however, been disappointingly un-forthcoming, both about herself, her motivations, and about the idea that she might stop by again. Indeed, from the way she had left, clearly keen to get as far away as possible as quickly as possible, she wouldn't be surprised if the other woman never walked that way again. The idea of losing that small part of her day - however pathetic it made her feel to admit it - was upsetting. Being stuck in her room day in and day out meant each small distraction was valued; even if she didn't speak Cerys was something that broke up the day and now... now the days would be a little bit less interesting. With a sigh she looked back out over the flowers, noticing the fresh footprints among them.

Then her com beeped, and she caught out of the corner of her eye her console automatically firing up, specs starting to appear across the screens.

"Right... back to work, then," she muttered, striding over to the console and swinging into her chair.

 

Days passed, some of them longer than others, some busy, some monotonous. Cerys was on split shift and so barely marked the days except to check whether it was light outside when she had free time to stretch her legs. She didn't go back to the wildflowers, though a part of her dearly wanted to.

The majority of her days of system administration and report writing were routine, and though much of her nights she continued to work overtime on the temporal logs. She spotted her share of glitches and flagged them up to be dealt with by the mechanics and engineers on the other side of the compound. Techs only rarely got to deal with glitches outside of spotting them on the system; only occasionally were they needed on the ground to target and predict rips, since usually by the time they needed taken care of they were big enough to see.

Sometimes as a glitch report was filed or a potential loop flagged up, Cerys would wonder momentarily whether it might find its way onto the screen of Nia Bellas.

The name was due to come up again much sooner than Cerys expected it to; perhaps it was just that she had been thinking about it, but one evening in the staff canteen she couldn't help but overhear a muttered "Bellas again" from a young mechanic the next table over. Keeping her eyes on her plate, Cerys leaned back slightly, listening in on the conversation taking place behind her.

"...never seen her, you know? Normally they're all about the field but with Bellas it's always just her ARM... like she's too good to even come out."

"I had a job with her once," the other mech spoke up, "bastard it was, too, a whole seam busting open along the side of the city boundaries, all sorts of crap. Took ten hours, rip-by-rip, me and that fuckin' ARM, not a single break. S'all right for her, sat at home on her arse..."

"Bet she's afraid," the first one said with a derisive snort. "You know how engineers are - they like to think they've got everything out of control but the minute they come face-to-face with a rip it's all 'unstable fields' and 'remote operation' - like they're forgetting that someone gotta go in there with the bloody thing anyway."

"I have a friend in HR who said she has special dispensation to work remotely at all times, but she doesn't have any physical problems. What's she got? Congential laziness?"

"Lazy arse syndrome. See, if one of us developed that, they'd let us go quicker'n you could say 'unfair advantages'..." The conversation veered off into the usual sort of bellyaching Cerys had heard dozens of times before, leaving her to ponder this new bit of information.

So Nia Bellas never did fieldwork, and had special privileges not to. Cerys could have found this out herself, of course, if she'd been prepared to view Nia's private information, but somehow the fact that there was something to know made her all the more relieved that she'd resisted the urge to do so. It also explained a few things - if Bellas never left her room it was understandable she might've planted the flowers to brighten up what might otherwise be a monotonous and dull view outside. It also eased her mind a little regarding her own little excursions - it wasn't just anyone who'd spotted her, but someone who probably had more than the usual amount of time on their hands free to be staring out of the window.

She remembered the almost plaintive tone in the other woman's voice, urging her to feel free to return, with a slight stab of guilt. She hadn't been near the area since that day, giving it a wide berth on her walks, and in doing so she'd been not just playing it safe but also denying the other woman of company - something that she almost certainly had very little of.

Not that it was Cerys' duty to provide it - if Bellas had chosen to be a shut-in then she could and should be able to take care of herself. Especially with an Ops paycheck... Still, she had to admit that her curiosity had been piqued even further now, and she resolved not to avoid the area on her next perambulation around the compound.

As random chance would have it, this opportunity came again in short, sharp order around dawn the next morning, after another unremembered nightmare that woke her not only with the usual racing heart and ringing ears but cramping in both legs, presumably from the way she'd twisted in her sleep, fighting against whatever terrified her so.

Hobbling out of her room, Cerys made her way towards the outer door of the compound. It was unlikely she would run into anybody this early in the morning - most techs were either asleep or possibly pulling a split shift, but no one would be out wandering the halls, which meant that she could take her time on painful limbs that seemed to be taking their time to relax.

It was only just getting light outside, the sun's feeble rays creeping slowly over the horizon, casting long, pale strips of light across the desolate scrubland around the compound. Cerys had only grabbed a light jacket as she left and wished she had something a bit heavier now; wrapping her arms around herself she walked a bit faster, hoping the activity would serve to warm her. She didn't even think about where she was going, her aching legs propelling her across the compound and round to where the Ops-level accommodation say of their own accord.

It was only once she spotted the patch of flowers ahead that she realized what she was doing - it was barely past dawn, who was to say that Nia Bellas would be awake? And if she wasn't, how strange did it make Cerys, hovering outside her window in the near-dark, in the cold?

Nevertheless, she was here now, the tiny garden looking rather forlorn in the thin, watery pre-dawn light, some of the flowers having closed their petals against the dark and cold.

There was a faint glow of electronics from inside the room, and as Cerys waited she noticed movement from within, the faint shadow of someone moving about the room in a back-and-forth pattern. One such circuit must've taken Nia near the window as a moment later her face appeared in the pane of glass, looking shocked, and after another moment passed she had hauled it open, leaning out to smile delightedly down at Cerys. "You came back."

Cerys shrugged, trying to look nonchalant even as the other woman's obvious pleasure formed a warm, fuzzy ball in her stomach. "It's been dry lately. Thought I should check on your flowers."

"I've been trying to water them the best I can from here," Nia said, pursing her lips. "But I can't quite reach the far edges. Oh! Could you help? Wait right there..." She disappeared as suddenly as she had arrived, leaving Cerys staring at the open window.

What the hell am I doing? Cerys shuffled her feet nervously as she waited for Nia to return.

Luckily she only had a minute to wait; Nia soon appeared again with a large porcelain jar in hand, leaning down to hold it out to Cerys on the ground. "Could you just... water around the edges? They don't need much..."

There was something about the way Nia expressed herself that brooked no argument, and besides, Cerys was here now and there seemed to be very little to be gained by refusing to help her, however strange it felt to be stepping forward and carefully taking the jug from her hands.

"Make sure you get the smaller shoots," Nia directed, watching the other woman like a hawk as she stepped gingerly towards the flowers. "There, just off to the side... but not too much, you don't want to drown them..."

"All right," Cerys almost snapped, though she followed the instructions to the letter.

"That should be enough," Nia told her eventually, leaning out again to reclaim the jug. "Thank you so much - I would have felt terrible watching them wither up and die."

"Um. No problem," Cerys muttered, stepping back and putting her hands into her pockets.

Nia bent to deposit the jug on the floor, leaning her forearms on the sill when she returned. She smiled at Cerys, her breath coming in crisp white clouds. "So were you just busy, or were you avoiding me?"

Cerys hesitated. "I've been busy," she said carefully - and truthfully.

"Doing what?" Nia asked, tipping her head.

"Overtime."

This seemed to mean something to Nia, as she merely raised her eyebrows briefly and then nodded, the smile remaining on her lips. "It's been a busy week. Lots of little glitches to keep you on your toes."

"Mhm." Cerys hesitated. How did people talk? She wasn't sure she could remember... "How has your week been?" she tried a little stiffly.

"Oh, you know... busy as well. Lots of little glitches..."

"Right." Cerys wasn't sure what to say now. Out of politeness she wanted to ask more about Nia's work, but she knew that if she did she would end up having to pretend that she hadn't already seen her record.

Luckily Nia didn't seem to want to dwell on work. "Have you seen that tree over there?" she asked then, pointing at a small, stunted tree trunk a few minutes' walk away.

"Uh..." Cerys didn't even have to look - she knew every feature of this landscape like the back of her hand. "Yeah?"

"I don't think it's dead. I think it's just dormant. If we could just get it some water, and maybe some fertilizer..." Nia trailed off, narrowing her eyes at the stump on the horizon.

"'We'?" Cerys raised her eyebrows. This was a woman who was used to giving instructions and expecting them to be followed... mind you, she had such a mild, pleasant manner about it that she almost didn't mind.

"Well, if you're walking out there anyway, it wouldn't be much of an imposition, would it? I could keep everything here, and you could stop by when you come out... think of how nice it would be to see it budding again."

"Is it really that simple?" the other woman asked, interested now. "I mean, it's not just a patch of wildflowers..."

"Well, maybe not quite that simple," Nia allowed, pursing her lips. "There might be some cutting to do, and the soil might need some tending..."

"Which you would be asking me to do also?"

Nia smiled winningly. "If you were willing."

"I see."

Instead of posing the question - or thinly-veiled instruction - again, Nia fell silent, looking down at Cerys from her vantage point at the window. She was properly dressed this time, and her hair had been at least somewhat tamed by a red ribbon. Her cheeks were slightly flushed; Cerys wondered what she had been doing, moving back and forth around her room so early in the morning.

"So are you... about to start work?" she hazarded now. Ops engineers generally didn't have to work unfavourable hours, but then, perhaps Nia, like her, didn't mind shift work.

"No, I've just finished a job, actually... probably going to sleep soon," came the response.

"Ah." That made more sense, if she was still twitchy from a stressful situation of course she couldn't stay still. "Late-night emergency?"

"Mmhmm. Sorted now, though."

"Well, if I was going to sleep I would sleep safe, then," Cerys said with a wry smile.

Nia's expression wavered for a moment. "For now."

"Wow, way to instill confidence."

"Oh, I didn't mean it like that," the other woman replied, forcing a laugh. "I'm sure everything's fine."

"So what did you mean?" Cerys challenged, albeit keeping her tone neutral, wondering how far Nia's good humour stretched.

"I just meant... it's always a little bit dangerous, isn't it? Things are always unraveling. We're never... it's never completely safe." Nia shifted, moving backwards slightly until her hands gripped the windowsill.

Ah. Cerys shrugged. "I guess it's just always been that way. Well, always since the Hole opened."

"I know."

"Anyway. Least we have Ops like you looking out for us," Cerys offered.

Nia smiled again, though it was without the good humor that had characterized her previous expressions. "Couldn't do it without the techs."

"Mm." Cerys found herself shuffling her feet again, now. She wasn't a nervous person by nature, but then, that was largely because she usually avoided situations that made her nervous. "Well. I guess I should..." She gestured back toward the other end of the compound.

"Right, of course. And bed for me."

"Well. Sleep well, then."

"Thanks. Good luck with... work."

 

Good luck with work. Water that tree. God, the first new person you've met in three years and that's what you say to her? You're such a lost cause, Nia, there's not a hope in the world... Nia was lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling, rehashing the conversation she had shared with Cerys and mentally kicking herself for just about everything that had come out of her mouth. She was reasonably sure she'd not only bored her but accidentally ordered her about, which probably had the other woman writing her off as another imperious, stuck-up Ops engineer thinking every Basic level worker was there to do her bidding.

With an annoyed sound Nia pushed herself up; despite being physically exhausted her mind was nowhere nearer sleep than it had been when she finished her last patch. Naked, she padded over to her console and flipped it on again, sinking into her seat with a sigh.

With literally hundreds of entertainment stations to choose from, it didn't take Nia long to find what she was looking for in the form of a diamondball tournament - though she already knew the results she hadn't watched the matches yet. And if you can't play, at least you can watch, she thought, already in the mindset of feeling a bit sorry for herself.

Settling back and lifting her feet up onto a clear space on the console, Nia was able to relax a little as she took in the familiar court with its sloped floor and ceiling, the players facing off against one another as they tried to aim for the marked wall targets while ricocheting in ways that the other player couldn't return.

Knowing the outcome of the matches meant that it wasn't the most nailbiting viewing, but it did pass the time, and eventually she made her way back to bed to sleep. Light was streaming in the window; this didn't bother her, as being confined to her room meant that her internal clock was firmly out of alignment.

 

On the other side of the compound, Cerys was about to begin her shift. Having watched the very matches Nia was now enjoying the previous day when they were live, she had been at something of a loss for a way to pass the intervening time - she'd been for her walk, and just couldn't face another two hours online scanning logs right now. In the end, body humming from the adrenaline coursing through her at the strange encounter she'd just had, largely unabated by an energetic half hour of floor excercises, she had fallen back on a rather different time-wasting activity, reacquainting herself with the discreet toy she kept in one of her under-bed drawers and following up with a long, hot shower.

Thusly sated, she settled in for a shift at the console, pulling up her most recent report and skimming through it. Though she of course was a dutiful and professional worker, her mind did wander sometimes, with the strange and somewhat startling side effect that images of red flowers would occasionally pop up onscreen, obscuring her reports until she thumbed them away.

It wasn't until the third or fourth time that this happened that Cerys noticed that the safety report she was currently writing; a safety and ROI assesment for a bespoke emergency exit installation, was actually for the exact building and indeed corridor which held Nia Bellas' room.

She had realized, of course, that the other woman lived there, but somehow it seemed different, more disconnected, having spoken to her solely through the window, with Cerys outside and Nia inside looking out. Seeing the report - and indeed the drawings and diagrams of the building - brought the fact home to her that if she wanted to she could walk up and knock on her door.

And so it was that she found herself checking Nia's staff profile once again, this time to pull up her public schedule and find the next time their off shifts would coincide - after Cerys next had a chance to go into the city, at least, which wouldn't be for another couple of days. These conversations with her hovering outside like a suspicious loiterer and Nia leaning out of her window wouldn't do any more, Cerys decided now. The next time she saw Nia, they would be standing face to face, the same floor beneath their feet. And Cerys would have a gift for her.

 

There was a knock on the door.

Nia got a fair amount of visitors to her room - even if most of them were compound staff bringing by packages she had ordered or food she had requested delivered. Still, she always knew when to expect these visits, and she knew she wasn't expecting anyone right then. Or indeed at all that day.

"Just a second!" she called with a frown, pushing back her chair and swinging her legs out of it. Who in the world could that be?

As she approached the door the peephole flickered in automatically, the screen showing, of all people, the mysterious Cerys. It had clearly occurred to her that Nia would no doubt be able to see her, as she was standing almost to attention, her arms wrapped around what looked to be two long plastic trays, a bag hanging from one hand.

Nia hesitated for a moment; it felt odd to be receiving the other woman here, at her front door, instead of at the window, but she certainly didn't want her to leave. Pulling open the door, she greeted the other woman with what she hoped was a warm smile. "Cerys. You tracked me down."

"I'm wiley that way," Cerys said with a dry smile. "May I come in? I... brought you some things."

Again Nia hesitated; come in? Her visitors definitely did not normally come in, but then again nor did they usually bring her things of their own accord. "I, uh... yes, of course," she said, stepping back and casting a quick and panicked look over her shoulder to ascertain the state of her room. It wasn't too bad, though there were items strewn about that she might have picked up if she had known she was expecting company. She could tell that Cerys was fighting the urge to look around herself, but she instead made her way straight to the mostly clear dining table toward one end of the main room, placing down the objects she'd brought and beginning to remove the contents of the bag - some small packets, and a rather weighty looking rectangular plastic bag.

"So, um, I was in town anyway, and I figured... since this is a corner room you have plenty of natural light coming in, right?"

"Yes, generally, for at least half the day, except in winter," Nia babbled slightly, grabbing the nearest bits of junk and hurriedly tidying them away.

"Okay. Well." Cerys didn't so much hesitate with words as punctuate her speech with decisive pauses. "I figured you might like to have something to cultivate yourself, so I got some seeds, and a planting box," she said.

This stopped Nia in her tracks; slowly she turned to look at the other woman, her expression somewhat shocked. "You got that for me?" she asked, taking a few steps closer in order to look over the packets - tomato seeds by the look of them.

"Sure. I mean, they're pretty freely available, it's not contraband or anything," she reassured her - for all that it didn't make very much sense that tomato plants would constitute contraband, what resources were and weren't prohibited or restricted was a strange and confusing list at times. Anything out of the ordinary, it was best to check first. "I just figured you hadn't wanted to look weird or whatever to a courier, so."

"You... oh." She knows. Oh God, she knows... well of course she does, everyone knows, and besides, would you rather be that strange person who just hangs around windows all the time? Nia frowned, at a loss for words. Eventually she turned and hurried to a side cabinet, stooping to retrieve a small wallet from one of the drawers. "Here, let me reimburse you, it must've been a pain to bring all that back..."

But Cerys was already shaking her head, holding her hands up. "Really," she said, "don't bother. It really isn't a big deal. Besides," she added. "It was party to soften the blow. I am so not trying to resurrect some random nearly dead tree for you. I'm not an arboroculturalist and I have no intention of becoming one." No matter how sweetly you ask. So please don't ask again because I really don't think I'll be able to hold to my word on this one... "Stuff lives or dies by itself out there. That's just the way it is."

"Yes, but it wouldn't have to be by itself if we just-- no, you're right," Nia said, shaking her head as she replaced the wallet back in the drawer. "And thank you for the plants. It's... very generous of you." She obviously doesn't want you bugging her anymore, so she brought a bribe. She could've just avoided walking by the window...

Cerys did hesitate, now, taking in Nia's countenance with a slightly trepidatious expression on her face. "Shit, I overstepped, didn't I?" she said then, her tone frank and openly regretful. "I'm sorry. I should've thought - barging into your space like this, making assumptions, thrusting random plants on you. I don't even know if you like tomatoes."

"No! No no no, you didn't, they're wonderful, I do!" Nia rushed to assure her, parting her hands before her in a gesture of supplication. "You must know I... don't go out, any more," she continued a bit hesitantly. "And it's been a long time since anybody has brought me anything... or come to visit at all. I was just surprised by your generosity, but I do like them, I do, I promise."

The other woman was slightly taken aback now, but a tentative smile crept across her features nonetheless. "Well. I'm glad, then," she said eventually. "'Cause, y'know, it was a pain to bring all that back here," she added in a deadpan tone.

Nia seemed uncertain at first whether Cerys was joking, though eventually it seemed she decided to assume the best about the tech and gave a small chuckle. "Well, I'll make sure you get the first harvest, as a thank-you for all your hard work."

"Well, you've got to make 'em grow first," Cerys warned, lips twitching slightly toward a smirk. "We'll see if you're as good at caring for plants yourself as you are at talking other people into it..."

"I only asked you to water them once! It isn't as if y-- oh. You're kidding, aren't you?"

Cerys just raised her eyebrows. Nia hesitated, then turned away, looking slightly embarrassed. "Can I offer you anything? Something to eat? A drink?"

"I actually ate in town," Cerys said now, "but, I mean, if you were having something to drink. Or. I could go," she said, tipping her chin toward the door. "I don't want to intrude, I know this is your. Space."

"You're not intruding. It's nice having someone else here. I could fix us a drink. What will you have? I could do coffee, or if you want something stronger I do have it..."

"I'll just. Wait, really?"

Nia paused in her perusal of her 'kitchen cabinet' - really a makeshift thing made from an old filing cabinet - and glanced up at Cerys, nodding. "Don't, um, tell anybody though. It's a bit..."

The other woman nodded slightly. "Not a word. Although... maybe just coffee? I was going to work some overtime later..."

"Right, of course. Just a second..."

Cerys watched on, hovering near a chair but not sitting down just yet as Nia pulled out the individual foil wraps of coffee mix, opening them and tipping them into mugs before placing them in the cooker. Glancing up, Nia gave her a smile before punching in the necessary codes and sitting back to wait. The cooker gave off its tell-tale hum and tick, and a moment later announced it had finished with a cheery ding - not something most did nowadays.

"Retro," Cerys commented as Nia retrieved the mugs gingerly from the interior.

"What? Oh, you mean the... Yeah. The old ones are more reliable, I think," Nia said, carrying both mugs over to the table.

"I thought everything in these apartments was standardised. Ours are like identical shoeboxes."

"They are. Or at least, they start that way. I just... made a few modifications over the years."

Cerys raised her eyebrows. "I see. Quite the rogue engineer, then?"

"More like bored," Nia said with a wry smile. "There's only so many diamondball matches you can watch before you start going a bit stir-crazy."

"Oh, you like diamondball?" Cerys perked up at this. "Did you see the final on Monday?"

"Not live, but I caught it after. You a fan?"

"Huge - used to play in college, actually. Well, still do, but not competitive, obviously."

"Really? Wow." Nia looked impressed. "What'd you think of the final game, then?"

"It was..." Cerys trailed off, making a face. "I think Fisher is getting on a bit. Still brilliant, but I'm not sure how many more years of really stellar play she has left in her. And that makes me a sad."

"I got to see her live, once. A couple years ago. Obviously." There was an awkward pause, and then Nia continued briskly on. "She was amazing. Like lightning on two feet. I didn't know anybody could move like that."

"Wow, you did? Me too - when she played Kelly Fair in the Mixed Open at Penn's."

"That's where I saw her!" Nia exclaimed, looking delighted. "That same match!"

Cerys' eyes widened a little. "Seriously? That's. Interesting. Huh. What are the chances, huh?" Something strange twisted inside her at this - something she couldn't quite put her finger on, but she shook the feeling off. "What a weird match, too - with the sudden extra time, and that malfunctioning sensor?"

"I know. I think I must've bitten my nails to the quick during it."

"Still, the best woman won."

"Hey, you won't hear me arguing," Nia said, raising her mug in a salute before taking a sip.

Cerys grinned a little. "God, I'll be sorry to see her retire when she does," she said. "Can't imagine diamondball without Lori Fisher - she's been on the scene since I was in school, y'know? Amazing that she still has her own knees..."

"She's incredible," Nia agreed with a sigh, and Cerys felt another twinge, though she knew what this one meant - she had a feeling that Nia appreciated Lori Fischer for more than just her athletic prowess.

Following her hunch, Cerys went on, "D'you remember. God, was it nine years ago, ten? I was in the middle of neuro-training, I think, anyway, when those topless pictures were leaked of her on that beach in Malibu and there was the huge outcry from her fans complaining about her privacy and boycotting the Post? And all I could think was 'Wow, those abs are amazing'." She grinned conspiratorially.

Nia glanced up suspiciously, eyeing Cerys for a moment before visibly relaxing and giving her an equally wide smile. "Yeah, I remember. She handled it really well, I thought - telling everyone to chill out and besides, they should be reading more intelligent papers anyway?"

"Yeah, the whole 'diamondball star in nice jugs shocker' wasn't exactly the worst press she could've gotten, really. I mean, it wasn't as though she was caught doing something 'inappropriate'." The sarcasm dripped heavily from Cerys' tone as she said this.

Nia raised her eyebrows, looking intrigued. "You mean like those other rumors?"

Cerys made a face. "It was such a farce, really. I mean, she's a diamonball player for God's sake, y'know? It's practically expected. Honestly I doubt anyone would have been remotely interested if it wasn't Greta Holloway."

"'Princess Greta', diamondball royalty," Nia said with a snort. "She didn't have anything on Lori - including breasts."

Cery's chuckled. "True enough. With her parents and her profile, though, there was always going to be some attention. Mind you, I never really believed it, I have to say. It just didn't make sense to me, y'know? Of all the women on the planet why would you go for someone like that?"

Nia shrugged, obviously disinclined to speculate - or possibly shy in the face of her new, tentative friendship with Cerys. "Who knows?"

"Mm, anyway, I never cared. I just wanted her to keep playing and keep winning, so I guess I'm still happy," Cerys said now with an easy grin, clearly much more comfortable now that she was on familiar ground.

"Well, if we're lucky we'll get many more years... Maybe you'll even get to see her live again before she retires," Nia said, sounding a little wistful.

"Mm, maybe. I haven't been to a live game in forever. I feel like the company has just. Eaten my life. Y'know?"

"Yeah. I know what you mean." Not that you even have a life anymore...

Cerys seemed to sense the slight sadness to Nia's tone here, as she fell silent, then, looking thoughtfully into her coffee.

The silence stretched out until Nia couldn't take it any more, and she cleared her throat, lifting the last of her coffee to her lips. "So you must be pretty good, if you played in college."

"I don't know about that," Cerys said, smiling a little and shaking her head. "I'm not bad I guess."

"What's your personal best?"

"Oh, um..." Nia heard the pause, now, and knew that the hesitation was faked - no remotely serious player didn't know their best score. "Eighty-six."

"Eighty-six? Seriously? 'Not bad' my ass," Nia said, looking thoroughly impressed. "I bet that wasn't just a fluke game either."

Cerys allowed herself a tiny smile. "I guess I tend to hit the mid seventies more often than not," she confessed.

"Wow. That's... Wow. No wonder you're so fit." Nia clamped her lips together tightly after this utterance, embarrassed. "I mean, I couldn't help but notice, when you were out walking, but not in a weird way..."

"I'm no Lori Fisher," Cerys said, her smile turning a little shy, now. Was she imagining something more than friendliness in Nia's interest in her?

"No, I know... I mean God, I didn't mean no you're not... You're very attractive in your own way - not that that's a bad thing..."

"I, um. I meant that I'm not as athletic as her. But thanks." Cerys was fighting between amusement, flattery and awkwardness, now, a slight blush creeping forward from her ears.

"Sure," Nia gulped, her eyes anywhere but on Cerys' face. "No problem."

Cerys nodded a little, smiling carefully. Time to go... "Well. I should let you get to your planting," she said now, heading over to the kitchen area with her empty mug without even thinking about it.

"Of course. Right. Thanks." Nia stood as well, hovering between the other woman and the door. "Thank you. For the plants. And the visit. It was... Very nice."

Cerys smiled, approaching the door - and Nia - stopping just in front of her. They were almost exactly the same height - Cerys was perhaps a shade taller but no more than an inch - although there the similarities ended, Nia's skin was much darker, her curvaceous figure contrasting with Cery's lean, athletic frame, her wavy black hair and the polished mahogany of her eyes complementing Cery's short light brown and icy blue.

"I'll..." - that fake hesitation, again, and Nia knew she was feigning some of that shyness - why? "...see you soon, then. I hope," she added.

"I'm... not going anywhere," Nia replied through suddenly-dry lips. So the ball's in your segment.

"Mm. 'Kay." And then, without even really thinking about it, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, Cerys closed the space between them and pressed her lips to Nia's. The other woman's eyes flew open, though she didn't pull away, her hands going to clasp Cerys' upper arms tightly, as if to forestall her getting any closer - or further away. "Hey," Cerys murmured in mild admonishment as the kiss ended and their lips parted, "Steady on." She touched her nose lightly to Nia's in a gesture that was at once a little strange and strangely familiar before stepping back, or trying to, her arms flexing a little against Nia's grip although she didn't shake it off.

Nia stared at Cerys for a second longer and then let go quickly, taking a large step back until there were several feet between them. "Sorry," she muttered, reaching up to hug herself.

Cerys frowned a little, and shook her head. "Don't be," she said. "I'm not sure where that came from. I just. Well. I didn't mean to. Not that I wouldn't," she added. "Again, I mean."

"Oh." That was all Nia could muster; she felt much the same, but didn't know how to say it - or why. There was something about Cerys - not just the fact that she was the first visitor she had had in over a year, or that she had brought her a thoughtful present. There was something familiar about her in a way that made Nia both content and confused, and the kiss, which had been all too short and yet far too long, was more of the same.

"So I figure I'm going to go now," Cerys said now. "My name's Gray. My surname, I mean. I'm the only one. And maybe you'll be in touch. And if not, that's okay." And with a tight little smile, one very like the first she'd given Nia, back outside her window only two meetings ago, Cerys sidled past Nia, and left.

 

Cerys Gray, Cerys Gray, Cerys Gray. Nia stared at the profile page pulled up in front of her, Cerys' information laid out in blue and white. There was nothing surprising there, nothing she couldn't have guessed; in fact, it was all exactly as Nia had expected. She didn't have official access to the more confidential parts of the profile but knew that with enough poking she could get to it if she wanted. The question was: did she want to?

There were no prohibitions on 'office romances' as they were still euphamistically called in the compound. Indeed, a good many people had relationships and even cohabited with other employees here, of whatever gender - the company was a thoroughly secular institution and so not only did it have no particular qualms about alternative orientations but the quota of said minorities was slightly above average - it was one of the many reasons for the constant anti-Corps campaigning and picketing that drove them to house their headquarters and employees out in the middle of nowhere in sectors like IA23. The public knew that the company was necessary, and they knew that they needed the temporal technicians and engineers patching their cities to prevent them from being destroyed by the Hole, but they didn't want them living side-by-side with them. As such, if company employees were going to have relationships at all, they were usually going to have them with one another.

All of which Nia knew. All of which didn't make things any easier on her. With a noise of disgust she pushed away from her console, standing to stalk around the room distractedly. She's wonderful. Kind, generous, attractive, funny, intelligent - she could tell that by her service record - all the things you'd look for in a partner. She's also the first woman - the first anyone you've met in years. You don't think that might be influencing you just a bit? You can't just fall into bed with the first woman who steps over the threshold. Especially not if it might endanger the first friendship you've been able to cultivate since this whole thing started. Think with your head, not... your other bits.

And then there was that kiss - the feeling of that kiss still lingered in her limbs, in her stomach. Not just the shock, the instant tingle, the need that it spiked in her - that was expected. On another level it had felt like... home. Like warmth and comfort and a palpable rightness that had settled over her like a well-worn shirt. That kiss had felt like the exact opposite of what she felt when she stepped outside her front door. It had felt safe.

And that scared her a little.

 

Days passed. Cerys waited. And waited some more. She felt sure that Nia would contact her and tried not to give too much attention to thinking about it, though there were moments when she failed and instead worried that the other woman might not. Eventually she began to accept that the kiss - which had been a strange, impetuous unplanned thing, as she had said - might have been too much, scaring Nia away from pursuing anything, friendship or otherwise, with her.

The encounter had, however, awakened in her a desire to play more diamondball, so she at least had a good way of occupying her time getting back into shape and playing some friendly games with workmates - usually the men, who still tended to lose but would batter the ball with such force that she was getting used to noticing new and interestingly coloured bruises every time she had cause to observe uncovered skin.

It was during one such observation session after her shower, while Cerys was admiring a particularly vivid welt on her calf, that a strange knock came at the door. Not particularly modest by nature, she pulled a robe on quickly and made her way to answer it, checking the (manual) peephole to see a strange-looking collection of metallic parts squatting on her doorstep. Gingerly pulling open the door, she realized that it was not just any heap of parts but an extremely expensive, highly modified ARM, its long, articulated limb clasping a straggling bouquet of red and yellow wildflowers.

For a long moment, she was completely stunned, unmoving, just staring at the contraption in front of her, shaken out of her shock by the quiet zooming sound of the tiny camera near the 'hand' of the ARM focussing on her face - clearly an intentional audio effect, as the camera itself was obviously completely digital.

Cerys cleared her throat. "You shouldn't have," she said to the ARM. Then, "Oh, the flowers. Please tell me that wasn't all of them? Oh, you really shouldn't have."

"It's not all of them," came Nia's voice from a speaker near the 'shoulder'. "Just the ones around the edge, the ones you watered. But there are still some left."

"Good. You shouldn't pick them," Cerys added in a slightly admonishing tone. "You can enjoy them much longer if you leave them in the ground. But thank you. I'll just put them in water. Do you." She frowned quizzically, unsure how to treat robotic-arm-Nia. "Want to come in?" she finished, feeling distinctly silly but, at least, less nervous than she would have done facing the real Nia after their days of no communication.

"I'll get dirt in your room," came the reply. Apparently Nia had no qualms about identifying as her proxy. "I should stay out here. I just... came by to 'get in touch'. I'd like to see you again."

The other woman's smile widened a little. She'd realised as much, of course, but it was nice to hear it confirmed. "I'd really like that," she said.

"Ohgood." The ARM moved itself backwards and forwards on its small, tough wheels, the camera craning up to take in Cerys' face more fully. "You have such a nice smile."

"Um. Thank you. You have a lovely pincer attachment?"

She could hear Nia laughing. "Thanks. So, um... do you have a free evening shift this week?"

 

Cerys had a few free shifts, as it turned out, and they had little trouble settling on an evening toward the end of the week. And so here she was now, finally back outside Nia's door, after several rather nervy days of work, diamondball, and walks around the compound where, perversely, she found herself avoiding the spot with the wildflowers. There was something about the idea of seeing Nia that way that felt strange, now, as though it was a bit odd to loiter around outside her window now that she'd been inside her apartment.

She was dressed pretty similarly to usual - Cerys didn't have a particularly varied wardrobe, but she'd had her hair trimmed and was carrying flowers - a bouquet she'd had delivered to her own room from town this morning. She was a little nervous, but her fatigue was preventing her nerves from really getting the better of her. Strangely, rather than abating (as, if she'd thought about it (which she hadn't) she might have expected), her nightmares had apparently increased in severity in the past few days since she'd last seen Nia. She didn't know why, still clueless as to their content, but that combined with the fresh injuries from diamondball meant that she was aching and weary pretty much all the time at the moment.

The door opened to reveal Nia, who immediately took a large step back as if giving Cerys and the door a wide berth. She was smiling, though, a grin that displayed a mouthful of even white teeth. She was wearing a dress - not an item of clothing Cerys was used to seeing around the compound, where most people wore sensible trousers and shirts, the mechanics to a one clad in blue-gray jumpsuits - but no shoes, her bare toes curling in the weave of the rug as she motioned for the other woman to come in and shut the door behind her. "Oh, flowers!" she exclaimed, looking even more pleased. "How pretty. Thank you."

"I almost brought a pot," Cerys said, apologetically as she approached a little (though not too close) and held out the flowers, "but I didn't want to give you more stuff to water in case you had your hands full with the tomatoes."

Nia took the bouquet, stroking her fingers lightly over the velvety petals before glancing up and smiling once again at Cerys. "That's okay. I'll just get something to put them in. Please, make yourself comfortable."

Glancing about the apartment (much tidier today than it had been the last time she'd been here, though she barely noticed), Cerys considered the table but, unsure how soon they would be eating, she instead made for the little living area with its single couch and coffee table. Nia moved about the room, retrieving a vase from a shelf near the 'kitchen' and then disappearing into the bathroom to fill it. When she emerged she arranged the flowers and then set them on the coffee table, then turned to look down at Cerys.

"Would you like something to drink? I thought we might order food - I don't really have the capacity for anything very nice here."

"That sounds great," Cerys said with a smile and a nod.

"So... that drink?"

"Oh. Um. Sure," Cerys said after a moment's thought. "What do you have?"

"The usual hot complement," Nia replied, gesturing to the cooker. "Or water... I've got some powdered juice mix..."

"Just water is fine," Cerys replied after a moment's thought, noticing but not remarking upon the fact that the previous offer of an acoholic beverage was not being made available at present. Maybe she wants us to keep a clear head tonight... fair enough I guess. Although I can't remember the last time I really had a clear head...

"Mm, okay."

Soon the pair were seated on the couch together, drinking their glasses of water, Cerys sifting through takeaway menus. Nia watched her, then realized she was staring and cleared her throat, shifting where she sat. "So. Did you... have you been to town lately?"

"Mhm," Cerys murmured as she scanned down a list of dishes. "Went in the other day pick up some heat salve - the stuff they have at the company pharmacy is rubbish and my knees are killing me."

"Your knees? Oh, because you've been playing," Nia said, nodding. "Of course."

"Turns out I'm not as young as I once was," Cerys said, smirking slightly as she said it - she couldn't have been much older than Nia's twenty eight.

"I guess it's hard to keep things working as well without a team of physiotherapists at your side - the pros have it easy."

"Plus I can't afford to replace my joints when they give out," Cerys said with a slight grin, sitting back on the couch and crossing her legs.

Nia chuckled. "Yeah... that would probably be counted as 'non-essential repairs' on the company healthcare scheme. What do they care if you can't walk? Means more time in front of a console for them."

"Oh, the health plan would cover new knees," Cerys said, "I checked. But they wouldn't be fit for high-impact. Once these ones are done it'll be no more diamonball for me."

"Well, guess you'd better make the best of the ones you have now, then."

"By getting myself beaten black and blue on the diamonball court," Cerys said with a grin. "Quite."

"Poor thing," Nia said with a smirk, standing and moving over to the console. "Just a sec, you can moan some more as soon as I'm done ordering..." She leaned over the keypad, pulling up a screen and punching in several commands, fingers flying over the keys.

"Oh, yeah. Forty nine with mushrooms and noodles, please," she said, remembering the menu in front of her.

"I know, I got it," Nia replied over her shoulder with a grin, turning back to finish the transaction, authorizing payment from her company account.

Cerys raised her eyebrows. "Um. All right," she said, sounding slightly confused.

"There," Nia said a few moments later, not seeming to notice Cerys' apparent confusion. "Food will be with us shortly." She turned away from the console as it flickered off, returning to sit next to the other woman on the couch. "So, where were we?"

"I was 'moaning', apparently," Cerys said, mock-offended.

"Ah, right, so you were." Nia grinned. "Well, go on then..."

"No, I think I'm done talking about my bad knees," Cerys said with a chuckle and a shake of her head. "Tell me about your week."

"Oh, it wasn't very interesting..."

"Tell me anyway."

 

In the end Nia did tell Cerys about her week, though it really hadn't been that exciting. Somehow the other woman seemed interested anyway, and they chatted about work and the planting of the tomato seeds until their food arrived. Cerys noted how reluctant Nia seemed to be about getting too near the door to the corridor, though she was trying not to show it, and rather than let her know that her cover was blown by offering to get the door for her she stood and headed for the kitchen to get out some plates and silverware.

"Oh, good, they remembered cookies," Nia announced as she carried the bag towards the dining table. "I know it makes me a bit sad but I love reading my fortune."

Cerys smiled as she opened the cupboard (on her first guess) that contained the plates and bowls. "You want a bowl or a plate?" she asked, though she was already pulling out two bowls on autopilot.

"Bowl, please." Nia was smiling as Cerys returned to the table; she held out a pair of chopsticks. "Your sticks."

"Your bowl," Cerys said in return, placing the bowls and serving spoons down on the table between them before taking a seat opposite her.

"Gracias."

"No problemo," came the automatic response.

 

"Go on, you first..."

Grinning across at Nia, Cerys cracked open the cookie and pulled the little slip of paper out. "'You can open doors with your charm and patience.'" She glanced up at the other woman, raising her eyebrows. "Did you plant this?"

"How would I do that?" Nia wanted to know, grinning. "Even if it is true..."

"Go on, then, what's yours?"

"Um..." Nia cracked open her cookie, pulling out the slip of paper and unrolling it. "'Opportunity is knocking at your front door'. Hm." She made a face, crumpling the slip and tossing it in the empty rice container. "Well, it'll obviously have to wait."

"Unless you let it in... seriously, what's with all the door metaphors?"

"I don't know. I guess it's just that kind of day."

Cerys smiled sympathetically over at Nia. "Guess so. Still, I'm glad mine proved to be true."

"Me too. And I'm glad you came tonight... I thought I might have left it too long."

"Hey, it's okay. I. Know I went out on a limb somewhat there. I'm not sure what happened, exactly."

"No... me neither," Nia said, shaking her head. "But it wasn't unwelcome. Just... surprising."

"I take it." Cerys paused. "I guess it wasn't a. Wrong call. Though? I mean, since I'm here now." It seemed obvious, but who knew what might be going through Nia's head? There were plenty of clueless women who might think a friendly dinner together would be just the thing to clear the air after an awkward misunderstanding.

"No, of course not," Nia said, shaking her head. "But," she added, "I do think we should take things slowly. I feel... I feel like I know you better than I should for just three meetings. And I don't want to rush things because of it."

"I get that. I do. And I'm glad it's not just me," Cerys added, "who feels that way. Like we know one another. It's almost weird."

"It is, right? Really weird. But also... kind of nice."

A tentative smile creeping across her face, Cerys nodded. "Definitely nice."

"So, um... can I get you anything else? Coffee? Are you pulling overtime tonight?"

"Oh, I probably shouldn't have caffeine to be honest," Cerys said with a shake of her head. "I'm not sleeping too well."

Nia frowned, leaning forward to place a light, warm hand over Cerys' where it lay on the table. "You're not? Pobrecita... Have you been to the clinic?"

"Oh, no, no." Cerys smiled and shook her head again, her eyes flickering briefly to Nia's hand over hers. "Drugs don't seem to help, they just turn me into a zombie and ruin my wireless connection. It's just an ongoing thing."

"Are you sure it's not because of the connection? I've heard some people have problems..."

"I'm sure. I had it for years without any problems. This is just the past." Cerys frowned. How long had it been, exactly? "While," she finished in the end.

"Hm. Well, okay. No caffeine then. More water?"

"Sure, that'd be good."

"Okay. Why don't you make yourself comfortable on the couch, and I'll be right there?"

 

Cerys pulled her stockinged feet (she'd removed her shoes at the door) up onto the couch with her as she watched Nia move around the kitchen, retrieving the jug of filtered water from the little fridge, refilling their glasses. The other woman seemed much more comfortable now after dinner and their 'talk', and Cerys took advantage of her relaxed state to appreciate what she saw. She already knew Nia had a winning smile - after all, hadn't it been used to her to good effect on their first meeting? - and dark, sparkling eyes, and she now took in the other woman's curvaceous figure as she bent down to replace the jug in the fridge.

She certainly doesn't seem to lack self-confidence, Cerys found herself musing as she watched Nia move, collected and unselfconscious, around the room. Wonder why she's stuck here...

"Here we go," Nia commented as she took a seat on the couch, close enough to touch Cerys if she leaned a bit closer. "I should have offered - I have some herbal teas if that would be better for you..."

"God, no, hate 'em," Cerys said with a grin. "But thanks for the offer."

"I thought as much. Well, this will have to do for now."

"It's all good." Cerys leaned to retrieve her refilled glass from the coffee table. "I guess I shouldn't really be staying much longer anyway," she added. "Don't want to overstay my welcome. I know you must really value your space."

Nia hesitated, myriad expressions crossing her face before she spoke. "It's nice having someone here. At the very least I don't have to spend the whole evening just talking to myself. Not that I do. Often."

"Well, anytime," Cerys said with a smile. "Really." She thought about this a moment and realised it was true, and not just because she so enjoyed Nia's company - though she did. Her apartment too was just... comfortable. She felt as at home here as she did in her own room.

"Okay, well... is Friday too soon?"

"Hm? Oh," Cerys made a face. "Sorry. Can't, have to work. Well, I'm around overnight as I'll have slept during the day, but I'm guessing that's not going to work for you."

"Day, night... it's all the same to me," Nia said with a shrug. "But that's okay. Just... whenever suits you. I'd love to see you again."

Cerys couldn't keep the large grin from her face at this. "Well, how about I drop you a message on Friday when I get off and you see how you feel? I know your schedule's a little more likely to be messed around than mine."

"Great," Nia said quickly, looking embarrassed at the speed of her reply. "I mean, um, okay. Just... you know how to find me."

 

Well. That went pretty well. Cerys found it a little hard to keep the smile from her face as she made her way back to her own quarters (on foot - although the compound had a circular transport pod system that ran round the inside of the compound, she preferred to walk when she had the chance). Though there had been no kiss at the end of the night, there was no mistaking the feelings between the two women - mutual attraction, of course, but also an air of comfort and relaxation. Sometimes you just 'clicked' with another person, and Cerys and Nia had certainly done that, and more. On the surface it was nice, everything she could've hoped for from a potential romantic interest. Below that... well, she couldn't quite understand what was unsettling about it, only that it was.

That night she had been asleep for only around an hour before she woke again, her whole body aching and tense from what she could only guess must have been one of the worst nightmares she'd had in months. Her jaw hurt from clenching her teeth, her every muscle sore as if she had just played two matches back-to-back. And underneath it all was a sense of dread, as if whatever she had been dreaming had been strong enough to leave its stain behind even after she woke.

Pushing stiffly into a sitting position, Cerys eyed the clock, deflating a little when she saw the time. So much for a good night's sleep, then... At least there was overtime - her connection would keep her awake, even if it would do nothing for her aching muscles.

The logs tonight, as most nights, were pretty boring standard stuff - no loops and no emergency glitches, just a few 'risk areas' to check over for some mech or engineer during the course of their usual shift.

She found herself wondering if Nia would be one of the engineers to run the checks - probably not, if she only worked remotely. But why? They hadn't discussed what to Cerys seemed to be a pretty obvious case of acute agoraphobia; they had only had one 'date' and it seemed too private a subject to just inquire about. Nia didn't seem nervy in other ways - she wasn't obsessive compulsive, she wasn't scared of physical proximity... she was just terrified of stepping outside her own door.

She should get some help.... but then, who are you to talk? You can't even sleep through the night anymore without screaming yourself awake.

Suddenly, the screen flashed up red. Fuck... time loop.

 

Nia was woken by the sound of her console beeping insistently at her; opening one eye she could see the flashing red light that indicated someone was trying to contact her. With a groan she pulled herself out of bed and shuffled over, hitting the intercom button as she flopped into her seat. "Yeah?"

"Time loop," came the bored-sounding voice from the other end of the com. "You're on call."

"Yeah, I know... How big is it?" Nia asked, powering up the rest of the console.

"Big. Switchboard says to patch you through to the tech who found it so she can give you a rundown - apparently it's a tricky one to explain." The tone of the mechanic suggested that she was not at all impressed by the imperious tech who had apparently decided that she wouldn't be able to handle the loop without the help of a tech as well as Nia's ARM.

"Yeah?" Nia asked with a raised eyebrow as she slipped her right hand into the controller, flexing her fingers experimentally. "Okay, put her through."

A moment later, a slightly more tense voice came on the line, clipped tones and husky quality at once familiar.

"Basic Technician Gray, who's speaking please?"

Nia felt her stomach flip. "Cerys, is that you?"

"Jesus, Nia? What the hell are they doing patching me through to you? Aren't you on day shift?"

"I am, but I'm also on call - this came up and they contacted me."

"Wow, sorry about that, then, this is going to keep you up all night, I'm afraid. There's a serious time loop in Sunset and Fourth - localised but spreading, three human victims, my guess is third degree tear."

"Shit." The engineer reached for her headgear with her free hand, settling it over her eyes and ears as she ran through the initial checks on her ARM. "Have they started pulling the vics out yet?"

"Can't; two of them are. In contact," Cerys said in the most delicate-yet-significant tone she could. "So we can't remove them separately. Job's going to have to be done with them still in place."

"Some people have all the luck," Nia grumbled.

"Come on, you're a pro, it'll be fine. I'll help you get set up, it's kind of a weird one."

"Okay, talk me through it..."

 

Nia hadn't been expecting to speak to Cerys again so soon, and certainly not under these circumstances. Once they had gotten over the initial shock of speaking to one another at work they had quickly gotten down to business; they were both experienced enough to know that every second counted in situations like this. Cerys was efficient and good at what she did, guiding Nia through the basic layout of the environment and pointing out potential problems before they could occur.

It wasn't usual for Techs and Engineers to end up in discourse, but the neural link the Techs had with the environment of the logs meant that their connection was needed on some of the more delicate tasks, although Nia couldn't remember the last time she'd been required to fix a tear with the victims still inside a time loop. The unpredictability of people involved made the job a hundred times more difficult than a regular fix, and it wasn't long before Nia had to dab away sweat from her forehead despite the temperature control in her room.

It didn't help that the Mech on the case was extra irritable due to the added stress of dealing with both a remote Engineer but also a Tech and a nervous victim response team hovering nervously outside the loop zone. Nia tried her best to soothe the woman, though most of her concentration was taken up with the task at hand. A stitch here, a thread there...

Despite the stabilizing field set up by the Mech Nia found the tear was rapidly degrading, threatening to swallow not only the current house but perhaps its neighbors within the night. She set to work at the widest edge first, hemming it off before it could rip any further, though she found herself interrupted from other tasks several times to redo the fix as it unraveled and unspooled. This was worrying, but she didn't allow herself time to think, only react, deftly manipulating the ARM to hold off the worst of the degradation as she worked to pull the entire tear together once more.

Cerys, sitting still connected to the network, gave guidance and pointers where she could, monitoring the tear as it degraded, half of her mind watching that couple fall onto their bed together and begin to undress one another over and over again. Of all the cases to end up working with Nia on...

Finally, it was done. Nia sat back from her console, fingers cramping, back aching, eyes nearly crossing from staring through the sights of her headset for so long. The Mech began to pack things away, the response team moved in to make their inquiries, and the sun slowly poked over the horizon, bathing the city in its pale light.

"So," Cerys said over the com as the other people on the line signed off, "So much for 'see you maybe Friday', huh?" She sounded tired but amused.

"Mm," Nia replied, scrubbing a hand over her face and back through her hair. "Quite."

"Sorry I ended up interrupting your sleep."

"That's okay. At least we got it fixed in the end."

"So are you going to go back to bed now?"

"Maybe. I'll need a bath, first - I'm kind of a state right now."

Cerys tried to ignore the tingle that it sent through her imagining Nia relaxing into a steaming tub of water. "Good plan. I should probably disconnect and shower myself."

"Mm..hmm." Was it Cerys' imagination that the other woman seemed the tiniest bit distracted? "Good idea."

"So. I guess I'll see you maybe Friday?"

"I guess so. Goodnight, Cerys."

"G'night."

 

Friday rolled around with a certain amount of trepidation on Nia's part - would Cerys want to see her or would she take this opportunity to claim work as an excuse? She knew she had had a good time when they were last together, but perhaps she had been imagining the other woman's contentment and good mood. She tried to convince herself that even if Cerys did cite work that didn't necessarily mean she wasn't interested, but it was an irrational fear, and like her other fears Nia had little control over it, which left her feeling even more helpless and frustrated than usual.

As it turned out, she needn't have worried - the mail that greeted her as she went off-shift for the evening was short and frank:

Going to go burn off steam in the court, then I'll be up through most of the night. You still want company? Back in an hour.

 

"Come in! The door's open!" Nia hurriedly pushed a wad of clothes into her dresser, shoving the drawer shut as the door opened behind her.

Cerys slid the door back a little tentatively, somehow unnerved by the idea of walking into someone else's space without first being checked and having the door opened for her.

"Hey," Nia greeted her with a smile, kicking a stray sock under the bed. "How was the gym?"

"Energetic," Cerys said with a returning smile of her own as she approached.

"Well, that's good. Did you win?"

"I always win."

Nia smirked. "Do you?"

Cerys' mouth twitched a little. "Absolutely," she deadpanned.

"Well count me impressed. Come on, let's sit down - oh would you like a drink?"

"Just water's fine, thanks," Cerys said as she took Nia's invitation to collapse onto the couch with an expansive sigh.

"Coming right up." It was only a minute before Nia had their drinks and was sitting down next to Cerys on the couch, offering her a glass. She couldn't help but notice the other woman's still-flushed skin and tousled hair, and felt her own cheeks flush in return as she dragged her eyes away.

"So, um. How was work?" Cerys opened, making a face at her own lack of anything better to ask.

"Oh, um... fine. You know. It was work."

"Nothing as exciting as ____day night, then?"

Nia gave a chuckle and a shake of her head. "That was certainly the highlight of my week." She paused, eyes dipping to her glass. "In a lot of ways."

Cerys smiled a little hesitantly, though Nia could tell from the tiny blush that began creeping from her ears that she was pleased by this.

"And, um, your week? Have you been sleeping any better?"

The other woman made a face. "Worse. I don't know, maybe it's the weather," she said vaguely, despite the fact that the compound was carefully climate controlled throughout, temperature and humidity completely unvarying all year round.

"I'm really sorry to hear that. Insomnia's a terrible thing to have," Nia said sympathetically.

Cerys shrugged. "I'm used to it now. Overtime at least gives my brain the right sort of stimulus so that I'm not going mad from lack of REM."

"Not that I don't think you'd be charmingly crazy, but I'm glad. If there's anything I can do to help..."

With another tentative smile, Cerys shook her head. "Thanks. I'll let you know," she said. "Perhaps I'll start pestering you when I know you're off shift and awake," she added.

"Oh, please do - I think I might be giving my tomatoes a complex by talking to them too much," Nia told her with a grin. "I even caught myself giving them names - that's when I knew I needed to step away from the seedlings."

"How're they coming?"

Good! Do you want to see them? No, wait, forgot I just said that..."

"No, no, I would, please," Cerys said, sitting forward on the couch and making to stand.

Nia hesitated, then jumped up, gesturing slightly nervously to a table near the window. "Oh, well, okay, they're right over here..."

Cerys got up and followed Nia over, bending to examine the sprouting shoots. The other woman hovered nearby, reaching up to comb her fingers through her hair. "They, um, are growing really well, but you have to be careful to keep them out of direct sunlight or their leaves will burn..."

"I'm excited to see how they get on," Cerys said, straightening and turning to look at Nia.

"Well, um, I'll... be sure to keep you up to date." Nia gave a shy smile.

"Hopefully I'll be here often enough to keep myself up to date," the other woman said tentatively.

Nia's smile brightened. "That works too."

"So. What shall we do with ourselves?"

"Have you seen last night's match?"

"I did, actually. But I'll happily watch it again. Particularly given the size of your entertainment system compared to mine," Cerys added with a grin.

"Okay... but no spoiling it!"

"Cross my heart."

 

God, this is nice. Nia smiled to herself, nestling more closely in the crook of Cerys' arm. Truth be told, she had seen the game already, but the idea of snuggling up with Cerys on the couch had been too much to resist, and now that she was there she knew she had made the right decision. Not that the game was a boring one, but she hadn't been paying much attention. Cerys had been initially surprised but quick to cooperate as Nia had moved closer, lifting her arm to let the other woman settle against her.

"Ooh, good shot," Nia murmured as the leader scored a particularly impressive point.

"Mhm." Cerys sighed quietly, tipping her head to press her lips lightly to the side of Nia's head through her hair. The other woman shivered, her fingers tightening on Cerys' knee briefly before she forced them to relax.

Breathing in quietly, Cerys inhaled the scent of the other woman's hair and skin, clean and fragrant and again slightly familiar.

"Oh, God, this is when she nearly twists her ankle... I can't watch," Nia squeaked, turning to press her face into Cerys' shoulder.

"Heeey." Cerys murmured, though she didn't pull back, though she wrapped her arms around the other woman lightly. "You said you hadn't seen this match yet."

"No I didn't," came the muffled response. "Not explicitly."

The other woman grinned, pulling back a little. "Very cute."

Nia blinked up at her, offering a hopeful smile. "It was only on in the background yesterday?"

"Hm. Shame."

"What? Why?"

That shy smile again. "Because it means I would feel bad trying to distract you from it tonight."

Nia grinned, feeling that familiar shiver run through her. "Well, I'm good at multitasking, so I caught most of it already..."

"Is that an invitation?"

"Depends on the distraction..."

Cerys seemed to decide that this was indication enough that she had leave to continue and she leaned in then to touch her lips lightly to Nia's. The other woman gave a quiet, contented sigh and returned the kiss, her eyes fluttering closed. Guess it's not so weird this time... she mused, turning a little further to face Nia and opening her mouth a little, closing her own eyes now, going by feel.

The kiss continued as it began, still gentle, light, undemanding. Nia lay back against the arm of the couch, tipping her chin up to meet Cerys' lips, her right hand lying on the other woman's knee while the other lay between them. Supporting herself carefully above her, making sure not to press their contact too close, not to invade Nia's space, Cerys nevertheless felt that slow, delicious tingle begin to spread through her limbs, her pulse lifting just slightly.

Eventually Nia pulled back, though not very far, her fingers skating lightly up Cerys' leg. "That was pretty nice... but I know there happens to be a pretty exciting part of the game coming up," she said with a grin.

Cerys opened her eyes, raising her eyebrows a little. "Is that a subtle way of telling me to step up my own game?" she asked, part playfully, part tentative.

"Mm, maybe..." the other woman replied, her expression innocent.

Shifting a little, wincing as her aching muscles protested, Cerys smiled again and leaned in to kiss her once more, this time slipping a hand to Nia's waist, moving a little closer. Seemingly satisfied, Nia made a small noise of contentment, her lips warm and pliant against Cerys'. Breathing in slowly Cerys felt her senses fill with Nia - how she smelled, how she tasted and felt, and she found herself deepening their kiss a little, her tongue flickering out just briefly to touch to Nia's.

The other woman squirmed and moved closer, her own hand shifting where it sat against Cerys' hip and sliding higher, kneading gently against her side. She couldn't quite seem to decide what she wanted - part of her worried they were moving too quickly while the other was impatient for more. It was an accident at first that edged Cerys' gently exploring fingers beneath the hem of Nia's shirt, but it was a slight intake of breath from the other woman that sent them quite deliberately skimming lightly up the bare skin of her side.

With another gasp Nia stiffened momentarily, her entire attention devoted to the few square inches of Cerys' fingertips as they caressed her side. They traced a slow but tantalizing trail past her waist and over her ribs, causing her heart to pound even faster than before. Cerys squirmed a little herself, a tiny sound escaping her own throat as she brushed her palm up across Nia's breast.

"Oh God," Nia breathed, her eyes fluttering open though she still seemed unfocused, blind.

Smiling slightly, Cerys pulled back a little to watch Nia's face as she spiralled a finger lightly around her nipple, her own eyes dark from the sensations now coursing through her. The other woman tipped her head back, her breathing becoming shallower and quicker as the contact continued. Shifting a little again Cerys rested a little more fully against Nia, now, dipping her head to trail light kisses along the other woman's neck.

Nia let out a moan as she felt Cerys' lips on her skin. "Ah, amorcito, you don't know what you do to me..."

Cerys let her eyes fall closed again now, her free hand snaking up to weave through Nia's hair, her own body humming with pent-up desire, breathing audible, now, breath hot against the skin beneath her lips. There was a strange niggling feeling at the back of her mind but she ignored it in favor of concentrating on the smell and taste and feel of Nia, who continued to let out soft sighs and moans beneath her, writhing a little as she slid her own hands to Cerys' hips and pulled her closer still, prompting Cerys to slip a knee between hers, pressing her thigh up and against Nia, catching the skin of her neck gently between her teeth.

Nia gasped, her hips rising of their own volition to press against the other woman's, and it was with great reluctance and difficulty that she managed to speak. "Cerys, please... please stop." A twist of frustration knotting itself in her stomach Cerys pulled back immediately nevertheless, removing her hand from the other woman's breast, lifting herself away from Nia.

"Sorry," she murmured, her voice low, huskier even than usual.

"No, it's okay," Nia gulped, tugging down the hem of her shirt with trembling hands. "I just... it's only our second date. I don't normally..."

Cerys sat up, now, pulling a hand away to press it to one flushed cheek. "You're right, I'm sorry, I just. I wasn't thinking. I didn't. I was going by feel I guess. I mean." She made a face at her choice of words. "You know what I mean," she finished lamely.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Nia said, her tone shaky but heartfelt. "I swear. I wanted... I mean, I really wanted to keep going. But maybe we should just keep things... less involved for now."

"Right." Cerys' brow furrowed, but she nodded. "Of course. I'm sorry," she said again.

"Hey, don't be." The other woman reached out for her hand.

"It just feels so." Cerys glanced up, her eyes still dark, lids heavy. "I feel as though we already know each other so well."

"I know," Nia murmured, stomach dropping. It did feel that way - she had certainly never been that intimate with anybody else so early in their acquaintance, but somehow with Cerys it seemed natural, and right. "I do too."

Lacing her fingers with Nia's Cerys shot her a tiny smile. "I can go if you'd prefer," she murmured, obviously reluctant.

"No, you don't have to," the other woman rushed to say, shaking her head. "I mean, I understand if you want to, but I'd love it if you stayed."

Only now, asked to stay, did a somewhat conflicted expression flicker across Cerys' face. "I. I don't know," she said, in that slightly robotic, halting way she spoke when feeling hesitant.

"Oh." Nia obviously hadn't been expecting this, and her smile became fixed as she tried not to let on how much it hurt. "Well, the game is over," she said, nodding towards the now-silent console. "Maybe we should just call it a night."

Cerys nodded. "I just." She closed her eyes momentarily, and swallowed. "When I'm around you, I have to stop myself from doing things," she said lamely. "From coming up behind you and wrapping my arms around you. From just reaching for your hand whenever I want to touch you. From just stroking your hair. I feel like." She frowned. "I feel like a stalker or something. I feel like I know you so well, and it freaks me out, and I don't trust myself to behave the way I know I should."

There was a long pause before Nia spoke. "I... feel like that too. Like I know you better than I possibly could, and I just want to... forget all the rules and just be with you. And I don't know why, and it scares me, and I... don't want you to make a mistake you'll regret."

Cerys shook her head determinedly. "Nothing about this is a mistake," she said. "It's. It's scary as hell. But it's not a mistake."

"No, but... I'm not normal, Cerys," Nia murmured, her eyes fixed on her hands balled tightly in her lap. When she lifted her head her expression was haunted. "And it is a mistake to think that anything we could have wouldn't be tainted by that."

"I don't care. It doesn't matter. It's not like I have some urge to travel and see the world or something."

"It does matter, we can't just... spend all our time in one room!"

Cerys shrugged. "I'd be with you. I'm sorry. I just. Don't care."

"Cerys, you can't mean that," Nia protested, but she looked uncertain. "What if I have some habit that you can't stand? What if we don't have anything to talk about? What if-"

In spite of her determination to respect Nia's wishes, to take things at the pace she wanted, Cerys found herself leaning in to break off the other woman's words with a short but deep kiss. "I do," she said as she pulled back. "I mean it. I'm knackered, and I'm aching, and there's still nothing I'd rather do than just be here with you."

This seemed to decide something for the other woman; at least, she stopped protesting and took Cerys' hands, pulling her up from the sofa. "Let's go to bed. To sleep," she clarified, biting her lip.

Again that hesitation. "I'd love to. I'd really love to, but. Those nightmares I get can be pretty intense. I don't want to freak you out."

"If you're putting up with me never leaving this room, I'm sure I can deal with nightmares," Nia said solemnly, giving Cerys' hands a squeeze.

Eventually, the other woman nodded, slowly, but with a tiny smile. "All right," she said. "Lead the way."

 

"Cerys? Cerys? Ah God, wake up.. please..."

The pain was unbelievable - beyond sensation alone - sharp, bright, loud, acrid, bitter, it overwhelmed her senses, rendering her completely powerless, completely out of control, unable to think about anything beyond that moment. Over the white noise she could hear a gutteral, anguished moaning which she was vaguely able to register at her own.

Nia crouched on the edge of the bed, watching with wide, panicked eyes as the other woman turned and flailed in her bed, churning the sheets into a tangled mess. She was beyond waking - Nia had given up trying by now and waited, white-knuckled fingers clenching her pillow as she did.

After what might only have been a couple of minutes but felt like an age, the thrashing stopped, the moaning dying down to a helpless whimper before stopping - along with Cerys breathing for a long, terrifying moment - before her eyes flew open as she woke with a loud gasp for air.

"Shh, it's okay, you're okay," Nia murmured, scooting closer almost immediately, and reaching out to smooth Cerys' wild hair with a trembling hand.

In her shock Cerys just turned numbly, automatically curling against Nia without a word. The terror that had gripped her during the nightmare seemed to have left her now, her expression neutral, dazed. The other woman frowned, though she didn't move away, her free hand moving to clasp the one that clutched at her blindly.

Eventually, Cerys seemed to find the air to speak, her voice hoarse and raw. "Sorry," she muttered.

"Shh, it's okay. Are you... Do you want some water?"

"I, um. Please."

Disengaging herself from Cerys' grasp, Nia slid off the bed and hurried to the refrigerator, where she poured a glass of cold, filtered water. She carried it back to the bed like an offering, tentatively sitting on the edge and holding the glass out to Cerys. "Here."

The other woman took it in both hands still tembling slightly, though more from the weakness in her overworked muscles than any apparent fear it seemed, and she sipped carefully at it, observing Nia all the time, eyes uncharacteristically dark in the dim light of the room. Nia hovered, uncertain, bitting her lip. She was glad Cerys was awake and seemingly alright, but she couldn't get the image of her twisting and writhing on the bed out of her head, nor the strangled sounds of her cries.

Perhaps Cerys sensed this, because she shot the other woman a wry smile, then. "I guess I should probably leave," she said.

"What? Oh, no, why would you do that?" Nia asked, frowning.

"I just. I figured you." Cerys shrugged. "If you want me to," she said. "If you'd rather I wasn't here after. That."

"Wow, you must think I'm some sort of heartless bitch to kick you out after you had a bad dream," Nia joked with a nearly-convincing smile. "Of course I don't want you to go."

Cerys tried to return the smile and almost succeeded. "I'm sorry," she said again. "I really did think. That maybe with you it would be different."

"I wish it was," Nia murmured, scooting a bit closer on the bed and reaching for Cerys' hand. "I wish I could make it all go away."

The other woman nodded, placing her glass of water by the bedside before moving closer to Nia herself, turning a little toward her. "How long did we get?"

"About..." Nia glanced at the bedside clock, grimaced. "Three hours."

Cerys' shoulders slumped a little at this. "Well, that's more than some nights, I guess."

"Hey, it's okay, there's plenty of night still left... we can get a couple more hours before the morning shift."

With a sad smile, Cerys shook her head. "I won't," she said. "Once the nightmares start, I don't get back to sleep without being jerked awake again. It's like they just pick up again or something."

"Oh." Nia frowned, settling against the headboard and leaning in to encircle Cerys in her arms. "And they happen every night?"

"Right now they do, yes."

"Jesus. How do you manage?"

"I nap, sometimes. I have some pills."

"Pobrecita... I wish there was something I could do," Nia said again, suppressing a yawn with the back of her hand.

Relaxing a little into Nia's protective embrace, Cerys wrapped an arm around her middle. "You do. You are. This is nice. I feel. Better. Better than I would usually after just a few hours."

"Mm, I'm glad. Do you want to watch something on the console? There's plenty to choose from..."

"Oh. Um. I think I'd like just lying here with you, if you think you could go back to sleep."

"Are you sure? That's going to be pretty boring for you..."

"Not at all, I promise."

"Mm, well... you can wake me up anytime," Nia told her, yawning again. "Okay?"

"Okay," Cerys said with a slight smile, shifting across to lie on her own side of the bed again. Nia lay down as well, snuggling up close behind Cerys and wrapping her arms around her, the other woman willingly enveloped in her embrace, closing her eyes again, for all that she knew she wouldn't be sleeping.

"G'night, amorcito," Nia murmured quietly, already drifting back to sleep.

"G'night sweetheart."

 

If Nia had hoped that Cerys' night terrors were the beginning and end of the oddness her new relationship was bound to inspire, she was sadly mistaken. Not only did the terrors continue - sometimes permitting Cerys only an hour or two of sleep before being jolted awake - but her own agoraphobia seemed to worsen to the point that she found it hard to look out the window some days and her own sleep, now tied at least some days to Cerys' unsteady schedule, became erratic and broken. Despite all that, she loved spending time with the other woman, finding with each new day more reasons why they were perfectly suited to one another.

Cerys, for her own part, seemed increasingly content with Nia despite her continuing sleeping problems. Though their physical encounters were no less intense, they were keeping that separate from their frequently shared sleeping arrangement, and the situation seemed to have found an equilibrium that, while frustrating, was certainly growing easier.

Nia woke one night to the sound of her console beeping; sitting up quickly, she checked to make sure Cerys was still asleep. When she found that she was Nia scrambled out of bed to switch off the com, sliding into her chair and pulling her headset on. "I'm not on duty tonight - what is it?"

"Yeah, we know," came the slightly bored sounding voice on the other end. "But we've got a third degree tear with a surprising wide leak radius and we just don't have anyone else with the fine articulation on their ARM. Can we pull you in for a little overtime?"

Glancing over her shoulder, Nia surveyed the sleeping form on her bed and sighed. "Fine. Patch me in."