Woodhall

"I'm so sorry, Ma'am - I wish there was any other way, but with Will off to France and Billy and Mary, I just haven't got any other choice. I'd send them just by themselves but my mother's not as fit as she once was - I really have to go with them. If only she lived a little closer by, but there's just no way I can be going back and forth from Peirshill..."

Betty looked actively apologetic, Madeline would give her that. She was even wringing her hands a little now that they were no longer occupied with her hair - Madeline could see her warm, calloused fingers folding one over the other in the mirror as the older woman stood behind her.

"I'll work whatever notice you need," she said now. "I'll make it work, somehow - until you can get a replacement."

Suppressing a wave of annoyance - honestly, as if there weren't enough hardships to deal with already - Madeline shook her head, turning to face the woman properly now, offering out one gloved hand to clasp. "Please, Betty, don't worry yourself. You should be with your family during these troubled times - I'm sure they need you just as much as I do."

Betty took her hand briefly, and bobbed her head. "Yes'm," she said. Then, "Will you be wanting your bed warmed this evening, Ma'am?"

"Yes, I think I will," Maddy said, rising and turning to check her figure in the mirror once more in an almost unconscious gesture. "The chill is certainly creeping in in the evenings, isn't it?"

"It certainly is," Betty said with a wry smile. "The nights are drawing in."

"Leaving us with nothing to do but smile politely as Lord Osment repeats the same mind-numbing story as he did last week over dinner. I'm so dreadfully bored - spring can't come soon enough."

Betty only nodded at this, giving a quick curtsey before taking her leave.

Maddy sighed as the door closed behind the older woman, wishing she could have avoided that entire conversation. Betty had been with the family for years - she had been the one who first combed out Maddy's honey blonde pigtails into an older, more sophisticated style, the one who had helped her dress for her coming out and a reliable ear to listen to the young woman's many dissatisfactions and wishes over the years. And now she was leaving.

Finding good staff was hard enough at the best of times, but now, with half the young people in the country off fighting what was as far as Maddy understood it a singularly pointless war, it was harder than ever, women who might otherwise be maids and housekeepers and cooks instead working on farms, in hospitals and in factories.

She supposed she would have to put a notice out, though heaven knew how quickly it would be answered. Still, she wouldn't keep Betty from her family for too long - at worst one of the maids could take over her duties in the interim.

Her idle musing was interrupted a few moments later however by the rude entrance of her younger sister, who, without preamble, launched right into her gripe of the day - or the evening, at any rate.

"Mama has seated me next to Peter Jenners again, Maddy, oh, can't you speak to her?"

"And tell her what, exactly - that you can't keep your mouth shut long enough to let poor Peter get a word in edgewise?" Maddy asked with a roll of her eyes.

"And why should I? He's insufferably dull!" Sophie exclaimed dramatically, throwing herself down onto her sister's bed.

"You'll muss your skirt," replied Maddy mildly. "And he's not dull, he's just..."

"Boring? Bland? Tedious?"

"Oh, he's fine, really. Besides, he's also terribly unobservant so he won't notice if you aren't paying attention."

"If he's that unobservant you could just swap places with me..."

"Who am I sitting by?"

"Cousin Jeremy."

"Ah, so that's why you wanted to swap," Maddy declared, reaching out to slap her sister's slipper-clad foot. "Could you not have just said so?"

This time it was Sophie's turn to roll her eyes. "Oh come on, Maddy, it's not as though you give him the slightest bit of attention..."

"I do so! Just because I don't simper and hang all over him as you'd like to do doesn't mean I don't enjoy his company."

"Well you might be a bit nicer since Mama obviously means for you to marry him."

Maddy frowned, reaching up to run her fingers along the lavaliere around her neck. "What Mama intends and what actually comes to pass are often two very different things, Sophie. She'll likely forget all about it when the next new eligible bachelor arrives."

"Mm, we'll see. All she seems to worry about right now is whether Henry's going to end up in France, anyway."

"We're all worried about that."

Sophie frowned then, looking equal parts concerned and irritated that Madeline had made her think serious thoughts. "So you'll swap, then?"

"Absolutely not," Maddy said with a smirk, heading for the door. "I wouldn't want to upset plans so late in the evening!"

"Ugh!" Letting out a snort of disgust, Sophie swept out after her, letting the door bang behind her. "You're impossible."

 

Maddy glanced down the table, enjoying the look of complete boredom on Sophie's face as Peter Jenners entered his sixth straight minute of monologue about crop rotation. Perhaps it wasn't altogether seemly to be so gleeful about her sister's plight, but it wasn't as if Sophie didn't try and make her life just as difficult as possible.

Sophie was a singularly unsympathetic person - Maddy's only sister, they had so little in common that sometimes they didn't have two words to say to one another for days on end. Maddy got along far better with her older brother, Henry, but of course he was off at officer's training, and likely to be so for some time. So Maddy had to entertain herself however she could, and in the long, dark winter where no one ventured outside for longer than it took to get from the automobile to the front door there weren't many other options.

For the most part, she read a lot. And so, in point of fact, did cousin Jeremy, perhaps in spite of the charm and dashing good looks that so enamoured Sophie.

"It's like in The Woman In White - you have read The Woman In White?"

"Mm?" Maddy turned back to the young man beside her, eyebrows raised. "Oh, yes, I have - terribly vaudevillian, isn't it?"

"I found it rather thrilling myself," her cousin said with a lopsided grin.

"I suppose that is one way of describing it," Maddy replied, smirking. "I think if I were to have a yearning for stories about asylums and intrigue I would rather pick up a Bronte instead."

"And we've already established how you feel about the Brontes..."

"Quite."

 

And so on, and so forth. Sophie particularly hated it when they were talking about literature, because no one else - other than Henry, when he was around - really got a word in. Maddy knew her mother would use this as one more reason why she and Cousin Jeremy were 'perfectly suited' to one another, and she had to admit, were she to marry any man he would not be the worst choice. Jeremy was a fine-looking young man, if perhaps a little too showy a dresser for Maddy's tastes, and he could certainly hold up his end of an interesting conversation, which sadly could be said of too few of their dinner guests of late.

Indeed, long after everyone else had retired to their beds, Jeremy and Maddy found themselves sitting opposite one another by the fire, still exchanging opinions and stories.

"...no, but I truly believe to appreciate Dickens it's best to read him as he first began - in serial," Maddy finished then, shaking her head. "And if that just happens to break up the endless paragraphs, well, so much the better."

"But you don't think it just contributed toward his tendency to ramble?"

"I'm sure I'd know nothing about rambling," Maddy said with a chuckle, "though I would note that everyone else had long since abandoned us."

"No stamina, these people," Jeremy replied with a chuckle.

"Mm. Sophie will have some choice words for me tomorrow, I'm sure, about my monopolising your time and attention all evening. I keep trying to tell her if she would just pick up a book she'd be welcome to join in our discussions, but the thought that she should have to work for anything is enough to put her off the idea."

"Well, she'd have to both read the book and then have something to say about it afterward," Jeremy observed - unusually cruel for him.

Maddy shot him a half-amused, half-disapproving look, torn between loyalty towards her sister and relief that Jeremy didn't seem to have been taken in by her 'charms'. "Well. Perhaps she despairs about such an eligible young man being so single-mindedly intellectual - most men your age would rather talk on any subject but literature."

"Ah, well, I am not most men," Jeremy replied with a slightly enigmatic tone. "Besides," he went on with a smile, "your mother intends me for you, not your sister. Am I not right?"

The color draining from her cheeks, Maddy pursed her lips and stared into the crackling fire, unable to meet the young man's eyes. It was unsurprising that Cousin Jeremy was aware of this fact - it wasn't as if her mother had made much secret of it, gleefully pushing her and the young man together on every occasion, encouraging their late-evening talks despite the potential for compromising her good name and honour. Still, to speak of it so baldly with her... it could only mean one thing. "Mama has a great many grand plans for both me and Sophie," she said carefully. "Trying to keep up with them all is enough to make one's head spin."

"She's had worse ideas," Jeremy said, but he immediately went on, "but I just can't think about all that stuff right now - we're still young, after all. And there's a war on." At this, his expression grew a little preoccupied, eyes flickering away from Maddy's to the fire before them.

"Yes... anybody would be foolish to make plans now. With any luck we'll be out of the war before too much longer and then life can get back to normal - but certainly not before."

"Those of us who're left."

Maddy hesitated; they had never broached more personal subjects before, but the young man seemed to be rapidly descending into a melancholy she was eager to forestall. "You are not alone - there are several other young men in the area awaiting their letters. There is no shame in it."

"Shame?" Jeremy looked almost incredulous at this. "I'm not ashamed," he said with a slight twist to his lips. "There's no shame in not being called up and there's no shame in refusing when you are called. If every man had refused to fight we wouldn't be in this stupid, pointless mess."

An objector? Maddy's eyes widened and she sucked in a discrete breath, fingers tightening around each other in her lap. "You should be careful who hears you speak that way - though I assume you'll just mock my caution."

"I don't see any white feathers around here," the young man said. Then he sighed. "I'll go if I'm called - I'm too much of a coward to go to prison when I could sit in an office somewhere far from the front and tell other people what to do, which is all that would happen. But if the common man, the man who'd be sent to die in the mud on the whim of kings, will take the stand and say this war is wrong, well, he has my respect, he has-..." Jeremy broke off at this, his expression still strangely twisted, and for a moment Maddy thought she saw a brightness in his eyes in the light from the fire. "I think I'll see the end of this, called up or not. But I do not relish the idea of being the one sending those men to their deaths."

"It does seem a ghastly business," Maddy agreed, her tone softening somewhat at the obviously heartfelt emotions she was seeing before her. She hesitated, then reached to place a gloved hand lightly on his forearm. "I hope - for your sake - that your duty is brief. Though I have been hoping that for Henry for months and it seems to be a futile wish."

"Oh, I'm sure Henry will be all right. Unless he goes and does something Heroic."

"Well, we can pray he won't be that stupid," Maddy was with a grim smile.

"Mm." Jeremy lifted his hand to cover Maddy's where it still lay on his arm. "So," he went on, finally looking back toward her. "Dickens, eh?"

 

As Maddy settled down between her toasty-warm sheets that night she pondered the brief, awkward interlude in an otherwise pleasant evening, Jeremy's eloquent words echoing in her head. It wasn't that she approved of the war, exactly, and she certainly didn't want Henry or any of the other young men she knew to be injured or worse, but she didn't know if she would have been able to speak out so passionately against it.

Then again, you aren't expected to fight in it, a little voice reminded her. Her mother, in one of her less sensible moments, had made quite a Drama of the trauma women went through watching their husbands, sons and brothers go off to war, but at the end of the day it was still the men taking those risks. Was it worth it for the freedoms they enjoyed in peacetime? Not having experienced either Maddy could hardly say, though she knew she was jealous of one and terrified of the other.

Her mind cast, unbidden, back to the beginning of her evening, to her maid Betty, the frustration and irritation she'd felt at having to find a new personal maidservant. At least there's someone in your life who'll give you perspective, you selfish, ignorant girl. What had Jeremy said of their potential match? That there were 'worse ideas'? Perhaps he wasn't so far off the mark. Certainly their personalities seemed to compliment one another - his depth of feeling, her pragmatism (although with her privilege perhaps pragmatism was made rather easier than for most). And for as long as there was literature, art and music, they would never run out of conversation topics. Could she spend her life with Jeremy Cardew?

 

Sophie was predictably huffy at breakfast the next morning, pointedly ignoring Maddy over tea and eggs and various other foodstuffs. Her snitty mood was a blessed relief to Maddy, who hadn't slept particularly well the night before and relished the silence as she held back her yawns.

Her mother didn't miss her fatigue. "Good Lord, Madeline - how late did you and Jeremy stay up? He hasn't even appeared yet himself."

"Not that late - only you all went upstairs so early it felt much later."

"Oh, come now, you look like you were up half the night." There was no disguising her mother's satisfaction at this, and it occurred to Maddy not for the first time that were she the type of woman to take advantage of a situation, she and Jeremy easily could be without it ever even occurring to her mother to wonder about it.

"We got quite drawn into a discussion about literature," Maddy said mildly, refusing to rise to her mother's gleeful bait. "You know how I like to discuss my latest reading."

"God, how fascinating," Sophie said, at last breaking her sullen silence when she could hold her tongue no longer.

"Cousin Jeremy certainly seemed to think so," Maddy couldn't help but rejoinder, smiling sweetly in her sister's direction.

"Well now, how about we keep the war to the trenches and get on with our breakfast in peace and serenity, hm?" their father piped up now, with a warning look in Maddy's direction.

'Peace and serenity' generally meant quiet, as Maddy and Sophie could not be trusted to chat politely even after such a reprimand, but rather than lapse into silence Maddy took the chance to announce, "Betty is leaving." She wondered if she was the first to know of this news, or if her father had already been informed by Hodges.

If he hadn't, he was nevertheless unmoved by the information. "Would you like to organise the advertisement yourself, or would you prefer me or your mother to do it?" was all he asked.

"I'll do it, Papa - no need to bother yourself over it."

"Very well."

 

And so Maddy found herself at her writing desk, staring at the blank sheet of paper before her. She had neglected to factor in that she had never actually written an advertisement for a lady's maid before, nor was she in the habit of looking through the 'Situations vacant' section in the newspapers. So what, exactly, does one say to attract the right sort of person?

In truth, she wasn't even sure what it was that she wanted. Did she want an exact replacement for Betty - older, reliable, stoic, honest, not friendly or forthcoming but a sympathetic ear nevertheless. What other sorts of maids were there? Would she prefer one closer to her own age, one with a lot of experience or one she could teach? She knew that Sophie preferred the younger maids, some of whom seemed as empty-headed and frivolous as she was, and that her mother was utterly dependent on the elderly woman who had served her for almost two and a half decades.

Eventually, after some thought, she selected a pen and began to write, her quick, neat hand recording her requirements.

WANTED: For one young lady, a maid. Duties will include both personal service and household work, joining a staff of the highest calibre at a large country estate. Age unimportant, spirit and spark a must. Must not object to rural surroundings or hard work. Apply with references to...

As she finished writing, a knock at the door alerted her to the presence of her current maid, Betty. "Your mother sent me to inform you that Lord Cardew is downstairs, and was enquiring after you."

"Oh, very well..." Maddy waved the slip of a paper back and forth, more out of habit than a need to help it dry, particularly, then held it out. "Could you see that Hodges gets that, please, and places it in the appropriate papers?"

"Certainly, I'll do that right away. Shall I... tell Lord Cardew you'll be down presently?"

"Yes, I'll be right down."

 

"I thought you might be avoiding me, after last night," Jeremy muttered as they walked, tightly bundled in their winter clothes, across the frost tinted lawn. "I didn't want to leave without speaking again."

"No, not at all," Maddy demured with a shake of her head, shoving her hands further down into her pockets. "I've had to spend the morning putting together an advert for a new lady's maid, that's all."

"Ah, I see. Of course." Jeremy noted her movement and turned toward her a little, crooking his arm for her to take it.

After a moment's hesitation she accepted, slipping one gloved hand into the crook of his elbow. The lawn crackled beneath their feet. "Was there something in particular you wanted to discuss?" she asked then, keeping her voice light.

"A couple of things, actually," he said. "Firstly, about what I said last night, about your mother's plans for us..."

"Mm?"

"Well, I know I said there's plenty of time for that later, and I stand by that, but..." He hesitated, glancing sidelong at his companion before looking back out before. "I don't want to seem indelicate," he said, "but I get the impression that you would very much like it if some of the... pressure... for you to find and secure a suitable match was removed. That you would like some peace from the constant speculation. Would I be right in that?"

Though she knew she ought to protest Maddy couldn't bring herself to lie to the honest and forthright young man next to her. "It would certainly be a welcome respite," she said carefully.

Jeremy nodded seriously. "I feel similarly," he said. "I can't abide the pestering and the courting - I just want to be free of it, at least for a while until this bloody war is over. I wondered, then, whether you might consider... an understanding. Not an engagement, precisely, more... an impression we do nothing to dispell. I would let my mother believe that we had a mutual intention - informally - and you could do the same with yours. We're both quite private people so our protestations that it should remain known only to our closer circles would be expected from us. We wouldn't have to lie," he said then, stopping to turn and look at Maddy, bringing is other hand to cover hers where it rested round his arm. "It wouldn't be a lie, not really, we could just... stop correcting their assumptions." He raised his eyebrows expectantly. "So what do you think? With nothing set in stone, if you did meet a man and fall in love there'd be nothing to break off - I wouldn't want to trap you into anything..."

Maddy supposed this was far less romantic an arrangement than most girls dreamed of procuring - she was not most girls, however, and the thought of putting an end to her mother's machinations, even temporarily, was too good to ignore. "And... after the war?" She asked, pale eyebrows inching up.

"Oh, after the war, who knows where we'll be?" Jeremy said. "I have an idea that Britain may be a very different place. I... hope that it is. After the war... we can speak again. See where we stand. I would not hold you to anything. I'm sure that one day you'll meet someone you actually want to marry, for love, and I would never hold you back from that." He smiled faintly. "In the meantime, you and I could be quite useful to one another. And I can think of few others I would like the excuse to spend more time with. You're very dear to me, Maddy."

"Well. I suppose better marriages have been arranged on less noble sentiment," she replied thoughtfully. Truthfully she wasnt sure how different the country would be, nor did she envisage falling madly in love with some war-ravaged veteran, but ultimately she could see no reasonable objection why they should not go forward with their 'agreement'. "Very well. I accept your proposal, Jeremy, in the spirit in which it was made - with full knowledge that things may change according to what lies ahead of us."

Her cousin's lips twitched in slight, dry amusement. "You mean you accept my proposed potential proposal," he said. "Let's not get anyone too excited."

"Trust me, when Mama hears of this there will be excitement no matter _what_ we call it."

"Mm, well, we'll need to play it carefully," he said, blinking as he caught something out of the corner of his eye. "However, in the spirit of our new 'arrangement'," he said by way of warning, he dipped his head and leaned in to plant a kiss on her cheek. "We have an observer," he explained quietly, his eyes flickering briefly over to the house. "No harm in helping things along."

Maddy stood to receive the kiss, feeling strangely numb. Perhaps it was the fact that Jeremy seemed to have planned this out to the last gesture or the sudden nature of his 'proposed potential proposal' that left her feeling empty; she struggled to fill herself with emotion, even if it was just relief that she would finally be given some peace from now on.

Perhaps Jeremy realised that he their discussion had turned a little sour for her, however, because on catching her expression as they parted he reached for her hand, and pulled her toward him for a quick, but sincere hug.

"I do love you, Maddy," he said, with the fondness of a brother. "If I were ever to marry any woman, I would hope it would be you."

"Perhaps you are luckier than I if you can consider _not_ marrying," Maddy replied more harshly than she intended. Then, bridling her anger she sighed, patting Jeremy fondly on the arm. "I'm sorry. I wish you weren't leaving today - this would all be so much easier to bear if you were to stay."

"I'll come back soon," he said now, "I promise."

"See that you do. And while you're gone - you _will_ write me?"

"Of course."

"Good."

 

"So there he goes again - who knows, perhaps we'll next see him in uniform," Sophie mused as she and Maddy watched his car disappear off down the long, wide driveway.

"Perhaps," Maddy replied thoughtfully, turning away from the window. "Though I hope not - it's enough that Henry is gone."

"Well, all young men will be called eventually, Father thinks."

"We can only hope it won't last as long as that."

"Do you think it will be over by Christmas, like they keep saying?"

"The only thing I know, Sophie, is that's already gone on too long. Beyond that, I couldn't say."

 

"Well, I spend five years with Lady Eleanor Richmond, then another at the household of the Percival family in Lancashire, then..."

Maddy began to lose concentration, as the woman continued to list off her many appointments, her voice reducing to a background drone. She hadn't expected interviewing maids to be a particularly exciting process, but this was ridiculous.

It wasn't that she wasn't interested in the lives of others - she prided herself in being as familiar with the servants as decorum allowed, and hoped she was well-regarded among them for it. But this endless listing of names and positions... it was enough to drive her mad. She waited until a suitable pause in the woman's litany and then cleared her throat. "Do you like to read?"

"To... read? To read what, m'lady?"

"Anything - books, newspapers..."

"Oh, er... I keep up with the news, I suppose - I mean, we all do at the moment, don't we?"

"I suppose so," Maddy sighed. "Thank you, that will be all."

Four down, one to go... No one had been awful, thus far - any one of the women Maddy had interviewed would she was sure be a perfectly good lady's maid to her. But the thought of any one of them was somehow just a little bit depressing. It wasn't that Betty and she had been close, but they at least had history. It was a lot to make up for, and the women she'd seen so far just... didn't.

Eyes still on the page in front of her, looking over her notes, she heard Hodges open and close the door again, and a shadow fell across her father's big leather-inset desk.

"Rowena Edwards, m'lady," Hodges announced in his rich basso profundo, before taking his leave once more, leaving Maddy alone with only the young woman standing before her. Looking up slowly, Maddy took in a neat charcoal buttoned up coat, hands clutching a matching hat, and a dark wine red scarf about the neck of a woman around her own age, perhaps a little older, with healthily tanned skin, raven black hair, and thick-lashed, remarkable eyes, coloured an almost luminous amber-green that she felt sure she'd only ever seen before on a cat. Full lips parting slightly to draw in a breath, she spoke, her voice lightly accented with a lilt that it took a moment for Maddy to process as Welsh.

"It's an honour to be granted a meeting with you, m'lady," she said, with a slight smile.

Maddy blinked, a blush inspired by the other woman's stunning good looks creeping over her cheeks. _This woman can't be a maid..._

"Oh, um, please sit down," she said after a few seconds, indicating the chair. "Thank you for coming."

Smile widening slightly, the other woman took a seat, resting her hat on her lap.

"I have your references here," Maddy said, busying herself with the few pieces of paper still in front of her. "This says you were a maid with Lady Constance Steerforth for... two years?"

The other woman cleared her throat. "Governess," she corrected her evenly. "I was governess to her two boys, Charles and Robert."

"Oh. That's... unusual. Why did you move on from that position?"

"Well, Charlie was going to school, and C- the Lady Constance... It was time," Maddy said, with a nod that was a little more decisive than her tone. "And I thought I'd... well, with the war, big households are short of good housekeeping staff, and... well, it seems like a good step to go back to that."

"I see. Well, Woodhall is no exception, I suppose. How are you with needlework?" Maddy asked, expecting the other woman to jump to assure her of her prowess with all things domestic just as the other candidates had.

"It's never been one of my primary tasks," Rowena confessed frankly, "but I can darn and do invisible stitches. I would pick it back up in no time, I assure you," she went on quickly.

"Oh, well, it's not the most pressing chore... I do try not to run too roughshod," Maddy said with a wry smile. "I'm sure you'll be up to the task." She paused, realizing she was speaking as if the other woman already had the position.

"I... yes, I believe I would be," her applicant said in a neutral tone.

"And... hair? I don't care about the latest fashions, but I do expect someone who can handle a hairpin."

She tried to be subtle about it, but Maddy caught that Rowena perked up slightly at this. "I'm quite good with hair," she said. "I used to do the Lady Constance's, on occasion."

"Well, that's good to hear." Maddy smiled, her eyes flicking to the other woman's slim hands, folded over her hat.

"I know my most recent appointment was as a governess," Rowena blurted now, though her tone, rather than apologetic, had the tiniest note of defiance to it, "but I've been a ladies' maid - I do remember the duties."

"I'm sure you do," the other woman replied, raising her eyebrows slightly in surprise. "I would just want to make sure that you'd be happy in the position - your day would be quite different than what you're used to and I wouldn't want you to be unhappy."

Rowena seemed to consider for a moment. "May I speak candidly, m'lady?"

"You may."

"It's not that I don't take pride in a job well done, m'lady - I very much do. But my enjoyment of life comes from what I do in the free time my work affords me." The young woman paused a moment, clearly thinking that this might be seen as insolence. "All I ask from my work is fair treatment, fair pay and in return I give good service. I don't need it to make me happy."

Maddy could almost hear her mother's dramatic swooning - a servant who found fulfilment in their free time? Unheard of! - and a grin grew on her features. "Well then. I'm sure we would both be adequately contented if you would accept our offer of employment."

Rowena Edwards raised her eyebrows, glancing behind herself briefly as though looking for the other applicants. This seemed to be the limit of her show of surprise, however, for she gave a nod, then, and pushed to her feet, bobbing her head deferentially. "Thank you very much, m'lady," she said. "I'm glad to accept."

 

"So just like that, you've decided? You didn't think to talk it over with your father or me?"

"She was the obvious choice, Mama. I didn't think I needed to." Maddy gave a slight shrug, knowing it made her look unladylike and not caring. "And I didn't want to bother you, I know you're so busy with the winter fair."

"Yes, about that," her mother went on, "will we still have Betty for the fair, or will this new Rowena woman be in her post by then? I hope she's a fast learner!"

"Betty will be leaving at the beginning of the week - apparently the new woman will be able to start by then. I'm sure she'll be a quick study."

"You seem very sure of a lot of things."

Maddy hesitated; she didn't particularly want to do this now, but would there truly be a better time? "Mama, I... have something to tell you."

"Oh Good Lord don't tell me you've changed your mind about your song in the evening recital - the programme's alread-"

"It's about Cousin Jeremy."

"What about him? Oh, has he been called up? And I wasn't told? I definitely asked that if-"

"He hasn't been called up, Mama," Maddy said, exasperated. "Before he left Jeremy and I spoke--"

Her mother opened her mouth to interject again, no doubt with some further guess as to what Maddy was about to say, and her daughter had to go on quickly.

"We've reached an agreement. It's nothing formal, mind, and certainly nothing to announce to anyone, so please don't assume... anything, yet."

"You've..." Lady Marion's face split into the first genuine smile Maddy had seem from her all day. "But that's marvellous, Madeline - oh, your father will be delighted."

"Mm." Maddy smiled wanly. "Well. I'm glad."

"Well, no need to look so excited. Good Lord, trust you to make a molehill out of a mountain..."

"I just don't think it's the proper time to be excited over anything, not with things as they are..."

"I have to disagree with you there, my dear - now is exactly the time to celebrate whenever we can. You're sure I can't convince you to let me make an announcement at the evening concert?"

"Please, no, Mama," Maddy groaned. "I'd really prefer you didn't..."

"Very well, very well. But I can tell your father?"

"Yes, I suppose, if you have to."

"He's going to be very happy - Jeremy's such a lovely young man, and you know, if anything were to happen..." The older woman trailed off. Though it wasn't a thought they liked to entertain as a family there was no getting away from the fact that were Henry not to return from the war, it would be Jeremy who was next in line to inherit the estate. "Well," she said then, leaning forward impulsively to hug her daughter. "It's just good to know you'll always be well taken care of."

"Thank you, Mama," Maddy said, feeling almost guilty. She didn't like deceiving her mother, not really, but the idea that she would no longer have to simper and smile at every man her mother pushed her way was freeing. And who knows, Jeremy and I may yet end up married - after all, there have been worse matches. Unless he finds another girl he truly loves and then I'll be back where I was. Ah well, at least for now things are simplified.

 

"I can't believe you get a new maid all to yourself, and I still have to make do with Mary," Sophie complained, flopping down as usual onto her sister's bed, as though her legs would not support the weight of her consternation.

"I don't know why you're complaining," Maddy said, picking through her jewellery box absently. "Mary's lovely, and no one irons a crisper seam."

"Oh who cares, she's boring - what's this Rowena woman like?"

"She's interesting, I think. She was a governess before this, actually, so that's certainly something a bit new - we haven't had one of those in the house for ages."

"A governess? Ugh... what age is she?"

"Oh, I don't know... twenty-two, perhaps? Honestly, Sophie, you shouldn't assume you know all about a person from one or two facts."

"She can't have been a governess at twenty two! All ours were at least forty!"

"I fail to see your point. There are other governesses besides ours, you know."

Sophie rolled her eyes. "Fine. Does she have that 'spirit' you advertised for?"

Maddy considered this, stirring her fingers through the baubles in front of her. "Yes, I think she does," she said finally, smiling.

"Well, I think that's ridiculous."

"Why?"

"It's not her job to be spirited. It's her job to be obedient."

"Just as well she's not your maid, then," Maddy replied primly. "I'm looking forward to having her around - I think she'll bring something exciting with her."

"Something exciting? That's ridiculous." Sophie pushed up from the bed, stalking toward the door. Before she left, though, she turned to look at her sister, shooting her one more scowl. "Mother told me about you and Jeremy. Do you really mean to marry him?"

"If I do, it's a long way off yet. For now we have... an agreement."

"In other words, you don't know. You just don't want anyone else to have him in the meantime."

"This is not me being selfish!" Maddy said, aghast. "He asked me, Sophie."

Sophie's frown didn't shift. Eventually, she shook her head, as though to dismiss whatever thoughts she was having. "Well, in any event," she said, "if you don't want to marry him, I don't know why you're bothering."

"I'd rather marry Jeremy than some stranger, or some old man I can't talk to. He's a good man," Maddy said defensively. "And if it came to it I'd be honoured to marry him."

"If it came to it. How romantic." Sophie didn't seem interested in discussing it any further then, though, for she turned on her heel and took her leave.

Romantic? Only Sophie could have made it this long and still believe in romance and love, Maddy thought with a sigh, pushing away her jewellery box. She couldn't even remember when she had given up on that particular fairy story, only that it had been a long time ago. No, far better to be practical and realize that while love was in theory an admirable quality to seek, it had no place in a decision about marriage.

Besides, what was love, really? Any more than deep affection? Certainly Maddy had never felt more strongly about anyone than she did about Jeremy Cardew - no, he didn't fill her with some passionate longing. But then, nor had anyone else. Did she not, then, love him insofar as she loved anyone?

Besides, that's not what you're doing this for. This is an arrangement between friends. I can worry about 'love' later.

 

Maddy was awoken on Monday morning by Betty, who opened the curtains to let in the clear, harsh light of morning. Stirring, the young woman pushed herself up, squinting at the other woman, who moved efficiently through the room, tidying the askew edge of the duvet at the bottom of the bed before approaching Maddy's wardrobe. "Will you be walking outside this morning, my lady?"

Maddy yawned, casting another glance outside; it was gray, but looked dry enough. "I think I will, yes, after breakfast."

"Very well, m'lady - you mother has asked that I take particular care to make sure you're wrapped up warmly, what with your singing tonight."

"She does love to fuss," Maddy sighed, shaking her head. "I'll mummify myself to make her happy. don't worry."

"Thank you, m'lady."

The blonde woman rose, shrugging on her robe against the slight chill in the room as Betty arranged her outfit for the day at the end of her bed. "Oh," Maddy remarked then, as if something had just occurred to her. "Edwards begins today, does she not?"

"I believe she does, m'lady. She's arrived Downstairs, at any rate - I'm to show her the ropes this afternoon while everyone's off to the fair. When she starts will depend on how quickly she gets the hang of things, I suppose."

"Mm, I suppose so. I'm sure with your guidance she will settle in in no time."

"Couldn't say, m'lady."

With that Maddy began to dress, her thoughts suffused with anticipation of the new maid's arrival. She cautioned herself against becoming too excited, as it could be days before she had a chance to truly get the measure of the the woman, but she couldn't help but looking forward to doing so.

 

"His lordship generally rises around seven, and the rest of the house around eight, so you'll be needed to get the house ready from six. Not every day, mind, it depends how we go and we all take our turn, so if you report to Mrs Gorey each morning she'll usually let one or two of us have another hour in bed, or whatever you'd like to do with yourself."

Rowena nodded attentively, following Betty through the long corridors of the upper floors of the house. "When do I finish morning housekeeping and start preparing for the lady Madeline?"

"You'll want to be ready for her from half seven or so - she'll always come down for breakfast unless she's not well, so you don't need to prepare a tray."

"And we're going to her rooms now to prepare for the evening - is that usual, at this time, or does it vary?"

"For a normal day this is about right - if there's anything special going on you'll want to be ready earlier. Sometimes lady Madeline and her sister get ready together, which means everything takes a bit longer so you have to be prepared for that as well, though Mary'll help you of course."

"Are they close, then, the sisters? Mary's the lady Sophie's maid?"

"Mary looks after lady Sophie, yes. As for the sisters... well. I don't know if 'close' is the way I'd put it, but I suppose being so close in age they share a great many things."

Rowena allowed a tiny smile at this. "I see."

Betty glanced at the woman beside her, her expression betraying no approval or disapproval either way. "You'll soon learn - it's just the four of them, now, and they each of them have their own mind as to how things should be conducted."

"And Lord Moncreiff - how often has he been making it back to Woodhall? I hear he hasn't been deployed yet?"

"Not yet, no. He comes every few weeks at the moment - sends the whole house into a tizzy."

"Everyone must be very worried."

"I imagine they must," Betty said non-committally.

"So I hear you're leaving to take care of your children," Rowena said now, changing tack as they entered Madeline's room and Betty made her way to the young woman's wardrobe, her replacement skirting the perimeter of the room, straightening this, dusting that, all the time watching Betty, taking in her familiar, practiced movements as she went through the motions of preparing for the evening.

"Yes, that's right," the other woman confirmed, pulling open the great oak wardrobe to reveal a variety of sparkling gowns and dresses.

"You must be glad to be able to spend more time with them."

"Mm. Now, the lady Madeline isn't picky about her dresses - I usually check with the Lady Marion if there's anything important happening, but if not you're safe choosing just about anything. She's pale, so nothing too dark or dramatic, even though she complains the lighter colours make her look like a little girl."

"So muted colours, then - the olive greens and slate blues?" Rowena said, nodding in the direction of a certain part of the carefully colour-arranged wardrobe.

"Yes, and the beige with jet beads for the nicest occasions. If you have any concerns, ask Mary - she makes it her business to know all the latest fashions for Lady Sophie, but I don't think you'll have any particular need."

"So she's not fussy about clothes, she doesn't require elaborate hairstyles... is there anything about Lady Madeline that's difficult?"

"Just her tongue," Betty replied with a huff of laughter, reaching into the wardrobe to select a plain blue gown. "And even that's usually directed at Lady Sophie."

"She sounds like a good mistress."

"They're a good family. Lady Madeline and Lord Henry especially," the other woman said then, for the first time betraying a hint of fondness for her charge. "You'll have no trouble with her."

"You'll miss them, then?"

"Miss them? I don't know how sentimental you're expecting me to be, Miss Edwards, but I'd thank you to keep your questions to your duties."

Rowena's eyebrows shot up, but she only shook her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry - I was only trying to be friendly," she said. "Perhaps I can help you with the rest of the preparations for the evening."

"Very well. Let's see you choose the rest of her garments, then."

 

This turned out to be a task at which Rowena excelled - the woman seemed to have a naturally good eye, easily able to see which items would go well together and even managing, Betty noted, to pick out a couple of the lady Madeline's favourite items in the process. This wasn't necessarily encouraging - a maid with an eye for fashion might also be a maid easily distracted by such frivolous things in her own life.

She also seemed to be hard-working and competent, though, barring a few things that had to be done 'As they're done here at Woodhall', and one or two tasks that she needed refreshed on following her time as a governess, out of general service.

By the time Maddy arrived back at her room everything had been laid out. She looked somewhat surprised to see two bodies in the room, but soon recovered and smiled warmly at Rowena as she sat and began to unbutton her blouse. "Well, it's good to see you're getting stuck in, then," she commented. "How are you finding things here at Woodhall?"

"Very nice, so far, m'lady - thank you," Rowena said easily, and Betty shot her a sharp look.

Maddy didn't seem to notice, and indeed she nodded, the smile still on her lips as she finished unbuttoning the blouse and slipped it off her shoulders. "Good, I'm glad to hear that. I'm sure you'll be settled in in no time."

"I'm sure, m'lady. When would you like the bed warmed for this evening? I understand you'll be out at the concert."

"That bloody concert," Maddy muttered to herself, making a face. She glanced up a moment later, smiling apologetically. "I suppose eleven o'clock - there will have to be a certain amount of 'socialising' afterwards, of course."

Betty's face was set in a grim mask at Maddy's language. Rowena's was impassive, though Maddy thought she caught a twinkle of amusement in her eyes when they looked to one another again. Between the two maids they managed to dress Madeline quite quickly, and it wasn't long before she was sat at her vanity again as Betty began combing out her hair. She gazed in the mirror curiously, watching as the other maid, who seemed to flit between observing Betty's actions and pottering around the room, straightening this, tidying that, and generally familiarising herself with her surroundings. She carried herself confidently, with the poise of someone who was used to always being in just the right place, no matter where that place might be.

All in all Maddy was pleased that she had made the right decision, regardless of what Sophie had said. Rowena Edwards was clearly no fool, but she didn't seem to have 'ideas above her station' as Sophie seemed to think she might. Just because a person might have ideas, it seemed, it didn't mean they weren't quite capable of doing their job with due respect and good manners.

The other woman caught her eye in the mirror again. Perhaps she'd noticed the pleased smile that had fallen over Maddy's features, for her lips twitched a little in response - she looked almost amused. Had she guessed what was making Maddy smile?

Maddy found herself caught between embarrassment and pleasure, brought back only by the slight tug on her hair as Betty fought with a snarl caused by the whipping wiind earlier that day on her walk. Grimacing, Maddy tore her eyes away from the mirror and busied herself choosing a necklace, clearing her throat a moment later to say, "I hope all the staff will have a chance to visit the winter fair - I'm sure it's even grander than last year's."

"I suspect I will be a little busy myself, m'lady. But perhaps next year - it sounds like it will be quite the event - I heard that you're singing?"

"Mm, on my mother's insistence - she likes to trot me and Sophie out at every opportunity."

Rowena smiled a little again at this, but knew better than to invoke Betty's ire by asking any further. The older woman finished with Maddy's hair and helped her clasp the necklace she had selected, then stepped back as Maddy began to slide her gloves on.

Rowena stood back, also, away from the bed where she'd been straightening the sheets, clasping her hands politely in front of her, clearly trying to rearrange her expression into one of the calm formality that Betty no doubt expected from her, for all that she was obviously naturally predisposed to be of a cheerier countenance.

Suddenly Maddy was looking forward to the older woman's departure - for all that she was fond of Betty, she was looking forward to seeing the true Rowena Edwards. "Well," she announced briskly, smoothing her gloves one final time. "Take good care of her, Betty. She has some big shoes to fill."

Even at this, Betty only allowed for a small smile, and a nod, and then all of a sudden, Sophie was at the door, everything was in motion and a moment later Rowena and Betty were once more alone.

"Come now," Betty said, gathering up the various things left over from Madeline's preparations. "I'll show you the rest of the evening's chores and then it's down to dinner with us."

"Thank you, Betty - you've been very patient with me," Rowena said seriously as she followed her out.

"Well, I don't know what you expected... I'm still employed here a few days yet. I'm not going to set you on a bad path, or leave the Lady Madeline with a half-trained maid."

"No, no, of course not. I'm just grateful, all the same."

"I'm sure you are. Just be careful not to get too familiar - we aren't here to be their friends, you know."

"I know how to be respectful," Rowena said in that neutral tone she seemed to adopt when perhaps she might quite like to use another.

"Well, good. Come on, this way, we'll check in with Mrs Gorey and see what needs doing next."

 

There was, it turned out, plenty to do, and indeed it quickly became clear that particularly given their dearth of footmen at present there was no chance of any of the staff making it out to the winter fair that evening. Luckily, not all of them were as dour as Betty, and as introductions were made Rowena found herself picking out the people she wanted to know better. Foremost among them was the chauffeur, a young man perhaps a year or two older than herself named Charlie who gave her a cheery grin and a wink as Betty gave him a brief introduction; as soon as her back was turned he made a face that nearly had Rowena laughing in the middle of the servant's kitchen.

Being quite skilled at insinuating her way into certain tasks, quite soon Rowena was in the large and rather cold garage with Charlie, cleaning the near-spotless interior of the car for its use later that evening.

"One of my boys was called Charlie," Rowena commented conversationally, though she had to clarify when she saw the beginning of a sympathetic expression on his face. "Oh, my charges - I was a governess. He just turned twelve and is off to school."

"Well, that's a bit of good news - though I'm sure you were sad to see him go," he said cheerfully, whipping his rag over the edge of the windowframe. "All the better for bringing such a pretty face to brighten up our day."

Rowena shot him a smile that was part amused and part warning, "Steady, now, Charles - I just arrived," she said then.

"What did I say?" he asked, blinking innocently.

"Just mind your manners, young man," was all she would say in reply.

Charlie grinned and appplied his rag to the next shining metal surface. "So how are you finding it, then? Woodhall, I mean."

"Well, I haven't been here a day yet," Rowena said, leaning inside the open door of the car to begin wiping down the leather interior, "but it seems lovely so far - good people, beautiful house."

"That it is. I've heard that her Ladyship's bedroom is a sight to be seen."

"Oh, I've only seen the girls' rooms so far, but if theirs are any to go by, I'm sure it is."

"So, a governess, eh? Why'd you go for this posting instead of finding another brat to look after?"

"Two, actually - but they weren't brats, they were very good boys. But Charlie went to school, and..." Rowena trailed off, her hand stilling a moment. Then she began to dust again with renewed vigour. "Lady Constance wanted to spend more time with Robert, so... there wasn't really a place for me there any more."

"Ah." If Charlie was aware that Rowena hadn't quite answered the question he didn't bring it up, merely turning his attention to the door handles and asking next, "I suppose you had your pick of postings, then, what with the war and all."

"There were a few to choose from, yes, depending on how picky one is. But... I don't know, I'm not as desirable a candidate as some, I think."

"No? And why's that?"

Rowena glanced round at Charlie, shooting him a glance that clearly asked whether he was kidding. "Oh, you know, my look, my accent, my experience. I'm not... typical. And many big houses are reluctant to take on staff that deviate in any way from the norm - especially if they're my age."

"Well, it didn't seem to stop you from getting a post here," he pointed out, shrugging. "And it isn't like Woodhall's known for letting just anyone in. So you must've done something right."

"I think perhaps being interviewed by the Lady Madeline might have had something to do with that," the other woman said, and Charlie could hear the slight smile in her voice. "She probably doesn't go by the same criteria that Mrs Gorey or her ladyship might."

"Aye, well, true enough. Still, I'm sure you'll fit in fine here. Just watch you stay on the right side of her Ladyship - and Lady Sophie. But a pretty girl like you shouldn't find that too hard to do."

"Sometimes it's us 'pretty girls' who find that hardest of all," Rowena replied, emerging from the backseat of the car and stooping to exchange her dust rag for a stiff scrubbing brush.

Charlie raised an eyebrow, but said nothing in reply, merely stooping to clean the shining spokes of the tires off with his rag. The maid disappeared back inside the car, this time attending to the floor, and the two worked for some time in companionable silence. Eventually the car was as gleaming as it ever would be, and Charlie dusted his hands off in a satisfied manner. "I think that should do us - thank you for your help, Miss Edwards."

"Oh, please, Rowen - I'm not quite ready for 'Miss Edwards' yet."

"Rowen it is then."

 

[song lyrics I will insert later]

The packed little hall broke into applause as the song came to an end, Maddy dipping her head briefly in appreciation before taking her seat again. She enjoyed performing but wouldn't admit it to anyone, especially not her mother who just would've used it as an excuse to throw weekly concerts in which she showed off her daughters' talents - though to her eternal annoyance Sophie was only a passingly decent singer compared to Maddy.

The attendees of the Woodhall Winter Fair Concert, however, were delighted with all the performances of the evening, their enjoyment more judged by what they good sing along to than the quality of the performances. As such, Sophie got just as much applause as her sister, which Maddy knew would put the younger woman in a good mood for at least the rest of the evening.

Maddy herself was finding that she was in quite good cheer tonight - perhaps it was just that her mother and sister were both happy and consequently less irritating that they occasionally had a mind to be. Her mother was in such a pleasant mood, as a matter of fact, that after Maddy approached her after the bare minimum of socialising with the other guests and asked if she could return home the older woman barely spared a thought to her answer, merely patting Maddy's arm and giving her leave to go.

Charlie dropped her off, at her request, at the front of the house, before continuing along the drive back out toward town, as he'd need to wait for the rest of the family to be ready for home and drive them in their turn.

Happily Maddy made her way indoors, envisioning an evening spent in front of the fire with her latest book. The smaller reading room was ready for her when she arrived - perhaps she'd been anticipated, as it wasn't an unusual event for her to want to retire from company before her mother and sister (her father was not overly sociable either but he usually ended up staying later at events due to simple obligation). Retrieving her book from the library, Maddy made her way to the reading room and plopped down on the couch. She hadn't changed out of her gown, but then she never wore anything particularly uncomfortable, and she kicked off her shoes as she settled in.

She hadn't been sitting long before there was a quiet knock at the door, and her new maid entered. "Can I get you anything, my lady? Tea? A night cap?"

"Oh," Maddy said, glancing up with a smile. "Tea would be wonderful, thank you."

"Very good, m'lady." Rowena hesitated. "I... I'm sorry, m'lady, but B- Miss Cooper has gone to bed - could you tell me how you like your tea?"

"With a splash of milk, no sugar."

"I'll be back very soon, then, m'lady."

"Thank you, Edwards."

 

Indeed, it was very soon that the servant returned bearing a tray bearing all the necessary accoutrements, including a selection of biscuits to go with Madeline's tea. Clearly Rowena had deliberately timed her journey such that by the time she arrived the tea would be ready, for she immediately poured it and offered it up to her mistress. "Can I fetch you anything else, m'lady?"

Maddy glanced up from her book; not that she had been paying it much attention since the other woman entered the room. "No, that's quite alright. May I ask how you are settling in?"

"Oh, er... quite well, I think my lady - you have a very beautiful house here, and a good staff. I think I will like it very well."

"I hope you will," Maddy said, smiling. "Though I doubt you'll have any problems."

Rowen smiled slightly at this. "I'm not sure why you would think that, m'lady, but thank you - I think I'm managing all right."

The other woman opened her mouth to respond and then seemed to remember her place, reaching for her cup instead. "Well, that's good. I'll try to be easy on you while you're settling in."

"No need, I assure you - sometimes baptism by fire is the only way," Rowen said with a slight smile. "When do you expect to retire, m'lady? So that I can make sure your bed is warmed."

"Oh, I... don't know," Maddy said, glancing at the clock. "Sometimes when I'm reading I just get caught up... why don't you say eleven o'clock and if I'm later it's my own fault if the bed is cold, mm?"

"I could remain on-hand for you, m'lady?" Rowen offered. "Ten minutes is all you would need to take the chill off your sheets."

"Oh, no, I wouldn't ask you to do that..."

"It's my job, m'lady, I'm happy to oblige, I assure you."

"It's fine. I'll do my best to keep to the clock."

Rowena's smile was slightly tight at this, but she dipped her head in assent. "Very well, m'lady. I will prepare your bed for eleven o' clock. And the morning?"

"Oh, um... the usual, I suppose. Oh, you won't... half seven, please. And I'll be going out, walking. After breakfast."

"I'll have some outdoor clothes ready for you."

"Thank you."

The other woman dipped her head again. "Well, if that will be all for now, m'lady, I'll leave you to your book."

"Mm, thank you, Edwards," Maddy said, tearing her eyes away from the other woman's perfect countenance.

Rowen took her leave, as quietly as she'd left, and Maddy was alone again with her book, and her warm cup of tea, content in the knowledge that there would be no one to disturb her for some time, at least.

 

"More tea, my lady?"

Maddy glanced up, shifting under the knitted shift. "Yes, thank you." There was a roaring fire in the hearth, put on to counteract the light touch of snow that blanketed the lawn outside. It had fallen not long after winter properly arrived, and while Maddy still went for walks she spent most of the rest of her time curled under a blanket in one of the reading rooms, her latest book in hand.

Rowena seemed to have settled in well, as far as Maddy could tell, certainly. She was a competent, hard-working and polite, and alhough there were a few tasks now and then that were done a little differently from what Maddy was used to they were still completed as and when she needed them, and indeed the change was not unwelcome in some respects, bringing a new variety to her days.

Setting aside her book for now, Maddy reached for the delicate cup and saucer. She sipped at her tea while casting her eyes towards the window; the air outside seemed still and frozen, and with the departure of her sister to a nearby estate for a visit to one of her friends the house was quiet.

Her maid took her leave soon after, presumably to get on with the duties of the day, and Maddy wasn't sure how long it was before she heard the door to the reading room open quietly once more. Assuming it must be Rowena returning with more tea, she didn't even turn around, meaning that she was all the more surprised when a warm baritone cut into the silence of the room.

"Well, that'll teach me to engineer surprise visits - one sister on another estate and the other lost in a book."

"Henry!" Maddy threw aside her book, jumping up to face the handsome young man with a grin. She rushed forward to embrace him joyfully, pulling back a moment later to look up at him sternly. "You should've said you were coming - Mama will be very upset that you've left her no time to organize a fete in your honour."

"Mm, well, that's exactly why I didn't write ahead," he said, all smiles himself as he hugged her back, tightly. When they pulled apart, though, his expression grew sombre.

"I've finally been given my orders," he said now. "I'm bound for Ypres in two days."

"Oh." Something inside of Maddy twisted, and she clung to Henry briefly before letting him go once again. "Is the fighting heavy there?" she asked, afraid of what the answer might be.

Her brother smiled tightly. "I'll be fine," he said.

"Of course you will," Maddy said with more conviction than she actually felt.

"So, come on, sit with me a minute - oh, is that tea fresh?"

"Yes, I'll get you a cup - oh, Henry, it's so good you're back. I can't tell you how much I've missed you. Did you get my letters?"

"I did, albeit belatedly," Henry said, taking a seat in the chair opposite Maddy's. "How's the new maid working out? Are you missing Betty?"

"Oh, no, Edwards is wonderful - I mean, of course I miss Betty," Maddy said, pouring another cup of tea and adding a sprinkle of sugar, just as she knew Henry liked. "But sometimes a bit of a change is a good thing."

"Well, good, I'm glad. Mama was a little sniffy about your advert - said you asked for 'spark' and 'spirit', and made no mention of required skills." Henry seemed more amused than disapproving at this.

"What Mama forgets is that with enough spirit one can learn almost any task," Maddy laughed. "But our problems must seem so provincial to you right now - like another world."

"Oh, I'm not in another world yet," Henry said. "Ask me next week. I feel like I've been in limbo for months, Maddy - always waiting to hear that it's time to leave, sitting on tenterhooks..."

"I suppose it's almost a relief to get your orders, then. At least now you know what lies ahead."

"I suppose. A relief, and at the same time frightening," Henry admitted with a grimace. "Still," he said, taking a sip of his tea. "I expect it'll all work out."

"I hope so," Maddy agreed gravely, clasping her cup between both hands.

"I hear Andrew and Tom were called up? Hodges must be feeling the lack of footmen."

"Yes, we're stretched a little thin at the moment - I know they were speaking about having Charlie trained up to help at dinner in case we lose anyone else."

"I'm sure he'd just love that. Still, needs must and all that - at least he's in no danger of being called up, with that gammy leg of his."

"Somehow I think he'd rather be out on the front lines than balancing a tray in the dining room," Maddy replied, smirking.

"More fool him."

Maddy sobered again; it seemed the war was destined to be an unshakable spectre hanging over their heads for the entirety of Henry's visit. Determined not to let this interfere with their time together, she resolutely pressed onward. "And how are James and Anthony? Oh and Cecil, has he settled into an officer's life at last?"

"James and Anthony have shipped off - but I've had letters, they're doing all right. And Cecil is to leave with me - he'll be stopping by Woodhall, actually, to pick me up. He's... well, you know what he's like, he's a little jumpy. But I think he's coping remarkably well with the whole thing."

"I'm sure he'll be fine, with you at his side. You have enough courage for several Cecils."

That brave grin again. "Well, in any event, let's not talk about that - I'll get enough of this business from father. Why don't we... oh, tell me about your book," he suggested now, nodding toward the book that lay abandoned by Maddy's chair.

 

When Rowen entered the reading room some time later she found Maddy deep in conversation with a young man so similar in features and mannerisms she knew he could only be the young woman's older brother, Henry. The two young people were animatedly discussing what sounded like an amusing anecdote from their childhood and barely looked up as she moved to retrieve the tea tray.

It was only as she went to pick up their own finished cups that Henry glanced up, and blinked at the unexpected sight before him. "Why, you must be Edwards, then," he said with a broad smile. "I hear you've been taking very good care of my sister."

"I... do my best, my lord," she said with a quick bob of her head.

"Henry's back on a flying visit - no doubt the staff will be whipped into a frenzy as soon as my mother decides how she's going to celebrate," Maddy said then, half to the maid and half to her brother. "So apologies in advance, I think."

"I'll consider myself forewarned," Rowen said with a slight smile at the other woman.

"Oh, and I'll wear the blue with the flowers tonight, I think. With the gold locket."

"Very good, m'lady; I'll lay them out. Will there be anything else?"

"No, thank you, that will be all."

 

With another bob of her head, Rowen took her leave, tray in hand, and headed back downstairs to the kitchens, immediately finding Mrs Gorey in her sitting room. "Were we expecting the young lord to come home today?" she asked, quite sure that they hadn't been but keen to seem helpful rather than authoritative.

The other woman looked up from her chore list, a slight frown crossing her face. "You never can tell when they'll get their leave - seems we have young men showing up on our doorstep every week with no notice and no time to prepare," she tutted.

"Well, he's upstairs with the Lady Madeline at the moment," Rowen offered now. "I'm just going to let Mrs Fisk know now."

"Very well. I best find her Ladyship and see what she wants done for dinner - we'll need to make sure everything is spic and span."

"I believe she's in her private room taking a nap," Rowen offered.

Mrs. Gorey's eyebrows winged up as she rose from her chair. "Well, don't you just know all the goings-on. If only every maid was half so helpful."

"I, er, just like to keep an eye out," Rowena offered, unsure whether she was receiving praise or censure.

"Mm. Well, whatever the case, we'll need to bring Lady Sophie back from Eastbury - will you go instruct Charlie he's to drive over straightaway and fetch her back?"

"I'll find him as soon as I've spoken to Mrs Fisk, then," Rowen said with a nod, taking her leave.

 

Her message for Mrs Fisk threw the other woman into a tizzy - like most of the members of staff, she seemed to adore Lord Henry beyond reason, and the news of his homecoming meant that she immediately began to revise the menu to include some of his favorite dishes, snapping at the poor girls who didn't scurry fast enough to follow her instructions.

From there, Rowen made her way out to the garage to find the young chaffeur. She located Charlie whistling away to himself, fiddling with what looked to be a complicated bit of machinery. He glanced up as she entered the garage, giving a bright grin. "Ah, Miss Edwards. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"The younger Lord Moncrieff's arrived," the maid said, making her way over to the car. "Mrs Gorey wants you to drive to pick Lady Sophie up from Eastbury immediately."

"Ah. I'm sure she'll be thrilled with that request," he said, grinning. "She's not due back for hours yet."

"Well, surely she'll be eager to see her brother, though?"

"I'm sure she will. How long is he staying, do you know?"

"Just a couple of days, I think. He's bound for Ypres."

"Is he?" Charlie's jovial expression faded as he wiped his hands clean on a nearby rag. "Well. All the more reason to make sure the family's together now."

"I had no idea he and the Lady Madeline looked so alike - they could be twins."

"Aye, the resemblance is strong."

"They seem close."

"I don't get to see the family moments like some of the house staff, but they've always seemed close."

"I suppose Lord Moncrieff is more like the Lady Madeline than like her sister, then?"

"I think that's a fair statement, aye."

Rowen leaned back against the motorcar, taking some of the weight off her legs for a moment. "It's funny - sometimes I think they can't possibly really be sisters - they're so different."

"Are you so similar to your siblings?" Charlie asked, raising his eyebrows as he shrugged on his jacket. "I've found that Lady Madeline and Lord Henry are the exceptions, not the rule."

"Really. I wouldn't know, I... don't have any brothers or sisters," Rowen said.

"Ah, well. I for one am glad Lady Sophie is as singular as she is - think of how you'd feel if Lady Madeline was like her."

"Oh, Good Lord, I wouldn't have it that way round," Rowen said with a little smile.

Charlie chuckled. "I didn't think so. Well, I'd best be off - let Mary know I'll be back with her charge soon as I can?"

Pushing away from the side of the car Rowena nodded, smoothing her clothes down absently. "I'll do that," she said.

"My thanks."

 

Dinner was a lovely, if rather panicked event, with everyone, family and staff alike apparently in excellent humour in the event of Henry Moncrieff's surprise appearance at Woodhall. The entire family retired to the drawing room after dinner, listening raptly to Henry's stories and sharing their own news eagerly, trying to maintain the facade that this was just another visit home for the young man. Even after the parents had made their way to their beds the younger trio stayed up, chatting in front of the fire until it was all too late.

Rowen found Maddy sat in front of her vanity, fumbling with the clasp of her locket. The other woman looked distracted, and as the maid moved to help her offered only a half-hearted 'thank you' for her efforts.

Unclasping the locket and reaching past Maddy to place it back in its little box, Rowen then reached to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Would you like me to undo your hair, m'lady?"

"Yes, please..."

Biting her lip slightly as she concentrated on her actions, Rowena carefully eased out the pins and clasps that held her hair together, reaching for a hairbrush as the other woman's long blonde hair went cascading down her back.

"Mm..." Maddy gave a sigh though her nose, reaching out to play with the necklaces in the box.

Still resisting the urge to make conversation, Rowena began to work the soft bristled brush through her mistress's hair, gently teasing through the tangles of the day. Eventually the other woman began to relax, shoulders slumping forward under the sleeves of her shift. She looked up at Rowena in the mirror.

"Will you make sure the newspapers aren't discarded after my father reads them tomorrow morning? I'd like to read them too."

Rowen pursed her lips, but nodded nevertheless. "I'll ask that Hodges keep them back. Would you like me to bring them to you?" she asked, long fingers combing gently through Maddy's hair to help the brush along.

"...yes, I think I'll read them in bed."

"So... you'd like me to bring them to your rooms for the evening? His lordship doesn't finish with them until brunch..."

"Does he really take that long?" Maddy looked surprised. "I suppose in that case I'll take them in the reading room."

"I think he takes his time," Rowena said, chewing her lower lip thoughtfully. "He... usually finishes the Times before anyone else is down, then takes the rest to his library with him. So I could bring that up to you?" she offered, neglecting to observe that she knew this only because she tended to make a point of taking the paper in question for herself when the Earl was finished with it.

"Oh, I don't... I'll just take them all at once, in the reading room."

"All right, my lady."

There was another long silence before Maddy spoke again, her normally-smooth voice somewhat rough and choked-sounding. "Do you know anything about what is happening at the front? At Ypres?"

Though their eyes were only meeting in the mirror, Rowen dropped her gaze from Maddy's. She'd been dreading this question. "Ypres is... It's been..." She trailed off, mouth flattening to a line. "It's hard to say, right now, what might be going on there - what we hear back home, well, who knows, really? But..." She cleared her throat. "Ypres is... in the way."

"Oh." When Rowen looked back up to the mirror it was Maddy whose eyes were fixed on the floor. "I suppose that's why they're sending the troops there," she murmured.

"Downstairs they say a lot of the boys are on their way there," Rowen confirmed. Hesitating a moment, she placed a hand gently on Maddy's shoulder. "He's in good company," was all she could offer.

Surprisingly the other woman reached up, placing her hand over Rowen's and squeezing it tightly. When she looked up her eyes were bright with tears, though she attempted a brave smile. "Thank you."

"Can I get you anything, m'lady?" Rowen asked now. "Some tea, or perhaps some warm brandy?"

"I think I will have some brandy," Maddy said, nodding and dropping her hand back to her side. "I know it's late but I don't think I could sleep right now no matter how hard I tried."

"Well, perhaps the brandy will help," Rowen suggested, stepping back and letting go of Maddy's shoulder with a parting squeeze. "I'll be right back."

 

By the time Rowen returned Maddy had nestled down between the sheets of the bed, her fingers plucking at the lacy coverlet distractedly.

Approaching the bed a little tentatively, as though unsure whether her order still stood, Rowen placed the tray by the bedside. "Your... brandy, m'lady - I could take it back down-"

"No, I'm sorry, it's fine... I'll just take it in bed. Just don't tell anyone," she said with a small smile.

"Your secret's safe with me," Rowen said with a tiny smile. "Would you like me to wait and take your glass back down? Or I could just get it in the morning-"

"Would you stay? I won't take long."

"Of course, m'lady."

Sitting forward, Maddy lifted the glass and took a tiny sip, wincing slightly as the liquid burned its way down her throat. She looked up to see Rowena leaning toward her, hand pre-emptively reached out a little. "I'm sorry, m'lady, I didn't realise it was so hot."

"No, no, it's fine - I'm just not quite... used to such a bracing drink, I think."

"I'm sorry. I thought perhaps... the occasion called for it."

"Perhaps it does, but I ought to be toasting with it, not hiding away like this," Maddy sighed.

"I'm sorry, my lady."

"You must think me so terrible, sitting here sniffing to myself when Henry's the one who will be packed off to be shot at in a few day's time."

"Oh, no, no, not at all, m'lady," Rowen said, stepping a little closer, shaking her head. "Of course you're worried for your brother."

"I'm not worried, I'm terrified," Maddy replied with a frown, taking a longer draught of the brandy as if trying to wash the words from her mouth. "What if he doesn't come back, Edwards? I wouldn't know what to do."

At this, Rowen seemed to throw caution to the wind somewhat, for she moved right over to the bed and crouched there, reaching a hand out to cover Maddy's where it lay on the sheet. "Nobody does," she said quietly. "I'm sorry, I know that doesn't help, but I... think everyone's terrified, really. You're not alone in this."

At first Maddy didn't speak, and Rowen worried that she had gone too far, but after a few long seconds the blonde woman let out a sigh, nodding heavily. "No, I know, you're right. I ought to be strong, for Mama and Sophie. God knows they'll be wrecks when he goes off..."

"I know you'll be there for them."

"Well, I don't have much choice, do I? There's nothing I can do except 'be there'. Other than that I'm less than useless."

Rowena frowned. "Do you really believe that?"

"Well, what else is there?"

The other woman seemed to hesitate now, obviously sure she was about to overstep some invisible mark if she said what was on her mind.

"Please," Maddy murmured, aching to hear something that would allow her to feel less impotent. "Speak."

"There are... things you could do. For the war effort. If you wanted to."

"What sort of things?"

"Well, er... you could train to be a nurse, or they need translators if you speak French or German. If we were in the city there'd be communications work, but as it is... There are the farms, they're short of labourers, but-" Rowena broke off at this, frowning and shaking her head, "Sorry, m'lady, I didn't mean to suggest you should be farm labouring, I just..."

"No, no, there's no need to apologise," Maddy said, reaching for the other woman's hand. "They were all good ideas, and I'm grateful to you for sharing them so frankly. I was wrong to sit and moan - clearly I must find something to do with myself, some way I can be of service."

"There are other ways, too, I'm sure, that could use your particular talents," Rowen said, her eyes shifting between Maddy's face, and where their hands were now clasped. "There's a convalescent hospital for wounded soldiers near here. You could help in other ways than just nursing - you could, er, read to them, or perhaps just provide them with company - I mean, not that you couldn't or shouldn't become a nurse if you wanted to. But, you know, perhaps in the meantime..."

"There are things I can begin doing now. Yes," the blonde said now, nodding. "You're right. I will have to go speak with them and find out how I can help. As soon as Henry leaves."

"You mustn't let yourself become despondent, m'lady," Rowen said now, straightening up a little from her crouching position, although she didn't let go of the other woman's hand, and indeed she leaned over a little now, reaching once more to brush a stray lock of hair back from the other woman's face. "Chin up, isn't that what they say?" she said with a slight smile.

"'They' must not have family on the front line," Maddy protested, though she did favor Rowen with a reluctant smile.

The other woman's expression flickered a little at this, and she tipped her head to the side a little. "You don't truly expect that Lord Moncrieff will be anywhere near the fighting?" she said gently, her tone unreadable.

"You don't know Henry. If there's a chance to lead 'his fellow men' he'll take it, even if it puts him in harm's way. Would that he was a coward..."

The other woman allowed for a tiny smile again. "You wouldn't have him a coward."

"I'd have him safe at home when this is all over, whatever it took."

There was little Rowen could say to this, and she only dropped her hand away from where it hovered still by Maddy's face. As she did so, the very tips of her fingers grazed the other woman's cheek, and Maddy felt a strange shiver run through her - she had never felt anything quite like it. Her eyes fixed on the other woman's face, she swallowed heavily and reached out to set her glass on the bedside table. "I think perhaps I've had enough of that for one night."

Rowen glanced at the half-finished glass, then back to Maddy, the corners of her mouth raising briefly in acknowledgement, and she stepped back properly, finally, and stooped to retrieve the tray once more. "Very good, m'lady," she said, all politeness once more.

"Thank you. For your help," Maddy clarified unneccessarily. "I... that will be all for tonight."

With another polite nod, Rowen took her leave.

Burrowing down beneath the covers, Maddy wove her fingers together and placed her head on her pillow. The roiling sensation in her stomach was the brandy, she knew, and her apprehension about Henry's departure. That was all. Nothing else.

 

Henry's visit made for two lovely days of winter walks, family meals and long conversations into the night. The young man seemed in good spirits throughout, and Maddy resolved to match his mood, pushing aside her fears in favor of enjoying their time together.

After Henry left, to many tears from Sophie and her mother and stiff upper lips and brave smiles from Maddy and her father, Rowen quietly instituted the practice, as requested, of availing Maddy of the read, somewhat wrinkled and smudged morning papers every bunch after her father finished with them.

It didn't take much reading of the fragmented and vague news from the front to spur Maddy into action. Over breakfast one bleak morning she announced her intention to visit the nearby hospital in order to offer what help she could. Sophie gasped, eyes wide with horror.

"You can't do that, Maddy - I've heard terrible stories of the men there, their disfigurements..."

"It's a hospital, Sophie, of course there are injured men there," Maddy replied disapprovingly, though inside she was quailing at the very thought herself. "All the more reason to do what we can for them."

Her mother was uncharacteristically silent at this, and as Maddy met her eye, she only tipped her head a little to one side, pursing her lips thoughtfully.

"Well, I suppose we'd better get the car ready," her father said gruffly.

"Thank you, Papa."

 

With a mixture of excitement and nerves Maddy made her way upstairs to dress for the hospital, pondering if perhaps she should have bullied her sister into coming.

When she arrived in her room she found that Rowen was still there, carefully laying out a fresh set of clothing obviously geared to be warm and practical. She looked up quickly as the door opened. "What did they say?" she asked - having already been informed the previous night of Maddy's intentions.

"Sophie thinks I've lost my mind, Papa said he'd call for the car, and Mama... she didn't say anything," Maddy replied thoughtfully, taking a seat in order to kick off the light shoes she was wearing.

"Well, I suppose that's about what you expected," Rowen offered, turning to retrieve Maddy's outdoor boots from her closet, beginning to loosen the laces for her.

"Mm, I suppose. As long as no one says no, I'm pleased." And nervous. Maddy rubbed her damp palms along her skirt, swallowing. "Have you been to the hospital? Do you know what it's like?"

Rowen nodded hesitantly. "I went with Miss Fairly to see her boy, John," she said carefully. "It's... well. It's a hospital, m'lady. Some of the men are very badly wounded."

"Yes. Yes of course. Well, as you said, it is a hospital. I'm sure I'll grow accustomed to it."

"I hope not, m'lady," Rowen said quietly, fixing her with an expression that was part pained, part compassionate.

Maddy opened her mouth to respond but found she had no words, and instead smiled ruefully and shook her head. "Look at me, dragging my heels, keeping everyone waiting. Let's get cracking, shall we?"

"Yes, sorry, m'lady," Rowen said now, stepping forward and kneeling in front of the other woman with her now loosened boots, lifting one for her to put her foot into it.

Studiously Maddy worked her feet first into one boot, then the other, waiting as the other woman laced them up once more. From there it was a matter of layering a smart jacket over her blouse and buttoning it up, and then waiting until Rowen retrieved her hat and affixed it on her head.

"Good luck, my lady," Rowen said then, favouring the other woman with an encouraging smile.

"Thank you," Maddy said with a shaky smile. "I... I'll see you upon my return, I'm sure."

"I'll be here."

 

The car rolled up in front of the hospital and came to a halt; Maddy peered up at the building from her vantage point inside the vehicle.

"You sure you want to do this, m'lady?" Charlie asked tentatively.

Tightening her jaw, Maddy nodded resolutely. "Yes, I am."

"Would you like me to come in with you? Are they expecting you?"

"I wrote to them a few days ago, they ought to be expecting me. I'll be fine on my own - you don't need to stay. But... thank you all the same."

"All right, m'lady. I'll wait a bit in case you want to come right home - in case you decide quickly what you can do for them," Charlie said smoothly. "I'll leave and return at the end of the day if you're not out in twenty minutes or so?" It was clear that the chaffeur fully expected that they would be returning to Woodhall twenty minutes hence, for all the he was too nice to be blatant about it.

This only made Madeline more determined to stay - for all that she knew no one would judge her harshly for it she could not give up now. "Very well," she said, and reached for the door handle before Charlie could leave the car and help her out. _If I'm to start helping here I might as well begin by helping myself._

 

She wasn't sure what she'd expected. She hadn't really known what to expect. But the grey pallor of Maddy's face as she arrived back at Woodhall that evening was enough to send Rowen from her observation point at the upstairs window, back to the larder for another (this time smaller) warmed brandy. She arrived at Maddy's room shortly after the lady herself, finding her merely standing in the room, one hand resting on the desk next to the lamp as she stared off into the middle distance.

She started as Rowen entered, her eyes opening wide until she realized who it was. "Oh, Edwards, you startled me..."

"I came to bring you a drink," Rowen said quietly, moving over to place the tray on her desk. "And... to see how you were feeling," she went on tentatively.

"Luckier than I've ever felt in my whole life," came the cryptic answer. Maddy took the glass and tossed back a healthy gulp of tthe brandy without seeming to taste it. "Those men, Edwards... I've never seen anything so... gruesome in my life."

The other woman just nodded a little, observing her mistress with a sympathetic expression. "Will you be going back?"

"Yes," Maddy said firmly, setting her glass down. "Tomorrow."

"Are you sure you want to right back out?" Rowen asked gently. "I'm sure you could wait a couple of days if y-"

"I told Dr Standish that I would be there tomorrow and so I shall. Now, how is your hand? Is it neat?"

"I, er... very, m'lady, yes," Rowena said, sounding somewhat bemused by this turn in the conversation.

"Good. After dinner I will ask Mrs Gorey to release you from your evening duties and you will join me in the library - we will need to apply bookplates to the books before I can loan them to the hospital."

"In the library. I... very good, m'lady," Rowena said, though it was clear from her tone that she did not expect Mrs Gorey to react very well to this plan.

"Now, I must dress for dinner - if I can speak to Papa alone I know I can convince him of this plan," Maddy declared, sitting abruptly and tugging at the laces of her boots. "The green silk, I think, he likes that one best."

"Oh, I can get those," Rowen said quickly, turning to kneel in front of her. "Your fingers must be frozen numb, those were the wrong gloves for today - it's my fault..."

"No!" In an instant Maddy was leaning down, capturing Rowen's hands in her own, which were indeed icy cold. "This is your doing, yes, but I am so grateful... can't you see that? Without you I might never have gone there today and seen the things I did."

Her answer came with a wry smile. "I'm surprised you would be grateful for that," she said quietly. "I though you might hate me for it."

"Perhaps some people would be angry at having the wool pulled from their eyes," the blonde replied, sounding hurt. She released Rowen's hands, sitting back, lips pursed. "But not me."

The other woman dipped her head at this, brow furrowing slightly. "I'm sorry, my lady," she murmured quietly, turning her attention to the laces of Maddy's boots. "I didn't mean to presume."

 

The other woman was silent as Rowen helped her dress, though her expression was more distant than annoyed, as if her thoughts were far away from the cozy, well-appointed bedroom.

"The cameo tonight?" The words shook her out of her daze - they were the first that had been spoken since Rowen's misplaced comment. The maid was holding up the pendant on its short length of ribbon, her expression questioning.

"Oh... yes," Maddy said with a nod, turning to allow the other woman to place the cameo around her pale neck. She could already feel her heart began to race, as it did every time Rowena had cause to stand so close, breath lightly caressing her nape as the dark haired woman reached around her neck with both hands, parting them to pull the ribbon around, lifting the cameo to just the right height, just between her collarbones, covering her fluttering pulse-point with its cool weight, before tying it in a neat, secure bow.

"Is that all right?" Rowen asked softly, bringing her eyes up to meet Maddy's in the mirror in front of them. Against the green of her dress the maid's eyes looked amber.

Maddy's breath caught in her throat and it was all she could do to nod dumbly, reaching up to place her fingers on the ivory carving. "Edwards, I'm... sorry if I snapped at you earlier," she murmured. "You have no reason to think I am anything but a spoiled girl and that is my fault, not yours. I should not be cross with you for it."

Rowen shook her head. "I don't think you're spoiled," she said. "I don't know why I said that, before, I just..." The conflict was clear in her expression - either she wasn't sure what to say, or she knew but wasn't sure she should say it. Eventually, she settled for, "I overstep the mark, sometimes," she said, "and then I worry that I've done the wrong thing. I'm sure your father would not thank you if he knew it was me who 'put these ideas in your head'." It was clear from her tone that these were not the words she would personally choose for Maddy's new pursuit.

"Well, then, it will have to be our secret." Maddy felt a thrill inside at the thought of sharing a secret with the exotic woman behind her.

If Rowen felt the same, she didn't betray it, though she did smile a little at Maddy's reflection in the mirror, and give a tiny nod. "All right," she said. Then she stepped back, just a little, brushing her hands lightly across her mistress's shoulders, presumably to clear away any stray hairs or dust.

Maddy couldn't help but shiver and close her eyes briefly, and when she opened them Rowen had moved away and was busy tidying up the remainder of Maddy's outdoor things. Casting a glance at herself in the mirror - she looked normal, as if she had not just spent the day among the lame and crippled - she sighed and turned. "Well. Wish me luck."

"Good luck, my lady."

 

"Oh, Madeline, can't you just organise a church collection or somesuch?"

"A church collection? These men don't need money, they need our help!"

"And a collection might pay for someone to do give some of that help - really, dear, it doesn't seem quite proper you giving up your own time to work there..."

"Do you even know what I do with 'my own time', Mama? I go for walks, I read. How is that more valuable than helping the men who served to protect us?" Maddy demanded stubbornly, her cheeks pink and hot.

"That's awfully noble talk coming from the one who was only the other day asking 'what this stupid war was really about anyhow'," Sophie interjected, gaining a glowering look from her sister for repeating words spoken in confidence - and to Henry, not even to her.

"Girls, girls." It took only this from their father to silence them, all eyes swinging his way. He took his time now that he had their attention, clearing his throat, dabbing his mouth with his napkin before fixing Maddy with a stern expression.

"You can't take the Britannica," he said. "It's in mint condition, it's nearly new and it's worth a small fortune."

Maddy broke into a grin, quelling the urge to jump up and hug her father tightly around the neck. "Yes, Papa," she agreed, nodding.

"And not a single book can leave this house without a plate in the front," he went on, ignoring the indignant looks from his younger daughter. "I expect everything to be labelled - and not just labelled, either, I want it all indexed. My fiction collection's needed indexed for years; I may as well get something out of your new industrious streak."

"Yes, Papa," Maddy said again, and then, "Maybe Sophie can help me - I'm going to have Edwards help with the labeling as well, since I'd like to bring the books as soon as I can."

Sophie gave her a look that made it quite clear she'd be doing nothing of the sort. "I hope you've agreed that with Mrs Gorey," her mother said now. "She's shortstaffed enough as it is."

"I was going to speak to her after dinner. Unless you think I ought not to..."

"Well, she's your maid, dear, do as you please. Just remember that whatever you do in this venture of yours, you will always be making work for other people as well, one way or another," her mother said, sounding much more level-headed than she had before when she was in her 'Devil's Advocate' mode. "And that's all right, if you believe in the cause. Just think things through, hm? Make sure all the sacrifices are worth it, whether it be a night away from her usual duties for Edwards, or anything else."

Maddy nodded obediently, as always feeling somewhat meeker when her mother decided to be reasonable. She had been looking forward to an evening spent in the library with the dark-haired maid but realized now it was perhaps selfish of her to take her away from her duties - or worse, her time to herself. She decided she would not bother Mrs Gorey with her request; though it might take longer to plate and catalog the books herself she was more than up for the challenge.

 

Thus she was rather surprised later that night, after dinner, to hear a quiet knock at the library door and then to see her maid enter, closing it quietly behind her. She had brought a tray with tea as usual, but on placing it on the desk she then stepped back, hovering as though awaiting further instruction.

"Oh, I... is there something else?" Maddy asked, pausing in her meticulous categorizing of the stack of books in front of her. "Has my father changed his mind?"

"Er, no, I..." Rowen frowned confusedly. "Mrs Gorey sent me, said that you needed me to help you - I assumed... you had spoken to her."

Now it was Maddy's turn to frown. "But I didn't - I was going to, but I realized that it would only mean more work for everyone else, so I didn't."

"Well, then I suppose someone else must have - your father perhaps?"

"I suppose so... well. If you have been given leave to help I would be very glad of your assistance." Maddy shifted, then set down her pen, reaching up to scratch the side of her nose, which had been itching for some time. "There are a great many books yet to plate, and then I must write them all down so that I can index them later..."

Rowena smiled a little, suddenly, her eyes dropping away from Maddy's face then. "Just... tell me what to do," she said as she looked back up.

"I'll get you a pen and then you can begin plating - there's a stack right there, and plenty more hidden away in the desk if you run out."

 

It was strange at first to see her maid, whom she'd only seen dusting and making beds and folding clothes, wielding a fountain pen and lettering book plates in what turned out to be an immaculate script. But as the time passed, the night rolling on, it began to feel natural to have the other woman sitting beside her, working away - more natural, in many ways, than having her as a maid.

Between them they managed to set aside a sizable stack of books that Maddy planned on taking with her to the hospital the next day - the first of many such trips, she hoped. It wasn't that she thought every man there would want to read, nor did she imagine that a book would be a suitable replacement for the many things they lacked, but it was something that she could do, right now, and for that reason she was willing to stay up all night if it took that long to finish.

Such it was that she closed her eyes for a second to rest them and returned to herself what she thought was only seconds later to feel paper against her face, and a warm hand on her shoulder.

"I think it might be time for bed, m'lady."

"No, there are just a few more to do," Maddy protested, suppressing a yawn as she straightened up.

"Then we can finish them tomorrow, my lady - or I'll stay up. But you're too tired." Rowena tipped her head to one side, observing Maddy for a long moment with an expression that could only be called fond. "You don't want to make a mess of them in your fatigue, do you?"

"No, of course not," Maddy agreed. She could feel the fatigue settling in her bones even as the other woman pointed it out; the more she fought against it the heavier her eyelids felt. "But you must be tired as well - promise me you will leave them for tonight."

"I'm at your command, my lady."

"Then I would ask that you get some rest - I can find my own way to bed tonight."

"I'll see you safely upstairs first," Rowen said in a tone that brooked no argument.

Maddy didn't even try to protest, merely pushing herself to her feet and, after checking that the pens were properly capped and stored, making her way towards the outer hall.

 

Of course, Rowen didn't just see her safely upstairs. Once they were there, she just wanted to 'neaten up the bed' and then while Maddy went to wash up for the night she had 'thought she might just as well warm a pan' and then she'd 'best help with the fastenings of that dress', and before she knew it the other woman had done all the things she usually did of an evening, albeit it didn't feel quite the same - perhaps it was the late hour, the rest of the house long silent, or perhaps it was their hours together working elbow to elbow in the library, but this night's ritual felt gentler, less workmanlike, more intimate than it ever had before.

Perhaps this was why rather than get into her bed Maddy perched on the edge, her bare feet just brushing the floor as she watched the maid finish tidying away the dress and other assorted accessories, including the cameo she had been wearing not long before. Rowen moved with an efficient grace, her sure hands deftly tucking away the jewellery and closing the carved wooden box.

She turned and paused, taking Maddy's appearance in for a moment before something seemed to occur to her, and she stepped across the room to the fireplace. "I haven't warmed the sheets yet," she said. "Let me just get the warming pan."

"I hope I didn't cause too much trouble with Mrs Gorey tonight - she isn't going to be cross with you, is she?" Maddy said as the other woman drew the warm stones from the fire, placing them in the waiting copper pan.

"Mrs Gorey is a very fair woman," Rowen said as she flipped the lid of the pan closed, leaning to hold her hand over it, waiting for it to be ready. "She would never chastise me for following orders."

"I'm glad, because your assistance has been invaluable to me. I don't know what I would have done without it."

The other woman only smiled, making her way around to the far side of the bed and pulling the sheets back a little, running the closed pan between them slowly, taking particular care to make sure she warmed the area where Maddy's feet would be. Maddy watched, silently, chewing pensively on her lower lip.

"There," Rowen said quietly, shooting Maddy another fond smile as she withdrew the warming pan. "That should take the chill off."

"Thank you," the blonde murmured, unmoving. She waited for several long seconds, looking at Rowen with a puzzled expression on her face before finally turning and sliding under the covers with a sigh.

Skirting around the room, Rowen did her usual last-thing fussing - straightening this, smoothing that, emptying the warming pan and placing it by the fire on her way around to Maddy's desk, where she turned off the lamp before making her final journey to the young woman's bedside. Maddy was sure that it wasn't her imagination that the other woman stood still, surveying her, for longer than usual in the light from the single remaining bedside lamp.

She was just about to say something when Rowen's expression shifted a little, her smile widening, and she tipped her head to one side and leaned down to look more closely at Maddy.

"You still have a little ink on your nose," she said. "Didn't you see it in the bathroom?"

"Still?" Maddy asked, sitting up slightly and ignoring the other woman's question. "How long was it there for? Oh, I must look like such a fool..."

"Not at all, here, let me..." Rowen had already reached for the handkerchief that sat by the bedside, dipping it into the glass of water there and leaning in closer. "Hold still," she said, reaching to dab, then gently rub the offending spot a moment. Seeing the question still in Maddy's eyes, that fond smile flickered across her face again, and she cracked. "It's been there all night," she confessed. "You put it there when I first came to the library."

"And you didn't say? How terrible!" Just as she would to her misbehaving sister Maddy reached out to smack the other woman's behind lightly, realizing only too late that this was not Sophie at all - a split-second before she made contact but not quickly enough to stop herself. There was little to be felt, of course, through layers of thick cotton and pettycoat, but that didn't matter - the damage done, Rowen had started back, straightening, eyes wide, mouth open in shock.

Her expression was mirrored on Maddy's face - it was clear that the blonde woman was just as mortified as the maid. She snatched her hand back, holding it against her chest as she opened and closed her mouth, trying to find the words that would explain her behavior. "I'm... sorry," she said weakly, eventually, heart thundering in her chest. "That was... I didn't..."

The maid shook her head, her expression settling again as she seemed to come back to herself more quickly than Maddy had. "It's all right," she said. "I've seen... with Sophie, it's all right." Still, there was no disguising that her cheeks were quite pink, in spite of her olive skin.

Maddy's own cheeks were burning, and she ducked her head, unable to meet the other woman's eyes. "I forgot myself. I apologize if I have made you uncomfortable," she murmured.

"No, it's fine, really..." Rowen sounded concerned now, and she leaned over the bed a little again, reaching to tuck Maddy's hair behind her ear as she had the previous night - it seemed so long ago, now. Rowena's fingertips were a little cool from the damp handkerchief, but Maddy knew by now that it wasn't just that that caused that little shiver but something about Rowen herself.

Glancing up shyly she was struck once again by the other woman's catlike eyes, which seemed to glow greenly in the soft light of the bedside lamp. They closed, now, tightly, as though Rowen had felt a sudden stab of pain. She didn't draw back, though, her hand still resting against her mistress's cheek as her face relaxed again and her eyes fluttered slowly back open, seeming somehow darker than before in the moment - it could only have been a matter of seconds, but it seemed to stretch on forever.

"Edwards? Is something the matter?" Maddy asked dreamily, blinking slowly up at the other woman.

"Rowen," the maid corrected her, almost sharply. She seemed to catch herself then, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, I'm... that was inappropriate." She smiled sheepishly - her accent seemed slightly stronger in her distraction, though it was still somehow more cultured sounding than most of the other staff at Woodhall. "My turn, it seems. I apologise."

"Rowen... that's what you would prefer I call you?"

"No. I mean yes, I..." A sigh. "I noticed... you called Betty by her first name, but never me. I don't know, it's silly. I know it's more normal to call a maid by her surname."

"I knew Betty from when I was very young. I suppose... I had promised myself I would act more adult, and calling you by your surname was part of that," Maddy said with a rueful smile. "But Rowen is such a beautiful name, and if that is what you'd prefer..."

"It just feels... odd, with us so alike in ages and so..." Rowen shook her head then. "If you would like to," she said, "I'd be honoured."

Maddy smiled, pleased that she had learned something about this fascinating woman as well as having found a way to make her happy. _After all, it is our duty to ensure the staff are content and that we treat them fairly, is it not?_ "Very well, Rowen it is from now on."

The other woman bobbed her head a little in understanding, and finally drew her hands away - Maddy had been at once all-too-aware and yet had forgotten about the light touch to her warm cheek, the slightly calloused thumb that had stroked gently across her skin. She immediately felt a little colder for its absence. Rowen's face was a little conflicted, as though something about what had just passed between them didn't sit quite right with her, for all that she seemed unable to keep from smiling a little.

Though she was curious as to what was causing the other woman's consternation Maddy's query was interrupted by an enormous yawn, and she was forced to cover her mouth with both hands, leaning back a little against the soft pillows.

Rowen chuckled, the tension broken, and she smoothed her hand over the sheets, tugging them up a little to better cover her mistress, though she stopped short of tucking her in. "Sleep well, my lady."

"Goodnight, E-- Rowen."

 

The following days were busy ones for Maddy. She made her way to the hospital each morning, bracing herself inside the car before marching inside to help. She was no nurse, but there was plenty of work for an extra pair of hands. She spent her day bringing water to thirsty invalids, reading letters from home and occasionally helping to write missives back. Sometimes she found herself at the bedside of this soldier or the other merely listening as they spoke - never of the war but of the things they had left behind, their families and sweethearts, their hopes and dreams. As the lent library began to grow she helped to distribute the books amongst the soldiers, sometimes recommending books when she felt able and sometimes sitting to read, chapters at a time, for those who couldn't.

The other staff, at first sceptical of their new staff member, soon warmed to the determined, caring young woman, and as time went on she even began to feel as though she was navigating the beginnings of friendship with one or two of the nurses, their somewhat nervous deference beginning to give way to more naturalistic behaviour once a week or so had passed.

Evenings were no less hectic; once she and Rowen finished marking down the books there was of course the task of indexing them, which took far longer than Maddy had foreseen. There were also a dozen other chores which needed done: fabric torn into bandages, socks to be knitted - for which Maddy had to learn to knit - and many other chores that kept her busy from the time she finished dinner until she fell into bed at night.

Though she would have dearly liked to, Maddy did not always utilise Rowen's help with these tasks, taking her away from her usual work only a couple of evenings a week less because she needed her (although she had required her for knitting instruction) and more because so enjoyed the other woman's company. She always kept her mother's warning in the back of her mind, but all the same looked forward to the evenings that she and the other woman would spend together, mostly in companionable silence.

In early December the belated news arrived that some troops had been pulled back out of Ypres following its capture by Allied forces late in the previous month. They'd received no word from Henry in a fortnight, but he hadn't been reported missing, and so perhaps this explained his silence.

The news of more troops being removed from harm - for now lent a certain air of joviality to goings-on at the hospital, and Maddy was able to forestall her own worries by concentrating on that instead. Several of the fitter men would be sent back to the front before too long, and many of them had been dreading where they might go. Though the rumblings of the news suggested to Maddy that the conflict in Ypres was far from over, it was comforting that for now at least some of 'her' men might be spared it.

Meanwhile, plans for the holiday season were underway at home; the lady Marion kept the staff busy giving the house a thorough cleaning before decorating it for Christmas, which with the giant pine boughs over the mantel shelves and the garlands around the bannisters meant that Woodhall smelled like a fragrant forest. Mrs Fisk was busy planning a series of sumptuous meals, as there were a steady stream of guests expected throughout the upcoming weeks, and Maddy was cautioned that she would have to make sure to attend to her duties at home before she would be able to spend time at the hospital.

"It's not fair," she announced one evening, sitting as Rowen worked at her hair before dinner. "These men need company just as much as some stuffy old earl - more, if you ask me. I can't just abandon them because the hordes have decided to take advantage of the holiday spirit and descend upon us."

"I'm sure you'll find a way to balance your time," Rowen said, shooting her a warm smile in the mirror, that usual, constant, unflinching faith in her eyes. It was that look that had spurred her to do all of this in the first place, and its bolstering effect had not lessened over time.

"Mm. I'm afraid I'll be working poor Charlie to the bone, driving me all across the countryside as he is."

"Well, once the weather gets better you could walk?" her maid suggested. "It's not too far."

"I suppose I could," Maddy said thoughtfully, pursing her lips. "When I don't have supplies or books to bring, that is."

"There usually isn't too much, is there?"

"No, not usually. Though I was thinking I might put together something for Christmas, for everyone..."

"Well, the weather certainly won't be any better then," Rowena reasoned. "No one would expect you to walk in the cold - or in the snow."

"No, of course not..." Maddy trailed off thoughtfully, distracted by the sensation of Rowen's slim fingers running through her hair, deftly twisting it up and pinning it in place.

"Are you planning to be over there much? Over Christmas, I mean," Rowen asked now, clearly trying to keep her voice light.

"Hm? Oh, well," Maddy said, blinking as she came back to herself. "As much as I can, I hope, though I believe Mama will require me here more often than I have been of late."

"She, er... mentioned that Lord Cardew was coming to stay."

"Oh, is he?" The blonde woman smiled, reaching to play with a loose button sitting on the vanity. "Well, then, at least my captivity will be a pleasant one."

"You two are... unofficially engaged, is that right?" Rowen asked tentatively, her tone unreadable.

"Of a sort," came the easy response. "Far too unofficial for Mama, anyway. Of course, she won't be happy until I'm married and packed off to the Cardew estate." Maddy wrinkled her nose, tapping the button against the edge of the vanity.

"I'm sure that's not the way she sees it."

"No, but she's not the one being married off, is she?"

Maddy saw Rowen's brow furrow a little in the mirror. "Surely you needn't marry him if you'd rather not," she said.

"Well, I have to marry someone," Maddy said, slightly crossly. "And I'd rather Jeremy than anybody else."

It was obvious to Maddy that Rowen had further opinions on this, but she didn't impart them, instead looking back to the other woman's hair. "Very good, m'lady."

"I won't need any help this evening - Mama has insisted I go over menus with her." Maddy couldn't tell why she was feeling so cross - was it the idea of spending all evening poring over menus with her mother, or her maid's reaction to news of Jeremy's visit? She had been looking forward to the young man's presence until Rowen reminded her of their supposed engagement; now she dreaded the idea of spending all that time with him while others assumed erroneously about their relationship and their feelings towards one another.

"Very good, m'lady." How did she manage to make that simple utterance sound so... not cold exactly, but distant - almost hurt.

 

"Why didn't you tell me Cousin Jeremy was coming to stay? Last I heard he was planning to be at Hatfield House with his parents."

"Oh, well, I assumed he'd tell you himself, my dear," her mother breezed, scanning down the neatly written list of dishes in front of her. "Or perhaps he wanted to surprise you?"

"He knows how busy I am - this is not a welcome surprise," Maddy huffed.

"Well I'm sure he'll be a welcome distraction - no one could object to you taking some time away from the hospital to spend time with your fiancé..."

"He is not my fiancé, Mama."

"Well, whatever you want to call it. Your intended."

"Well, I'm still going to the hospital. And I'd like to organize something for everyone there - to show them they are being thought of."

"All right, dearest - when?"

"On Christmas Day."

Her mother raised her eyebrows. "Well, I'm sure we could spare you for a little while on the twenty third to help them prepare for that."

"No, Mama, I want to be there -on- Christmas Day," Maddy said, frowning. She hated when her acted willfully ignorant. "Not the twenty-third."

"Come on, Madeline, be serious. You can't leave home on Christmas Day - and would you really ask Charlie to drive you?"

"I'll walk - as long as the preparations are done ahead of time there's no reason why I could not."

"What if it's snowing?"

"Then I'll wear a scarf!" Maddy all but shouted, growing exasperated. "For God's sake, Mama, would you -listen- to yourself? There is absolutely no reason I should not spend Christmas morning at the hospital, and so I will be, no matter what idiotic reasons you come up with why I should not."

"What about spending time with your family? Is that 'idiotic'?"

"I'll be back for the evening. And... I'll spend all of Boxing Day here."

"Can't you spend Boxing Day there?"

"I can spend Boxing Day there -as well- , if that's what you mean."

"Madeline this simply won't do - you can't truly mean to be away from your family on Christmas Day!"

"What if it was Henry?"

At this her mother's eye's widened a little, and she went pale. Clearly the idea of her son lying in a hospital bed somewhere was not one that she relished being reminded of.

"You wouldn't want him to be alone on Christmas, would you?" Maddy asked, pushing forward despite the twisting in her stomach. "These men are all like him - they're somebody's brother, father, son. They deserve all that we can give them, especially on Christmas Day."

She could tell from the expression on her mother's face - hurt, a little resentful, but resigned, that she was beaten. "Very well," she said quietly. "But you must take Rowena with you. I won't have you traipsing across the countryside alone at this time of year." It seemed to entirely escape Marion's notice that this still involved a staff member, even if it wasn't Charles.

Maddy knew better than to protest now that she had gotten her way, so she merely nodded, folding her hands into her lap. "Yes, Mama. Thank you."

 

"So we're to lose you on Christmas Day now, eh? I might have known where this would end..."

Rowena looked up from her mending to see that Mrs Gorey was in fact addressing her, as she'd suspected. She'd heard nothing about this, but she'd known of the lady Madeline's intentions, so perhaps it was not so surprising. "I'm sorry, Mrs Gorey. I can work a long day - I think the lady Madeline intends to return in the afternoon."

"Oh, I'm sure she does," Mrs Gorey said with a shake of her head. "And with her fiancé here as well - who will I spare to look after him?"

"I'm sorry, Mrs Gorey. Perhaps he... will want to come to the hospital with the lady Madeline?"

"Only time will tell. I'd expect you to know, mind, seeing as you two are thick as thieves..."

"I..." Rowen shook her head. "She really doesn't talk about Lord Cardew."

"No? Well, she's always been a private one I suppose. Not like her sister - if she managed to get herself engaged she'd be crowing it from the roof."

"They're not..." The maid seemed to catch herself. "The lady Madeline said it was more an agreement than an engagement," she said lamely.

"And what's the difference, I wonder?" Mrs Gorey replied, raising her eyebrows.

"It seems to make a difference to the lady, in any event," Rowen said quietly hoping that it didn't show in her voice that it made a difference to her, also.

"Mm, well, he's still an extra mouth to feed and an extra room to clean regardless. See if you can hurry her along on the day, get her back early - we'll need you from lunch onwards."

"I don- I'll do my best," Rowena said, looking studiously back to her mending.

Apparently satisfied that her grievances had been heard, Mrs Gorey soon bustled off, leaving Rowen to her chores.

 

The following weeks flew by - there was so much to do, so many preparations to make that it seemed like no time at all before Maddy was standing out on the drive waiting to meet Jeremy Cardew in his flash little car. She had gotten over the annoyance that the news of his potential visit had caused and was once again looking forward to seeing him, though she vowed she would not compromise her visits to the hospital because of his presence.

"Are you not cold, m'lady?"

Charlie was waiting beside her, hands clasped formally in front of him, waiting for the car to take it on to the garage when Jeremy arrived. "I could watch out and come tell you when he's on his way up the drive," he offered now.

"I could do that from the window," Maddy replied with a grin, bouncing a little on the soles of her boots. "If you're cold you can go wait inside and I'll tell you when he's on his way." She had grown more familiar with Charlie over the weeks of their trips to the hospital together - she knew her parents would probably frown to hear how she talked to him but they weren't there and Sophie wasn't around to tattle.

"Thank you, m'lady, but I'll be fine," Charlie said with a sidelong grin. "Oh, and speak of the devil," he said now, nodding down the long, broad driveway.

The little car zipped up the drive, throwing gravel out to either side. Jeremy pulled up to the front door and stopped, unfolding his tall frame from within and emerging with a flourish, which earned an approving grin from Maddy. "That was quite an entrance."

"Well, you know me, ever dashing," Jeremy said, approaching Maddy for a warm hug and a briefer, subtly less sincere kiss on the cheek.

"Then you're certainly in the wrong place - there is nothing dashing or even exciting about Woodhall in the winter."

"Well, I'm excited to dash inside out of the cold, how about that?"

"Come on then, in we go."

 

They had plenty of catching up to do, it turned out, and though they took the time to change for dinner and repair to the second drawing room they were soon deep in conversation, barely noticing when the dinner gong rang and Maddy's mother finally interrupted them, demanding that they at least spend some time with the rest of the family.

Dinner was a jolly affair. Though the family grew ever more fragile and argumentative as a group as Christmas without Henry approached, everyone was putting on a brave face for the occasion of Jeremy's visit, and as such it was one of the more pleasant evenings they'd had around the table in some days.

It wasn't until later, after even Sophie had taken her leave, boring of their talk of literature and music, that Jeremy turned to Maddy and confided his biggest piece of news.

"I'm not going to war," he said, eyes on his whisky. "I... I wanted to say something at dinner, but I didn't know how to put it, and with Henry..." He made a face, lips flattening into a line briefly. "I got the call," he said, "and I showed up, too, but I was knocked back. Fragile disposition, they said."

Confused, Maddy blinked rapidly, unsure of what to say. She certainly wouldn't have described Jeremy as fragile - though tall he was lean rather than spindly, and she had seen him atop a polo pony on more than one occasion, ably handling the pony and stick without seeming to break a sweat. "I... well... that is what you wanted, is it not?" She asked carefully then.

"Mm. I mean, yes, I suppose," he said. He didn't seem entirely comforted, however, glancing distractedly toward the fire. Eventually, he looked back to his cousin. "Maddy, you don't think your father might have... pulled some strings, said something somewhere to get me knocked back, do you?" He sounded at once hopeful and apprehensive.

"I... don't know, Jeremy, I really couldn't say," Maddy said, frowning - she knew her father would not have done anything of the sort for Jeremy or anyone else. "I'm sorry."

"I didn't think so," he said. Again, that conflict. "I would never have lied," he said now, his tone almost urgent, his expression intense. "I didn't lie." When Maddy didn't speak, he went on. "But someone did."

"Perhaps you could speak to someone? Appeal your case? I'm sure they'd be willing to listen if you had a good reason to believe someone was telling falsehoods..."

But Jeremy was already shaking his head. "I can't," he said quietly. "Even if I was aching to go get shot at, I really can't." He looked back toward Maddy. "You'll believe me, won't you? Please?"

"Of course I will," Maddy replied, unsure what was troubling the young man but anxious to reassure him. "I know you, Jeremy Cardew, and you are no liar."

"I wouldn't go that far, darling. Everybody's lying about something. But I'm not lying now." Jeremy reached across the gap between them, now, taking Maddy's hand. "You're the most wonderful girl I've ever known, Maddy," he said now. "I don't know what I'd do without you. I hope you know that."

Maddy felt a twinge in her stomach and glanced down at their linked hands. Swallowing heavily, she inched closer to Jeremy, glancing back up at him with what she hoped was a come-hither look - she didn't practice them in the mirror the way Sophie did. "I'm glad you're here," she murmured. Did she really want to do this? Not truly, but she had to know what was between them - could she be happy with Jeremy?

She saw him catch her expression - she saw the moment when his eyes widened, just slightly, as he took her in, and he opened his mouth as if to speak, at first, though nothing seemed to come. She watched him fight some fresh internal battle within himself, and eventually he lifted his hand away from hers, breaking their touch not to pull back but to lift the same hand to her face, tucking a stray strand of her light hair behind her ear. The act felt immediately familiar - she'd lost count now of the number of times Rowen had had cause to do just that, and thus it was that as he leaned in to kiss her, lightly, on the lips, Maddy's thoughts were more confused than ever.

The kiss was brief; before she even realized it Maddy was sitting back, taking a deep breath, feeling the flush run over her cheeks. "You must be tired," she murmured now, unable to meet Jeremy's eyes for some reason "I would hate to keep you from you bed."

Jeremy sat back himself, now, looking considerably more composed than Maddy felt. "I'm not," he said matter-of-factly. "But I should probably go to bed in any case. And you'll want to be fit for your veterans. I'll drive you out, by the way," he added, "on Christmas Day. I don't think I could... stay," he said, his expression briefly pained. "But I'll see you safely out and back."

"Oh, well... thank you." Glancing up, Maddy attempted a shy but genuine smile. "Goodnight, Jeremy."

"Goodnight, Madeline."

 

Rowen had never seen her mistress so pensive before - even upon her return from her first visit to the hospital she was animated, bursting with ideas that she eagerly shared with her maid. Tonight, however, she was silent, sitting in absolute stillness with a faraway expression on her face as Rowen brushed out her hair.

Eventually, she decided that she would have to say something, and cleared her throat, trying, "So you're staying home from the hospital tomorrow, is that right, my lady?"

"Mm? Oh, yes, I am, though I'll be sending Charlie with some of those packages we put together."

"If you give me a list I'll make sure he takes away the right things."

"Yes, I'll... put that together in the morning."

"All right." Putting down the brush, Rowen began to smooth through her mistress's hair with her fingers, just as she did every night, her fingertips moving lightly across the other woman's scalp as she checked for any missed pins or clasps.

Maddy let out a sigh, closing her eyes and leaning back slightly against the other woman. "What makes a good marriage?" She asked then, opening her eyes to peer up at her maid.

Rowena blinked down at her, apparently lost for words for a moment. "I... really wouldn't know, my lady. Love, I suppose? Friendship?"

"Yes, but what -is- love? Is it just that - friendship?"

This question, at least, the other woman seemed to know the answer to, for she shook her head immediately. "No, my lady. Love and friendship are very different things. And you can have one without the other."

"But a marriage ought to have both." It was a half-question; Rowen could see the other woman furrow her brow.

"Many marriages have only one. Or sometimes neither."

"Oh."

"But they aren't good marriages."

"I think my mother and father are friends - at least, they're friendly to one another."

"I think his lordship and her ladyship are friends, yes. Though I shouldn't really comment."

"Even if I've asked you for your opinion?"

Rowen hesitated. "Even then I shouldn't," she said. At the look Maddy shot her in the mirror, Rowen sighed, her hands stilling, coming to rest gently on the lady's shoulders, warm through the thin cotton of her nightdress. "I think that your parents are happy together. They are certainly friends. Whether they are in love isn't something I would know."

"Mm, I'm not sure even -I- know that," Maddy said, shaking her head. "I suppose I just... wonder. What it takes to be happy in a marriage. Whether love is really all that important, if you have friendship."

The other woman tipped her head a little, pulling her lower lip between her teeth. Eventually, she lifted her shoulders in a slight shrug. "Only you can decide that, I think, my lady."

"I'm not some silly girl," Maddy said then, though it seemed her words were only half-directed at the woman behind her. She looked at herself in the mirror, frowning slightly. "Well, maybe I am. After all, a more practical girl wouldn't be asking these questions. She wouldn't have made a fool of herself out of some silly quest to find 'love', whatever that is."

Rowen frowned at this, lifting her hands from the other woman's shoulders. "I didn't say that you were silly," she said now, sounding almost hurt.

Quickly Maddy turned, looking distressed. "Oh, no, I didn't mean... I know you didn't, I just... listen to myself and I don't see how you could think otherwise."

But this didn't seem to placate the other woman - at least, not entirely, for she was still looking down at Maddy intently. "It's not silly to want to feel love," she said, her brow still furrowed, her expression sincere. "Nobody should ever feel silly for wanting that. It's right and natural that you should, and if the world were a fair place you would never have to settle for anything else."

"Do you?" Maddy asked then, pursing her lips. "Want love, I mean? Do you ask yourself these questions?"

At this, a momentary flicker of what looked like pain moved across Rowen's face. "I've felt love," she said. "Or at least, the beginnings of it - something that I think would have become love."

"Why didn't you... why aren't you with him now, then?" Maddy wanted to know.

Rowen's face became an unreadable mask, then, whatever she was feeling or thinking beneath it hidden now from view - though not so well that Maddy didn't know that there was much going on beneath her words when she spoke. "There was too much in the way," she said.

The other woman seemed to realize she had perhaps gone too far and she frowned, reaching for Rowen's hand. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have... it wasn't my place to ask."

Looking down to their hands, Rowen shook her head. "We didn't... my heart wasn't broken," she said at last. "As I said, it was only the beginning of something. But my lady, things will always be difficult for me in that regard, that's my lot in life." She glanced back up to meet Maddy's eyes. "It doesn't have to be that way for you. You have to make your own choices."

"That's what I'm trying to do. But I feel as if I don't know all the options - as if I'm perhaps choosing a figment over reality. Maybe I just wasn't meant to love," she said pragmatically, though there was a hint of sadness to it.

Rowen didn't say anything in response to this, at first, her lips curling slightly into a wry smile. Eventually she shook her head. "My lady, I would lay money that that isn't true. Not at all. I'm quite sure you will love very deeply indeed, one day."

"How can you be so sure?"

The other woman hesitated, then crouched in front of Maddy's chair, reaching out so that she held her mistress's hand in both of hers, gazing up at her, expression sincere. "Because of your compassion," she said, "and your kindness. Your passion and your intelligence. And because of your beauty. There's no question in my mind that you could feel love, if you met someone who deserved it."

Unable to speak in the face of such eloquence, all Maddy could do was stare down at the other woman, aware of her burning cheeks and pounding heart and the closeness of the room around her. She found to her surprise she was blinking back tears and quickly lifted her free hand to press it to her eyes.

"Oh, no, no, don't cry..." If Rowena's countenance was controlled before, it was broken now as she pushed herself up a little, releasing Maddy's hand and reaching for the other. "Please, I wasn't trying to upset you, I-"

She was stopped from speaking further as Maddy leaned in to kiss her, grasping her hand almost painfully tight as if she was afraid the other woman might vanish away in a heartbeat. At first, Rowen's response was immediate, instinctive, her lips parting against Maddy's, a tiny sound escaping her throat. It couldn't have been more than a few seconds later however that she pushed back against her, pulling away with a gasp as she straightened to her feet. She stood there for a long moment, staring silently down at the woman in the chair, her eyes wide and dark, her breath coming in short pants. She began to shake her head, slowly, almost disbelievingly.

The blonde woman looked up at her dazedly, as if she had just woken from a dream and wasn't sure where she was. "Rowen?" She asked, her voice very small.

"What did you hear?" the other woman asked now, unheeding or uncaring of Maddy's confusion. "Did someone say something about me?"

"What? I don't understand..."

Rowen's shoulders slumped, and she brought a hands to her own face, now, pressing them to her cheeks which even in this dim light seemed darker than usual. She shut her eyes tightly for a moment. "Please," she said quietly, her voice low, a little hoarse. "Please my lady, don't to that again."

"I... I'm sorry, I never should have," Maddy gulped, her stomach twisting itself into eleborate knots. What line had she just crossed? What had she done?

"No, it's fine, it's my fault." Rowen covered her eyes with her fingers, pressing tightly against them for a moment. Then, with a slightly ragged sigh, she dropped her hands back by her sides. "I've warmed your bed," she said eventually. "Is there anything you'd like prepared for the morning?" she asked. Her voice was quiet, now, almost apologetic in tone. She didn't spot with Maddy's intelligence - or patience - by trying to sound formal and distant - the moment wouldn't have allowed it. But it was far removed from the intensity of her words a few moments before.

"...no." Maddy could tell when she was being brushed off, even if it was being done politely. She swallowed back the sour taste that rose in her mouth. "Thank you."

"Then with your permission I'll take my leave, my lady."

"You may go."

As soon as Rowen had shut the door behind her Maddy doubled over, giving a silent sob. The kiss they had shared had been intense, passionate, full of emotion and longing - everything her kiss with Jeremy was not. And now, just as she had gotten a taste of what it could be like - what _love_ could be like - it was ripped away forever.

Her pragmatic instinct fought against the conviction - that sensible voice said that it was the situation - intense, forbidden in so many different ways, fuelled by heartfelt, probing conversations, by loneliness and the late hour. But however she tried to console herself there was part of her that simply would not believe that that kiss - and the feelings she'd felt growing inside herself since the moment she'd laid eyes on Rowena Edwards - were anything but real.

 

"Madeline? Madeline! Are you quite all right?"

Maddy snapped back to attention, her mother's question only gradually sinking in past the general haze that was her state of mind. There was the almost overwhelming urge to claim illness and slink back to her bedroom and hide beneath her sheets for the rest of the day, but she knew if she did that her mother would rescind her permission to visit the hospital on Christmas Day. Summoning a wan smile, Maddy nodded. "I'm sorry, Mama, my mind was elsewhere."

"Daydreaming about her fiancé no doubt," Sophie piped up snidely from her place at the piano.

Maddy shot her sister a daggered glare but said nothing, afraid her voice or her words might betray her.

"Let's not get too hasty, hm?" came a voice from the door as Jeremy entered, looking his usual dapper self, swooping by Maddy to kiss her on the cheek before moving over to a chair. Maddy couldn't quite meet the young man's eyes, though she was glad of his arrival as it took attention away from her.

"Of course, Jeremy, nothing is official yet, but... what harm could there be in announcing such happy news?" Lady Marion wanted to know.

"Now, auntie, you know how I get when you rush me," Jeremy said with a winning smile in her direction. "Oh, is that tea still hot?"

"Mm, yes, I believe so..." Lady Marion regarded him with narrowed eyes for a moment, but soon enough turned back to Maddy and her sister. "Now, let's hear that song again, shall we?"

 

"You look like you've lost a shilling and found sixpence."

Rowena glanced up quickly, a guilty look flashing across her face, though she relaxed when she realised she was alone save for the man who'd just entered.

"Afternoon, Charlie," she murmured, going back to her task of polishing the Christmas candelabras. "Lunch is in the pot on the stove. You can eat in here if you don't mind the smell of Brasso."

"Oh believe me, I've smelled worse," he replied, making his way over to the stove and ladling out a portion for himself. "Have you eaten yet?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You still have to eat, don't you? Take a break, join me."

Rowen, glanced up, obviously about to refuse, but after a moment's hesitation she seemed to think better of it, and gave a single, slight nod for the chauffeur to ladle the stew into a second bowl for her. He smiled and obliged, setting down a bowl in front of her a moment later before taking a seat on the bench opposite her.

"You must all be run off your feet about now," he commented then. "Always seemed funny to me, putting everybody in such a state for a holiday that's supposed to be about spending time with your family, when it comes down to it."

"We're doing all right," Rowen said, reaching for her spoon. "Mrs Gorey runs a tight ship. We're busy, but not panicked."

"Fair enough. So it's not overwork that's got you looking so down - so what is it?"

The maid glanced up quickly, then back to her plate, shaking her head. "Nothing I would want to bother anyone else with."

"Ah, well, lucky for you I'm not just anybody else."

"Charlie, I mean no offence but I really can't talk about it."

The young man raised his eyebrows, though his overall expression was mild as he spooned up a mouthful of stew. "Well, suit yourself, but I've found keeping problems to yourself just makes you feel more rotten, in the end. And I'd hate to think of you feeling rotten."

"You're a kind man."

"We need all the kindness we can get, in times like these."

Rowen sighed, taking a sip of her soup before speaking again. "I'm just... there was a bit of a misunderstanding with someone. A... friend. And it's made me a little glum, I suppose."

"Ah," Charlie said, nodding. "Something that will pass with time, you think?"

"Perhaps." Rowen frowned then, and looked up. "Yes," she said, as much to herself as to Charlie. "Yes, it will pass," she said determinedly. "Just... not as fast as I might like."

"These things never do, do they?"

"No. They never do."

Charlie gave her a sympathetic smile. "Well, in the meantime, try not to let it get you down. Sometimes pretending things are fine can contribute to feeling better about them - I know that's what I did when I did my leg in, and it helped a bit."

Rowen nodded a little. "Can I ask... what did happen? With your leg, I mean?"

"It was an accident, on my family's farm," Charlie replied, looking unbothered by the question. "I was younger and a bit stupid, really... I was driving the combine through a fallow field and cut too close to an old stump and the machine flipped, trapping me underneath. I managed to get out with help, but my leg was pretty badly mangled."

"I'm so sorry."

"Aye, well... things happen," he said with a pragmatic shrug. "Anyway, I wasn't much use on the farm after that, but I could still work with the machinery, so I bribed my way into practicing with an automobile, and eventually I got a job that way. So it worked out, in the end."

"And have you always worked here, at Woodhall?"

"No, I've only been here three years or so - before that I was over at Fawley Court."

The other woman nodded, looking a little distracted - she obviously wanted to engage with the man who was taking the time to talk to her, but her thoughts were far away. Charlie seemed to recognize this and fell silent, concentrating on his stew, and they ate for some time in more or less companionable silence.

Rowen had finished eating her stew and was just going back to her polishing when she heard the entrance of another figure, and looked up to see that the housekeeper had entered.

"Well. It seems some good sense has prevailed at last," she stated briskly. "You're no longer needed to accompany Lady Madeline on Christmas Day, Rowena, so we'll have your help all day."

Rowena's face remained impassive even as she felt as though another wall in her heart caved in. "Very good, Mrs Gorey."

"Is she not going, after she had her heart so set on it?" Charlie wanted to know.

The question earned him a disapproving look from the housekeeper, but she answered all the same. "Lord Cardew will be taking her in his motorcar - hopefully that means she'll be back that much quicker as well."

"I... very good, Mrs Gorey," Rowen said, looking now back to her polishing with an intent expression.

The housekeeper nodded and after fussing with a few odds and ends in the kitchen hurried off to her next task, leaving Rowen and Charlie alone.

"It was Lady Madeline, wasn't it?"

"What?" Rowen's reply was innocent enough, but a little too quick, and a little too high-pitched.

"The friend with the misunderstanding," Charlie said, tipping his head curiously to one side.

"What would give you that idea?"

"I saw your face when Mrs Gorey was talking. Like you were trying not to show a thing you were thinking."

"Charlie, the lady Madeline is my mistress, not my friend."

"Aye, I know her position. That doesn't mean you can't count her as a friend - I've known it to happen before."

"Well. I like to keep the two distinct."

Apparently sensing he would get no more from her, Charlie shrugged and pushed himself up, collecting their two bowls and limping to put them with the rest of the dishes. "I hope things with you and your friend work out soon ."

"There's no- Thanks, Charlie. I'll see you soon."

"Aye, I'm sure you will. Goodbye, Rowena."

 

The day passed, and then the evening, and Maddy was torn between two worlds that yesterday had been so delightful to her, and today somehow had both been ruined. It wasn't that she didn't still enjoy Jeremy's company - he was as charming, as intelligent, as good natured as ever, but somehow the memory of their kiss the previous night hung over every interaction, leaving her hollow.

And as for the other world, and the other kiss...

There was no way to avoid Rowen - as her lady's maid she was the member of the staff that Maddy saw the most of, and the request an abrupt change would seem strange and require explanations. It did lead to the nearly impossible situation of standing while the other woman laced her corset in silence, fingers brushing over her skin and leaving Maddy to fight against the shivers that followed.

Rowen had made no reference to the previous night, and Maddy could even tell that her maid was making a genuine effort to be as natural and friendly as possible - she hadn't closed off or become as formal as she could have, but had tried to retain some measure of their old familiarity and comfort. If anything, it only made it harder.

She realized now that what she had done was beyond the pale, but even her guilt at her actions couldn't banish her yearning for another kiss. Somehow she managed to make it into her evening gown without betraying how she felt, though she could see how pale her cheeks were as she sat down at her vanity to allow the maid to dress her hair.

Usually, they'd be talking, now, she realised - making conversation about books or current affairs, sharing secret little smiles in the mirror. It hadn't seemed like anything, at the time, but she began to realise now that it had all meant something, it had all contributed toward the connection she'd felt to the other woman, a simple intimacy that at the time had seemed entirely innocent. Was it? Had Maddy been flirting all this time without ever realising what she was doing?

The thought made her blush, and color bloomed on her cheeks in the light from the lamp on the desk. Desperately she tried not to betray herself further as Rowen began to smooth her hair into a neat updo.

If the other woman noticed this, she didn't react, merely finishing the task at hand before stepping back, shooting Maddy a slight smile in the mirror - the first time she'd looked at her since she began her work.

"Well, m'lady, I suppose I shall see you at bedtime," she said, still in that friendly tone that was at once sincere and yet clearly requiring of so much effort to maintain.

"Yes, of course. Thank you," Maddy said, unable to summon quite so convincing a tone. She swallowed and looked away, fussing with her necklace for a moment.

"Can I help?" Rowen asked. That was different too - her asking. She never used to ask before doing those little things - fixing the catch of a necklace, tidying Maddy's hair, pulling a loose thread from her dress, helping her on with her second glove. She would just do it. Today, every time, she asked.

Maddy nodded dumbly and watched in the mirror as the other woman stepped closer, deftly untangling the small snag in the chain of her locket. Rowen looked as breathtaking as ever, in in the drab and dowdy sevant's uniform, and Maddy felt her heart ache as she thought of never sharing those quiet, intimate moments with her ever again.

Rowen stepped back again immediately when she finished and Maddy thought for a moment that she heard the other woman give a tiny sigh. "Well. I think you're done," she murmured.

"Thank you, Edwards." Without waiting to see the other woman's expression Maddy stood and made for the door, determined that if Rowen had moved on, then she would too.

 

The evening went very like the one before it, barring the obligatory addition of Christmas crackers. There was lively conversation and debate in which Maddy at least tried to participate, and soon after the Lord and Lady Moncrieff repaired to their own drawing room and left Jeremy with their daughters, Sophie staying up as late as she could bear but eventually being taken by her usual tiredness long before Maddy or Jeremy were ready to retire.

It wasn't until the 'happy couple' were alone with their glasses of whisky and wine respectively that Jeremy's face took on a sombre edge, and he turned to look properly at his second cousin.

"D'you want to tell me what's up?"

Maddy blinked; she had no idea that Jeremy had seen through her facade, as none of the rest of her family had seemed to the whole evening. If Henry had been home, but then he was not...

The thought plunging her into an even deeper melancholy, Maddy didn't even try to smile, merely sighing and shaking her head. "Nothing."

"Come off it, Maddy, you're as miserable as I've ever seen you. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, it's..." Was it anything to do with Jeremy? Perhaps not directly, but indirectly... She sighed again. "It's nothing you've done, I swear."

"Then what? Is it Henry? I wondered, only, you'd seemed so all right before today, and..." Jeremy trailed off, looking expectant, as though waiting for Maddy to interrupt him.

"I do miss him," she agreed, hoping that he would take this excuse and press no further. "And I worry. We haven't heard anything in weeks... no one seems to know where he is."

"Mm." Jeremy tipped his head to one side, waiting.

Maddy bit her lip, swirling the wine in her glass round and round while she considered what else she could say. Eventually she settled on, "I'm sorry about my behavior last night. I should not have acted so forwardly."

"I'm just sorry that your heart wasn't in it. Or mine." As Maddy looked up quickly, Jeremy shot her a wry smile. "I've been kissed with passion before," he said. "I know what it feels like."

"Oh." This didn't do much to make Maddy feel better, though a small part of her was relieved that Jeremy wasn't upset at her behavior - she didn't know what she would have done if he had been. "What does that mean... for us?"

The young man shrugged. "What do you want it to mean? Has anything actually changed?"

"No," Maddy said cautiously. "Only..."

Jeremy raised his eyebrows for her to go on, lifting his whisky glass to his lips.

"I'd like to make our engagement official."

Her cousin blinked. "Excuse me?"

"There's really no point not to - it's only an engagement, after all. And if we did marry, you ought to know that I wouldn't require... love from you, or passion. In fact, you would be welcome to seek them elsewhere, as long as you were discrete." The words came out in a rush, almost before Maddy knew she was thinking them.

Jeremy's mouth dropped open a little at this - clearly he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Maddy, that's..." He sighed, turning away a little suddenly, knocking back the rest of his whisky and placing the glass down on the side table just a little too hard. Leaning forward he lifted his hand to run it briefly over his face, as though the whisky - or Maddy's words - had removed all the feeling from it. "Well," he murmured - his voice low, a little hoarse. "That shines a light on things, I suppose. Cuts right to the heart. God, I feel like such a scoundrel, now, for ever suggesting it."

"You should not. My marriage... your marriage is never going to be about love, is it? So why pretend otherwise between us?" Maddy was shaking slightly, though she wasn't sure if it was out of nerves or something else. "We are still good friends, are we not?"

"Of course, but..." Jeremy finally looked back to Maddy, shaking his head, his expression pained. "Maddy, please, of course we're friends - dear friends and as your friend I could never do this to you. My life is always going to be about lies and masks but I can't drag you into that - I can't ruin any chance you might have at falling in love, finding a man you could be properly happy with."

"There's no chance of that," Maddy said flatly. "Perhaps you could put off your parents for years yet, but I cannot. Especially if..." She trailed off, then shook her head and looked back to Jeremy. "And I would rather marry a friend than a stranger with whom I have nothing in common."

"Maddy, I don't understand."

"What is there to understand? This was your plan, Jeremy."

"I know, but I never expected that we'd have to go through with it!" he said, standing now and beginning to pace a little. "I just thought... I don't know, I thought we could both get the family off our backs for a bit, and then you'd find someone proper to marry and I'd just, I don't know, go on as I always have."

Maddy felt herself begin to well up and blinked rapidly, clutching her wineglass. "Am I really such a bad prospect? Is the idea of even a sham marriage to me so hard to stomach?"

"No - no! I just... damnit, Maddy, what the hell happened?" Jeremy said, turning toward her, looking almost angry. "Where did this come from, this defeatist... why on earth shouldn't you find love? You're only twenty, you're smart, witty, beautiful, rich - why the hell would you give up now?"

She couldn't tell him the real reason - that the only love she had ever felt was one that was forbidden on every level - and so she gave him a half-truth. "Henry might be dead," she said, her voice shaking. "And if he is, you're the heir. I don't want to leave Woodhall, Jeremy. I love it here."

Jeremy's expression relaxed a little at this - he still looked somewhat confused but this, at least, seemed like some sort of explanation. Coming to a halt by this chair and sitting back down he leaned across the gap between them, reaching for Maddy's hands, gently disengaging the wine glass and setting it aside before taking her hands in his own. "Madeline, I will never, ever turn you out of this house. And if Henry - God forbid, if Henry dies, I will marry you in a heartbeat if that's what it takes for you to feel as though you can stay. But I will not condemn you to a loveless marriage with a husband you don't even expect to be faithful on the off-chance that the worst has happened."

It was all Maddy could do to nod tiredly; this wasn't the resolution she had hoped for, but at least Jeremy seemed to understand her intentions towards their arrangement. "Very well," she murmured, closing her eyes briefly. When she opened them her expression was clearer. "Thank you."

"But darling," he went on, then. "I wish I knew why you would think that there's no one out there you could love. Please don't think, just because of one rather uninspiring kiss from me, that that means you won't find love - that's ridiculous."

Rowena's words from the night before came back, unbidden, to Maddy's mind and it was all she could do not to flinch. "As I said before, Jeremy, it was nothing you did. So don't blame yourself for my situation," she said, squeezing his hands.

"I ask because I care about you, not because it has to be about me," Jeremy said gently.

"You have done a noble job of reassuring me, I promise."

The young man sighed, sitting back and releasing Maddy's hands. It was clear that he thought there was something on her mind that she wasn't saying, but he pushed no further.

"I hope to leave early tomorrow - you will still drive me?" the young woman asking, shifting in her seat then.

"Of course. Delighted to."

"Then we ought to get to bed."

Jeremy glanced over at the mantlepiece where the clock sat, and raised his eyebrows. "I suppose so."

Together they stood, leaving their glasses on the table, and made their way through to the hall. At the bottom of the steps Maddy paused, putting a light hand on Jeremy's forearm and leaning up to place a light kiss on his cheek. "Goodnight."

 

She had tried to mentally brace herself to see Rowen again all the way up the stairs. She stood outside the door for some time, listening to the quiet movements from inside that told her the room was being prepared, the bed warmed, nightclothes laid out, counting down in her mind to the moment when she would have to enter.

She still didn't feel ready when she finally gripped the handle and turned, only to open the door and see not Rowena but Mary in the process of neatening up her dresser.

"...Mary, what are you doing here?" she asked, still standing in the doorway. "Where's Edwards - is she ill?"

"Just a headache, m'lady, nothing serious," Mary said with a smile. "I'm nearly done - would you like me to sort your hair out?"

"Yes, fine..." In a distracted daze Maddy took a seat at the vanity, frowning to herself.

"I said I'd see to you tomorrow morning as well, m'lady," Mary went on now, beginning to dismantle Maddy's hair in a workmanlike fashion. "What time will you be rising?"

"Early, I suppose - seven o'clock."

"Very good, m'lady," the other woman said in an approving tone, "that gives me plenty of time before Lady Sophie wakes."

"Mm. Do you know which clothes I'll need? Ro- Edwards usually puts out my wool skirt and the rose-colored blouse..."

"She told me everything I need to know, I think," Mary said with a nod.

"Oh. Very well."

Brushing quickly through Maddy's hair, Mary stood back, now. "Is there anything else I can do for you, m'lady? I've warmed your bed just now, and there's fresh water by the bedside."

"No, that's fine. Thank you, Mary."

"Then I'll say good night, m'lady."

"Goodnight." As Mary left Maddy slipped into bed, smoothing the covers over herself and then reaching up to pull her hair back, away from her face. That her maid was avoiding her was obvious; Rowen had seemed fine before dinner, no sign of the mysterious headache that had kept her away that evening.

Was this a sign that Rowen didn't feel able to maintain the calm appearance and friendly manner she'd managed that day? And if it was, what did that mean? Would Rowen leave? Was she even now sitting in her little room writing her resignation letter?

Maddy didn't know what was worse, the thought of spending every day in the other woman's presence, knowing what had passed between them and yet unable to say anything, or the thought of her leaving. She rolled onto her side and pulled her knees towards her chest, cradling the empty feeling inside of her as she closed her eyes.

 

Christmas morning came with a fresh frost and a colder still turn to the weather. It was still dark when Maddy woke, and in spite of all her good intentions a part of her wanted to just turn over and go right back to sleep.

Still, as Mary bustled into the room to help her get ready she knew she couldn't hide all day. She forced herself out of bed and dutifully dressed with the maid's assistance, instructing her to eschew the normal elaborate hairstyles she made for Sophie in favor of something simple and quick.

She breakfasted alone; even her father had chosen to stay a little longer in bed that morning, it seemed. Still sipping her tea, she checked over the last of the packages - mostly handwritten cards to each invalid at the hospital that she had only finished the day before - and it was in the library that Jeremy found her, still scrubbing sleep from his eyes.

"I've got some rather bad news, Maddy," he announced, though he didn't look too upset by it himself. "It seems my motorcar has a flat tyre - I won't be able to take you this morning."

"What?" Maddy asked incredulously, by now fully awake and ready to leave. "What do you mean?"

"What?" Maddy asked incredulously, by now fully awake and ready to leave. "What do you mean? What about Papa's car, I'm sure he'll let you--"

"Afraid not. I've already had a word with your chauffeur and he said something about the engine having a fault... apparently he's taken the thing half apart trying to fix it. It's in no state to be driven." Watching Maddy's face fall he offered, "I'm sorry."

She shook her head, unable or unwilling to accept this setback after all her planning and preparation. "Don't be. I'm still going."

 

Rowen was awoken by a soft knock on her door - her claim of a headache had meant Mrs Gorey allowed her to sleep in, though she was still to be up in time to help with the lunch preparations. Mary peeked into the darkened room, looking apologetic. "Sorry to disturb you, I just had to ask - where is Lady Maddy's muffler? I've looked all over her room and I can't seem to find it anywhere."

"Her muffler?" Rowena pushed herself up in bed a little. "In the bottom drawer in the second wardrobe. Why does she need it?"

"She's decided to walk to the hospital," Mary replied disbelievingly, shaking her head. "I know her Ladyship will have a fit when she's heard she's gone - the least I can do is wrap her up warmly."

"But... Lord Cardew... the car..." In spite of her confusion Rowen was already getting out of bed, now, moving over to where here clothes were laid out.

"Both out of commission, would you believe it? Oh, what are you doing? I think I can find the muffler on my own, love."

"I'd better go. My head's not so bad, now, and Mrs Gorey can more easily miss me than she can put up with an angry Lady Moncrieff. She'll thank me when she hears."

"If you think that's best..."

"Could you get her muffler for her, and take your time? I'll be out in a few minutes."

Mary nodded and hurried off, leaving Rowen alone to dress.

 

Such it was that when Mary emerged into the main hall with Maddy's muffler she was also accompanied by a somewhat touseled looking Rowen, herself already dressed in outdoor clothes and ready to leave.

"There you are, Mary, I was beginning to think..." Maddy trailed off, frowning as she noticed the dark-haired woman by Mary's side. "Edwards? I thought you were ill. Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"Only a headache, my lady," Rowen said quietly. "I'm quite all right now. I heard you were to walk after all and felt her ladyship would prefer it if I accompanied you."

"Her Ladyship would prefer it if I didn't go at all, but that isn't going to happen. Very well, we'd best be off." It seemed Maddy was relying on briskness to get her past this uncomfortable interlude, and she gathered up the neatly-tied parcel of envelopes into her arms. "Mary, inform Mrs Gorey that we will return after lunch."

"Very good, m'lady."

 

It was beginning to get light as they left the Woodhall grounds, the first rays of watery sunlight casting long shadows and making the frosted ground twinkle as thought covered in scatterings of tiny crystals or shards of glass. Maddy marched briskly down the frozen path, wanting both to get out of the cold as soon as possible as well as minimize the time she would have to spend in Rowen's presence. For her own part, Rowen seemed to be keeping pace with her, albeit following on a foot or two behind. She was wearing the same charcoal grey coat and dark red scarf she'd had on when she'd attended her interview at Woodhall. Maddy assumed that she would presumably be wearing her own clothes beneath, since a maid's uniform was not generally worn outside the house.

Though the hospital was within walking distance it was not close, and Maddy was soon glad that she took daily walks herself, otherwise the trek would have been considerably harder. As it was, she was soon warm enough not to feel the bite of the cold as keenly and slowed her pace somewhat, looking around and trying to appreciate the frozen beauty around them.

Rowena reduced her own walking speed a little to match, though she was now side by side with Maddy, her gaze on the road before them, expression distant, cheeks pink from exertion.

The only sounds were the crunch of their footsteps on the frozen ground and the distant call of birds in the trees. It would have been a peaceful, almost serene setting if it wasn't for the roiling tension Maddy felt just below the surface, the almost overwhelming urge to turn and demand Rowen listen to her for just one moment.

But what would she say? Maddy had already apologised, and Rowen had made her own position clear that night. She had assumed that the 'headache' was a method of avoidance, or perhaps a way of punishing her somehow, but as she took in her appearance Rowen did look badly slept, circles under her eyes, some spring gone from her step, so perhaps that hadn't been a convenient lie after all.

Her anticipation at seeing the soldiers at the hospital had faded considerably; the entire experience seemed tainted, somehow, with the events of the past few days, but as the building finally hove in sight she attempted to rally her spirits, picking up her pace again and making purposefully for their destination.

"Lady Madeline! How good to see you!" The nurse that greeted them was smiling in genuine pleasure at Maddy's arrival; this in turn inspired an answering smile from the young woman and she found some of her worries, at least, slipping away as she shrugged off her coat and scarf and hung them by the door.

"Everyone's in the mess," the nurse said, leading them on through with a polite smile of greeting at Rowen. "They're all very excited to see you."

 

The men were very excited indeed. It turned out that they had been almost as busy as Madeline, preparing a Christmas pantomime that the more mobile among them performed while the rest hissed and cheered from their chairs and benches. Madeline was delighted, laughing and joining in the raucous applause at the end, glancing over in spite of herself to see that Rowen was doing the same, albeit she still looked a little more reserved than Maddy might have expected.

She didn't have much time to ponder this, however, as soon one of the officers, a young man named Stephen, grabbed Maddy's hand and pulled her up in front of the room. "Please, lady, won't you favor us with a song?"

Caught on the spot, Maddy blushed and shook her head emphatically. "No, no, I couldn't - I don't have anything prepared."

"Oh, that's fine," one young man piped up from the audience. "I can play [whatever] - the one you sang at the Winter Concert. You remember that one, don't you?"

"Yes, but-"

"Well then, as long as you don't mind me being a bit rocky on the old sustain pedal," the soldier said, grabbing his crutch and making his way across to offer Maddy his free hand with surprising grace given his missing right leg. She had no choice but to grin and accept it, and so it was that she found herself stood in front of the crowd, once again listening to the opening chords of [song] and preparing to sing.

[quote probably]

She tried not to look at Rowen. She was quite determined as she started to sing that she wouldn't, and for most of the song, she managed. But when it came to the lyrics about [something moving/love-y] she couldn't help it - her eyes slid in the other woman's direction of their own accord. When she did, she nearly broke off mid note. Rowen was watching her intently, enraptured almost, leaning forward a little in her seat. Her eyes were bright, her lips slightly parted, and as Maddy met her gaze she looked down to her hands, which were bunched into fists where they sat in her lap. It looked for all the world as though she was trying not to cry.

Maddy's voice faltered, and she hurried through the rest of song without hearing the music at all, suddenly desperate to be away from the eager eyes of the soldiers. They all applauded despite the mistakes at the end, and she excused herself as quickly as she could and hurried from the hall to a nearby toilet to splash her face with water.

"Are you quite all right, Lady Madeline?" came a voice from behind her - it seemed that Jenny, the nurse on main duty that day, had followed on behind her. "You seemed a little... are you feeling unwell?"

"Yes... I mean no, I'm not unwell, I'm fine," Maddy said quietly, patting her face with a towel and resisting the urge to bury her face in it. "I just felt a bit... warm, that's all."

"All right. Er... we're almost ready for lunch. Will you be staying, or..."

"Only long enough to distribute the parcels and speak to the boys, I'm afraid. I must get back to Woodhall."

"Oh, that's a shame... well," Jenny said, brightening up again quickly. "At least you were able to come out - which is far more than anyone could have hoped for. I don't know what we did without you, Lady Madeline, truly."

"All I do is provide a bit of a change of scenery - you do all the important work," Maddy said with a shake of her head. "They are lucky to have all of you."

"Believe me, the change of scenery is important," Jenny said. "Anyway, I'd better not keep you. I'll just go and finish preparing lunch."

Maddy nodded, watching the other woman depart and then drawing a deep breath, fortifying herself to face the crowd - and Rowen - again. When she re-entered the hall she found that Rowen herself was otherwise engaged, now, surrounded by a small huddle of attentive young men, all of whom seemed to be thoroughly charmed by her even in this, one of her more pensive moods, each trying to outdo the other in their bids for her attention.

While she should have been relieved, she only found this hurt more, and so it was with a slight frown that she began to distribute the parcels that had been delivered over the past few days, consisting mainly of packs of cards, cigarettes, and chocolate bars - the officers also received small bottles of whisky - and every soldier had hand-written note from Madeline, customized where she could.

Enamoured though they might be with the new face, the men were nevertheless delighted that Madeline was giving them such attention, and with their presents, and the mood by the time the two women took their leave and left the men to their lunch was positively merry.

 

The air was bitingly cold as they stepped outside from the well-insulated old building and Maddy began to shiver at once, watching her breath puff out in white clouds as they hurried down the drive. She was reassured by the reception at the hospital - clearly her presence had helped make the day a bit brighter for the men at the hospital, though she knew it was the attention and what she represented rather than she herself that had made the difference. Still, she was glad of it, and didn't regret coming, despite the personal discomfort it had caused.

Rowen clearly thought this too, and strongly enough that she broke the silence between them because she cleared her throat, then. "They really seem to love you there," she said.

Maddy glanced over, quickly, and then looked back to the path ahead. "I am fond of them as well."

"You... said you weren't much of a singer."

"Oh, I'm not, really..."

"You have a beautiful voice."

Maddy blinked. "Thank you."

They walked on in silence for some time, though Maddy could tell, partly from the sidelong glances that she couldn't help, that Rowen's mind was very full, her expression troubled. She didn't know if the other woman would talk to her - indeed, after their disastrous encounter the other night she assumed she wouldn't, especially as she seemed to have been avoiding her ever since. She couldn't stomach the silence any more, however, and eventually blurted "Please won't you tell me what's troubling you?"

The other woman glanced over at her quickly, then back to the ground in front of her. "Nothing you need be concerned with, my lady," she said quietly.

"But I -am- concerned. You haven't seemed at all yourself, and I fear... I -know- it's my fault."

"It's really all right, m'lady, there's no need for you t-"

"Rowen -please-. I cannot stand the thought that I have upset you." Maddy frowned, hands balled into fists within her muffler. "You must believe me when I say how sorry I am."

At this Rowen slowed her pace so that she could turn a little more toward the other woman, her expression still rather wounded. "I... though it was 'Edwards' now," she said, in a tone that made only a token attempt to hide its tinge of regret.

Maddy's frown deepened and she shook her head. "I misread you. I know now you were only trying to be friendly but proper, but after what happened... I thought you were pulling away. I was upset, and I'm sorry. If it makes any difference, it was a rebuke meant more for myself than for you."

The two women had come to a stop now, and Rowen turned to face her mistress, favouring her with a small but sincere smile. "My lady, I wish I knew how we should act now, but I don't. I... liked the way things were with us. But it's... complicated now, I suppose."

"Because of what I did," Maddy said, a wince of pain crossing her face. "I'm sorry, I..." She was about to say that she would have given anything not to have done it, but was that true? It would have saved her heartache, and perhaps it would have let her go along deluding herself forever. She wasn't sure, though, if that was a good thing. "I wish we could be friends again," she said simply, sighing.

Rowena's eyes searched her face, though what she was looking for, or whether she found it, Maddy wasn't sure. Eventually, though, she nodded. "I'd like that too," she said. "Very much."

"Then perhaps we could try again?" Maddy ventured hopefully, her heart leaping in her chest.

Rowen nodded readily at this. "We could," she said.

Maddy grinned, the tension she had been trying to ignore flooding away and leaving only a small, questioning feeling of need in its place. "Thank you."

The other woman smiled back, though there still seemed to be a strange little hint of sadness in her eyes. She reached her hand out, though, and as Maddy took it she gave it a brief squeeze that sent a little tingle up the blonde woman's arm even through their winter gloves.

Maddy wanted to laugh, to jump for joy, to sing out loud, but she held back, merely holding on to Rowen's fingers a moment longer before letting go. "Come, we must get back or we will both be in trouble."

Rowena's expression said that she didn't care, but she nodded, and turning with Maddy to head back toward Woodhall.

"Madeline, do you realize what time it is? And look at the state of you, li-"

"Merry Christmas, Mama," Maddy said, grinning and leaning to give her mother a peck on the cheek. "Have you had a nice morning?"

"Well, you're in better spirits, at least, I suppose," her mother said, completely neglecting to answer the other woman's polite enquiry. "You haven't eaten out at that place, have you? We've held lunch..."

"Oh, you didn't have to do that for me..." At her mother's look Maddy held up her hands, already heading for the door. "But alright, I'll go change, I'll only be a minute."

Rowen must have almost had to run to make it, but somehow she was already out of her outdoor clothing and in Maddy's room when the other woman arrived, making things ready - though she was still wearing her 'normal' clothing; a rather pretty dark green dress that was stylish without being immodest, and must have been bought before she was on her current salary.

Maddy realized she was staring after a long moment and tore her eyes away, sitting to unlace her boots. For once, Rowen didn't isist upon doing it for her, presumably because she was busy pulling out the correct clothes and accessories for Maddy to wear to lunch.

"Thank you," the blonde woman murmured as she stood and Rowen began to help her remove her more practical clothes. Glancing over at her wardrobe she realized that the dress the maid had chosen for her was one of her favorites - a plain blue gown with intricate scrolling needlework around the neck and hemline. It made her smile, and Rowena noticed, a small smile settling over her own features, though she said nothing, only helping the other woman with the rather finicky fastening of her skirt.

Maddy stepped out the the skirt and into the gown soon enough, holding still long enough for Rowen to fasten it before taking a seat once again at the vanity. "If you can just tidy my hair that will be enough - no need to take it down only to put it up again."

"Well, I'll need to redo it a little," Rowena said, "but I'll be as fast as I can." She put the skirt aside and moved to stand behind her, taking a long look at her hair before removing a couple of strategically placed pins, and beginning to tidy it up. "Shame really," she said, almost tentatively, "it's so nice all wild and flyaway. Particularly with your rosy cheeks from the cold."

"Mama would faint if I came to the table like that," Maddy said with an answering smirk, though inside she was squirming at the other woman's words. Why was it that each compliment that fell from Rowen's lips seemed to mean that much more than those from anybody else?

The other woman just shot Maddy an amused look in the mirror before going back to her work, smoothing and pinning the other woman's hair into a neater shape before clasping it up again the way it had been before. "There. There are too many pins in there now, though," she went on. "I'll need to do it again before dinner, if that's all right?"

"I'll come up early," Maddy said with a nod.

"Then you're all done for now," Rowen said, running her hands one last time across the other woman's hair before stepping back.

"Thank you," the blonde woman said, standing. She hesitated a moment and then stepped forward, taking Rowen's hand. "And thank you for forgiving me, and giving me another chance. It means a great deal."

Rowen's fingers wove through Maddy's, curling, holding her tighly just for a moment. "It's a second chance for me, too," she said with that slight smile.

Unsure what that meant and unwilling to push her luck by asking Maddy merely smiled and slowly detached her hand before stepping away. "I suppose I will see you before dinner, then."

"I'm going to be serving at lunch, actually," Rowen said with a slight smile. "So you'll see me in a few minutes, probably."

"Oh! That will be..." Strange? "Nice."

 

"So how were your soldiers?" Jeremy asked, spearing a piece of potato on his fork and eating it before continuing with a slightly more playful, "Should I be jealous?"

"They were all very merry," Maddy said with a small smile. "It was good to see them so."

"Glad to hear it, oh, thank you," he said, glancing up to the side as his glass was topped up. Rowen returned his smile, though her eyes soon flickered back to Maddy in spite of herself.

The blonde felt her cheeks grow pink and ducked her head, poking at the food on her plate. "Will your car be fixed soon? I was hoping you might take me for a drive sometime soon."

"Lord, I don't know - probably not 'til the day after tomorrow, at least - but I promise I'll whisk you off for a run before I leave."

"Mm, alright."

"Oh, now, don't sulk, darling, you're much less pretty when you sulk," Jeremy teased, shooting Maddy a playful grin.

She looked up quickly, eyebrows raised in surprise, catching the look of approval on her mother's face as well as the scowl on Sophie's. "Oh, I, er... suppose you'll just have to keep to your promise, then," she said, trying to keep her voice light.

"I always keep my promises."

"Well then. I look forward to our drive." Maddy didn't look toward Rowen during this interchange - she didn't have to. Somehow she knew the other woman was looking at her.

She dropped her eyes back to her plate, wondering if she looked as guilty as she felt. Why did she feel bad for keeping up her charade with Jeremy still? No one was hurt by it, and it made her life as well as his that much easier.

"Speaking of promises," Jeremy said now, pulling Maddy's attention away from her thoughts. "I believe you and Sophie promised me an afternoon of whist - you plan to honour that promise, I hope? After we open our gifts, of course."

"Mm? Oh yes, of course."

"Jolly good!"

After lunch they adjourned to one of the sitting rooms, where all five exchanged presents in front of one of the wide picture windows bracketing the frost-covered lawn. Maddy was well-pleased with her gifts, mainly books, and though she had thrown most of her effort into preparing for the hospital's Christmas she had managed to find small, personal items for everyone else as well.

Rowen was gone, now, but she didn't seem any less present for Maddy for her absence from the room. Even as she watched the others opening their presents, exchanging thanks, chattering and bickering away she couldn't help a part of her mind following Rowen on an imaginary path - was she working in the kitchen, perhaps, or changing and making the beds, or cleaning in one of the other rooms?

Still, just knowing that she would see her again in a short period of time, and that their meeting would be as friends, it was enough to set Maddy's mind at rest and she was able to turn what attention she needed to the card game they settled into in front of the fire.

 

Rowen was on this occasion in the kitchen, in point of fact, providing help to Mrs Fisk in making the preliminary preparations for that evening's dinner. She was no kitchen maid but was adept at following directions, and an extra pair of hands was sorely needed on a day like today. Around her other people bustled here and there, lifting heavy trays of food in and out of the ovens, whisking and chopping and kneading away.

It was as she was taking some peelings and innards out to the outside bin that went to the local pig farmer that she heard a familiar name.

"-remy Cardew? Never - oh, he might have decided for now but he'd never go through with it." The broad-accented male voice was coming from the side of the stable block, where the single remaining groomsman and Charlie the chauffeur liked to lean for a cigarette from time-to-time - apparently no matter how cold the weather. And indeed, it was Charlie's voice she heard immediately after, in the slightly broader, gruffer tones she'd heard him use when talking to the other male staff, where a certain amount of rough talk and bravado was necessary, particularly given that those boys left behind or not yet called-up tended to face more than their fair share of dirty looks and white feathers when out in public.

"-just rumour, isn't it?" Charlie was saying now. "I mean, to listen to talk you'd think pretty much every well-dressed young man in England's a fairy, these days - they used to say it about young Lord Fawley and he was giving it to one of the maids every other afternoon in the stables. A man can wear a fancy cravat and not be a pansy, can't he?"

"Hah, not this one," said the stable lad - Jim? John? Rowen rarely saw or spoke to him. "Gerry over at Hillford House caught him at it once, with some lawyer or doctor friend from Oxford or Cambridge or wherever he went - got fifty pounds to keep mum about it, too. They've been buggering for years, apparently - Cardew went to pieces when the other one was called up."

Charlie let out a low whistle, flicking the glowing end of his cigarette across the yard. "Hope that doesn't mean the Lady Madeline's in to get her heart broken - she deserves better'n that."

"Does she? All posh girls want is a rich man to buy them dresses. I'm sure she'd jump at the chance. I just don't think he'll give it to her."

Rowen made her way back to the kitchen in a daze, her mind buzzing with what she'd just heard. That, at least, explained the lack of fire in Cardew and Madeline's relationship - on his side, at any rate. Did he really intend to marry her and live a lie? Make her party to it? Condemn her to a loveless marriage? Suddenly Rowen was losing what little affection she had for Jeremy Cardew.

 

Maddy made her way upstairs promptly before dinner, having spent the previous few hours in front of the fire happpily playing whist and chatting with her cousin and sister. She smiled at Rowen as she entered the room, feeling for once content and full of Christmas cheer. "Here I am, as instructed," she announced gaily.

Rowen returned the smile, but a little weakly, and immediately Maddy felt a stab of worry. Was the other woman already regretting the reprisal of their friendship?

"I've laid out the green silk for tonight, my lady," Rowen said, gesturing toward the bed, and as Maddy approached it was as though the other woman could sense her worry, for when she reached Rowen and turned for her to unfasten her dress at the back of her neck she first felt a light, reassuring touch on her shoulders, the other woman resting her hands there briefly before she began, in just the way she used to before these past two days of awkwardness, misunderstanding, and physical discomfort.

Letting out a small sigh Maddy waited patiently for the fastenings to come loose before beginning to shimmy out of the dress, Rowen's gentle hands helping her to step out of it completely before laying it aside. "I hope you have not been too overworked this afternoon," the blonde commented then, turning slightly towards the maid with an expression of concern on her face.

"Mm? Oh... No, no, I've been helping Mrs Fisk," Rowen said, reaching to neaten Maddy's underdress, slipping her cool fingers beneath the straps to straighten them.

Suddenly distracted from further conversation, Maddy fought to at least keep her expression neutral. "I'm... glad, then."

 

Perhaps it was just that she noticed it more now. Or perhaps it was because of the awkwardness, the distance of the previous day. Or perhaps it was because it now seemed deliberate, thoughful in a way it hadn't before but for whatever reason, Maddy felt every touch from Rowen now acutely, as though every contact pulled a string connected right to her stomach and, she felt with a delicious kind of guilt, lower than that. Rowen's fingers brushing across the pare skin between her shoulderblades sent shivers down her spine. Rowen's breath against the back of her neck as she held Maddy's corset for fastening, sure hands at her waist, made her want to sink backward into an embrace. And as for the brush of Rowen's nimble fingers across the creamy skin of her thighs as she fastened her stockings...

All of her joy at counting Rowen as a friend once more fled in the face of these other feelings, overwhelmed by the the sheer strangeness of them. Years of perfecting her public face meant that Maddy thought she betrayed none of these inner feelings, though any finger at her pulse would have found it racing.

The act of having her hair unpinned and brushed through was once more one of tenderness, care - Rowen dismantled Mary's work and replaced it with her own in a manner that seemed to Maddy almost reverential. Perhaps it was entirely in her imagination but to her it felt like the return to a well-loved ritual. It felt like far longer than a day ago since she last felt the other woman's fingers tracing across her scalp as they combed through her hair. In many ways it felt like a whole different world.

With a sigh Maddy leaned back slightly, closing her eyes as the electric sensation from Rowen's touch ran down her spine. Perhaps she should not have been indulging in this, but after twenty years of dormancy it seemed her body was finally coming awake, and she couldn't bear to ignore it now.

Did she imagine the slight tremble to Rowen's fingers as she combed and pinned her hair up? Was it just the light that made the other woman's cheeks look a little darker than usual as she worked? Maddy felt sure that it must be her own fevered imaginings that the other woman's breath sounded a little faster, a little shallower than usual.

Eventually there was no more excuse; Rowen finished with her hair and stepped away slightly, and Maddy was forced to straighten her back, taking a deep breath before turning to face the other woman. "Thank you," she said unnecessarily, more to fill the silence than because she thought the other woman needed to hear her gratitude.

"I think that's you all ready," Rowen said. Her voice seemed a shade lower than usual, though her expression was relaxed.

"Mm, yes, I suppose so... oh!" Eyes widening, Maddy's hand flew to the desk draw beside her. "I almost forgot... as it's Christmas..."

"Oh, m'lady, you don't need to-" Rowen began as the young woman opened the drawer and drew out a package, but Maddy shook her head, standing and pressing the parcel into Rowen's hands.

"It's only a small thing, really. But it would mean a great deal to me if you would accept it."

"I... thank you," Rowen said now, dragging her eyes away from Maddy's to look at the parcel in her hands for a moment before carefully teasing it open to reveal a small, well-worn book that she soon recognized as one of Maddy's own favorite volumes.

"Oh, my lady, you can't give me this..."

"No, I'd... like for you to have it."

"But this is your own copy," Rowen said, her fingers tracing the edges of the book as she looked back at Maddy, shaking her head, her expression bemused.

"Well, I... might have spent most of my allowance on provisions for the hospital celebration," the younger woman said now, blushing. "But if you'd prefer a new copy I can ask Papa for an advance, or if you could wait until next month-"

"No, no, that's not what I meant, I just... won't you miss it?"

"Well. Unless you are planning to run away in the New Year I will still be able to borrow it, so..."

"Of course, I... yes, of course," Rowen said, stammering a little, now. "Thank you," she said again, now, looking back to the little volume. "I love Barrett Browning," she said - though of course Maddy already knew this.

"Good," Maddy said with a warm smile, glad that her gift seemed to be well-received. She had almost hesitated in giving it, given the rocky ground of the past few days, but something had told her that the gesture was more important now than ever.

Rowen bobbed her head, though in shyness rather than deference on this occasion. Then, rather unexpectedly she leaned forward and gave Maddy a quick, light kiss to the cheek. Blushing deeply, Maddy twisted her fingers together uncertainly.

"I suppose I ought to go down to dinner..."

Stepping back now, Rowen nodded her head again. "Very good, m'lady."

"I will see you after, though?" Maddy frowned slightly at the stupidity of the question - of course she would see Rowen before bed.

If Rowen thought the question was odd, she didn't betray it. "Yes, my lady."

"Mm. Good. Well..."

"I hope you enjoy your dinner."

With a nod Maddy gave a brief smile, then stepped around the other woman and made for the door. Her body still tingling, her mind still racing, she only hoped that that evening's dinner would distract her from what was quickly becoming an all-consuming preoccupation.

 

"Well, you seem a little happier this evening," Jeremy said, moving his Queen's Bishop's pawn forward before relaxing back into his usual chair by the fire, swirling his whisky glass absentmindedly as he observed the woman opposite.

"It has been a... good day," Maddy said thoughtfully, leaning forward to ponder the board between them.

"Would you like to tell me about it?"

Maddy's eyes flicked up briefly before she looked back down at the board, reaching out to move her own pawn out. "I believe you know most of it," she said lightly, "even if you weren't able to drive me."

"I must say I'm impressed with soldiers if Christmas morning in a hospital could put such fresh colour to your cheeks."

"There was also lunch, and our time together in the afternoon," Maddy pointed out. "And dinner was very good."

Jeremy gave her a long look. "All right." It was obvious that he didn't believe her.

"Have you enjoyed your day?"

The young man smiled, glancing back to the board and after a moment's though making another move before nodding. "It's been very nice," he said.

"Good, I am glad. Everybody seems to have enjoyed your company as well. It has kept us from dwelling so much on... those absent."

Jeremy's smile flickered a little at this, and he looked back toward the chessboard with a slight nod. Maddy made her move, and the two played in silence for a few minutes, content in front of the crackling fire.

"Oh, er, I managed to speak to Charles, incidentally," Jeremy piped up eventually, breaking the silence. "He seemed to think he'd be able to fix up my car by Sunday. So we could go for a drive after church, if you liked."

"Oh, very well," Maddy said, blinking. She hadn't expected Jeremy to remember or care; indeed, she had only spoke about a drive over lunch for lack of anything better to say. "Yes, we could do that."

"It would be nice to get away from Woodhall for a bit - it's less depressing than Hillford, of course, but still."

"Mm..."

"Don't you think?"

"I don't know. I quite like it here, but it is my home."

Jeremy snorted. "Oh, sorry," he said as Maddy looked up with a frown. "I just... the idea of loving your home... home is most certainly not where the heart is for some of us."

Maddy's expression grew a bit sad at this, and she shook her head. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Mm. Well. Check."

Frowning again, Maddy looked back down at the board; she wasn't that good a player, but this was a fast game, even for her. She couldn't deny that her wandering thoughts had not helped her game. "Will you be going back to Hillford from here? Or do you have other visits to make?"

Jeremy shrugged. "Think I'm going to go to London, actually, stay at the flat for a while. I'm going insane stuck in the country."

"Mm, that will be a nice change of pace I'm sure."

"Mm. Should be."

"Maybe I will come down to visit," Maddy commented, reaching for her castle. "When the weather is better. I could stay with Aunt Rose, perhaps."

"Or there are plenty of rooms at Belgrave Square if you brought a chaperone," Jeremy observed.

"Oh, perhaps..."

"I mean..." Something seemed to occur to Jeremy, "for a short visit, anyway," he said. "I've only my man and a single housekeeper there, so unless you brought your own maid I wouldn't want to stress them too heavily."

"Oh, well, of course I would bring Rowen," Maddy replied more eagerly. "I certainly wouldn't want to put you out."

"Well, I do tend to spend a lot of time in clubs when I'm in London," Jeremy said in an easy enough tone, "but it would be lovely if you wanted to come out for a while in any case."

"I'm sure I could amuse myself in a town that size, Jeremy," Maddy said with a smirk.

"Jolly good - and we'll still have plenty of time to wine and dine - I could introduce you to some people," Jeremy suggested, perking up a little. "You never know, widening your circle of friends might be very good for you - I know you've been out, but it's not quite the same in 'the season' doing all those parties and so on - there's no time to relax and just get to know people."

"Mm, well. Perhaps it will be fun," Maddy said, not sounding completely convinced but giving him a genuine enough smile.

At this, Jeremy reached for Maddy's hand. "Buck up, old chap," he said, with a sympathetic smile. Then, "I do wish I knew what was on your mind - I've never seen you so distracted. You're happy as Larry one minute and staring pensively into the fire the next. I don't suppose there's any way I can convince you to spill the beans?"

"I..." Could she trust Jeremy if she were to reveal even a hint of the inner turmoil she was experiencing? She remembered his speech from the night before - "Everybody lies, Maddy" - and decided she could not. She may yet marry him one day, but she would not divulge that secret, not to him or anyone. "I don't know," she said, shaking her head. "Perhaps it is all our talk of love and marriage - it suddenly seems much more pressing an issue than it did before."

"Maddy, I think you need to stop worrying about things that haven't happened yet," Jeremy said gently.

"I can't do that," Maddy replied honestly, shaking her head. "But I'm sorry I've bothered you by doing so."

Jeremy sighed. "Very well. Check."

 

A few minutes later Maddy allowed him to declare checkmate, her heart no longer in the game. It was in fact elsewhere, and it was for this reason that she excused herself and hurried upstairs, hoping she would not have to wait long for Rowen to arrive. As she entered her room she initially thought she was alone - there being none of the usual flurry of movement that went with a staffmember's presence. However on second look, she realised that Rowen was in fact already there, seated in the corner by the bed, her attention in the process of shifting from the small book in her grasp to the woman who'd gifted it to her.

She leaped up immediately. "I'm sorry, m'lady, I was just waiting, and-"

"You don't need to apologize," Maddy said, smiling widely. "I'm only sorry I interrupted you. Which one were you reading?"

The other woman smiled wryly. "A heavy heart, Beloved."

"Betwixt the stars and unaccomplished fate," Maddy quoted, her smile turning wistful. "Sometimes I wonder how it could be that someone who lived so long before me could know my thoughts so well."

Rowen made a face. "That's not the happiest poem to identify with," she said gently.

"Well, it's still beautiful," Maddy said, stepping a bit closer to the other woman.

It was surely a simply practical act on Rowen's part that she choose that moment to moisten her lower lip, but innocent though it might have been Maddy felt her heart quicken its pace and she had to glance away, blinking to regain her composure. "Would you help me with my dress, please?" She asked, her voice wavering slightly.

"Of... of course."

And so again Maddy found herself enduring the at once delicious and torturous ritual of being undressed by Rowena. The other woman's fingers were cool as they unfastened her dress and eased it slowly off her shoulders, drawing a shiver from Maddy that she could not suppress as much as she tried to. She felt Rowen's hand at her waist, steadying her as she stepped out of the puddled green silk, and it took all Maddy's self control not to let out a longing sigh.

Once the dress had been moved from the floor, Maddy felt movement in the air behind her told her that Rowen had knelt down, and a moment later she felt the nimble twist of her stocking being loosed from their suspenders at the back - the other woman's skin barely made contact with hers, but when it did she thought her knees might buckle beneath her, and at Rowen's request that she turn, Maddy complied so quickly that she almost lost balance, and Rowena quickly finished unfastening her stockings before straightened to her feet, her expression strangely preoccupied. "Your... corset, m'lady," she murmured hoarsely.

"Oh, um..." Maddy turned again, facing the bed as Rowen began to loosen the ties at the back of her corset. She was glad she was facing away, as there was no way to hide the spots of high color on her cheeks, though she pressed her hands to them to try.

At least the pleasurable sensation of the corset being removed was more one of relief than related to the other woman, and soon the clothes were out of the way and Rowen had moved onto other preparations for bed - warming the sheets, putting things away, leaving Maddy to gather herself together out of the way of her all too observant gaze.

As soon as she was able Maddy slid in between the sheets, as much to escape from Rowen's eyes as to escape the slight chill in the room. Rowen pottered about a little longer, straightening this, putting that away, before turning back toward the bed to look at Maddy. "If there's nothing else, m'lady..."

"Oh, I thought you could..."

Rowen raised her eyebrows, nodding for the other woman to go on.

"Stay for a bit? We haven't really... had much time to talk, recently."

The other woman glanced behind herself briefly, as though expecting to see Mrs Gorey right behind her, but then she looked back to Maddy, and nodded, smiling, and moving over to the seat by the bed. "All right," she said.

"Of course, you probably haven't had any time to yourself... if you want to go," Maddy said, frowning, "you should."

"No, no, I want to stay," Rowen said quickly.

Maddy smiled. "Well. Just for short time, maybe."

"All right. So... what would you like to talk about?"

"I, um... thank you for coming to the hospital with me this morning."

"I was glad to help."

"The men... seemed quite pleased you were there."

"They're good boys," Rowena said, smiling fondly.

"Mm, they are. The show that they put on was... quite imaginative," Maddy said with a chuckle.

"I particularly enjoyed the three-legged horse," the maid said, grinning now.

"And the old crone... I thought my head might split with that voice he was putting on..."

"And when they brought on the bed..." Rowen shook her head, eyes twinkling. "God, I thought they were going to..."

"I think it was only the presence of ladies in the room that averted that crisis," Maddy grinned.

"Shame, that would've been fun."

Maddy's eyes widened. "You... um..."

"What?" Rowen's lips twitched a little in her amusement. "Oh, have I offended you with my coarse manners, m'lady?" she said, her tone a little playful now.

"No! I mean, perhaps I am somewhat... surprised, but you could never be coarse."

"I think perhaps though that I might have seen different types of entertainment from you in the past."

"I suppose you might not have been as sheltered as me, it's true..."

The other woman shot her a patient, almost amused smile. "I think that's pretty fair to say."

"Well. Perhaps when we go to London you can show me some of the less savoury sights," Maddy said then, grinning.

The other woman's brow furrowed a little. "London?"

"Yes, Jeremy's invited us to visit - or rather, I invited myself. But it's been ages since I've been, and with Jeremy there it's the perfect excuse, really."

"I... see."

Maddy's grin faded as she took in the other woman's reaction. "If you would prefer not to go, I'm sure I could bring Mary instead..."

"No, no, it's not that, I'd love to go with you, I..." Rowen frowned. "I'm sorry, m'lady, I didn't mean to look sour. I just... suppose I don't quite understand the arrangement you have with Lord Cardew."

"What do you mean?"

"Just that. I don't understand it."

"Well," Maddy said, her mouth suddenly dry, "I suppose it may seem strange, to an outside perspective... you see, Jeremy is a very dear friend, and while we do not feel it is right at this time to declare anything... formal, we have let our families know that one day, we... intend to become affianced."

Rowen nodded, her face carefully blank. It was clear she had more to say on the matter, but knew that she shouldn't.

"Has Lord Cardew done something to offend you, Rowen? Has he mistreated you in some way?" Maddy asked, brow furrowed.

"What? Oh, no, I have no personal quarrel with him," Rowen said, in a tone that suggested that this wasn't entirely true.

Maddy pursed her lips, trying to imagine what problem the other woman might have with the young man and failing. "Well, then. I hope you will be able to enjoy his hospitality when we visit next month."

"Next month. Very good, m'lady."

Maddy fell silent then, unable to shake the feeling that she had said or done something wrong. Rowen hesitated, then cleared her throat, speaking again, her tone shifting back away from the formal one it had taken a moment before, as if she was trying to correct herself - as though perhaps she was dissatisfied with her own words.

"My lady," she said, "Do you... love him? Or, I mean, do you think you might come to love him?" She sounded almost scared, although of what Maddy couldn't quite fathom.

The blonde blinked; of all the questions for Rowen to ask, she had not been expecting this one. "I'm sorry, I don't... why do you ask?"

"The other night, when... You asked, what a good marriage needed."

"Yes, I remember."

"Whether it needed love, or only friendship."

"Yes."

Rowena shrugged. "That's why I ask," she said simply.

"I have heard that love can develop... that it need not be there at the start for it to exist at the end," Maddy said carefully, frowning.

"So you think that you will love him, then?" Rowena pressed, a slight note of urgency to her tone, now, in spite of her obvious intention to stay calm.

"How can I know that?" the other woman responded, her voice stretched thin. "How can I say? Jeremy is a good friend, as I have said. I do not love him now, and perhaps I never will. But I do not see why that changes anything, or why I should dwell on that fact overmuch."

"Because y-" Rowen broke herself off, clamping her mouth shut, looking a little away from Maddy and closing her eyes for a moment. Then she inhaled a long, slow breath, and released it again. "Very good, m'lady," she said at last. "I'm sorry - I didn't mean to pry."

-Yes, you did,- Maddy wanted to say, frowning to herself. -I just don't understand why.- "That's quite alright. I value your honesty, Rowen - it is one of the qualities I am most fond of."

Rowen's response to this was a slightly weak smile. "Thank you, m'lady."

"You know that if I did marry Lord Cardew that of course you would stay with me - I would not have you fear for your position."

Rowena blinked. "My position, I..." She looked almost dryly amused by this. "Thank you, m'lady."

Maddy found herself growing more and more exasperated - what -was- the other woman's objection, if she was not worried for herself? "I admit I do not know what else to say - I had thought that news of a trip to London might be met with more... excitement."

"I'm sorry, m'lady, I didn't mean to disappoint you."

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Maddy drew her legs up towards her chest. "It's fine. I admit my own enthusiasm is quickly waning. perhaps I will no go after all."

"I will be happy to accompany you whatever you decide, m'lady," Rowen said.

"Mm."

Rowen didn't seem to have much she could say beyond this. She smiled a little, tightly, but at the same time she reached a tentative hand out and rested it gently over Maddy's. The blonde girl pursed her lips, looking down at their hands with an unreadable expression on her face. She did not draw her hand away, however, and for what seemed a long time, Rowen seemed content to stay that way, her hand, cool at first, warming as it lay over Maddy's, her thumb smoothing gently back and forth across the other woman's skin.

Eventually Maddy stirred, seeming to come back to herself. "I think perhaps I ought to... it's quite late."

"Of course." With what certinly seemed like reluctance to Maddy, Rowen moved her hand away, straightening to her feet.

The other woman slid her feet out, pulling the blankets up until she was all but cocooned underneath them. "Goodnight, Rowen. Oh, and Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, my lady."

 

The next few days were difficult for Maddy for a few reasons - she had promised her mother she would stay home and spend time with her family and Jeremy, which meant that she wasn't able to go to the hospital at any point to escape her mother's pointed looks between her and Jeremy, or her sister's moods. She was also suffering delicious torture at Rowen's unknowing hands; though she had hoped that it would fade in time her body's reactions to the other woman's presence only seemed to become more finely honed.

Rowen couldn't possibly know the effect she was having, or she would not be so comfortable to help Maddy to dress and undress, morning and night, to do her hair and sit by her bed and talk as they now did each night before bed. Though how she hadn't noticed by this point, Maddy couldn't say, because it was becoming harder and harder to hide the way she felt.

She had even begun to resort to a method of release that she hadn't in years, not since she'd decided that it was obviously forbidden and, if not wrong, certainly frowned upon by people of propriety. However it was now not unusual that, after Rowen left her room, she would lie in the dark, eyes squeezed tightly shut, head filled with images of the other woman, the memories of her touch, as she found the only respite available to her at the ministrations of her own hands.

There was no denying, any more, what it was that she felt - she knew that now. What it meant was a rather more complicated question. She was too self-assured at heart to believe that there was something wrong with her, that she was somehow damaged or broken to feel this way. But even then there were so many questions left unanswered, and with so many barriers both real and figurative between them it didn't seem as though there would ever be an easy way to answer them.

These problems and the time she spent pondering them didn't contribute to a settled mind, and the normally calm and rational young woman found herself growing more and more short-tempered, unable to shrug off her sister's needling or her mother's prodding as easily as she once had. Even Jeremy caught the sharp edge of her tongue on one occasion; the only person who she seemed to be able to tolerate without snapping, perversely, was her maid.

This, Maddy knew, Rowen had noticed, but the other woman hadn't said anything, only making sure that her own attentions to her mistress were all the more gentle and patient.

A few days after Boxing Day Jeremy departed, though not before speaking to Maddy's mother and gaining her permission for the young woman to visit him once he had installed himself in London, a request Lady Marion was only too happy to grant. Maddy had been surprised he would still ask her to come after her behavior of the past few days, but in a private moment he shared with her the thought that perhaps some time away from Woodhall would help her spirits.

"It's as I said, Maddy darling," he had said. "People like you and me, we're not meant to be confined in the country all the time - sometimes what we need is a little less space and a little more stimulation."

Maddy certainly couldn't find it within herself to argue - any distraction would be welcome from the confusing thoughts swirling in her head - and she smiled tightly, nodding and promising to write to arrange a visit shortly.

 

"So I should hope we're going to have some good news on your return from town, dearest," Maddy's mother said in a tone that was at once fond and warning as they stood outside the house waiting for Charles with the car.

"That's not up to me, Mama," Maddy said, frowning slightly.

"Oh, come now, we women know how to help these things along..."

"I'm not forcing anything, Mama. If it's meant to be then..." Maddy trailed off, trying to look around the corner of the house for the car. "Where is Charlie?"

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be around presently..."

 

"I'm serious, Charlie, you swear you didn't tell anyone what John said?"

"Jim."

"Jim, fine," Rowen said. "But listen, it's important - if Lord Cardew and the Lady Madeline-"

"They'll never know we were speaking about them, Rowena - they never do."

"Yes, but don't you realise what it could mean for them if the information got out?"

"People talk, that's what they do," the chauffeur said with a shake of his head. "But I didn't talk to anyone else about it. I can't help it if someone else does."

"All right." Rowen frowned. "All right. I'd better get out front. She glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. "And so had you - oh, I've kept you, I'm sorry..."

He grinned and patted her forearm gently. "That's alright. I doubt the Lady Madeline will punish me too harshly."

"Her mother might. Come on, let's go."

 

"Well. Here we are." Maddy grinned, looking eagerly out the window as the scenery began to speed by. "I haven't been on a train in... oh, at least a year. It's exciting, isn't it?"

Rowen smiled across at her, then looked out at the view herself. taking in the countryside around them. "You didn't go to the city in summer?" she asked.

"No... Sophie wanted to, so I took my chance to visit some friends in the country while she and Mama were in the city."

"Who did you visit with?"

"Emily Allison and Gracie Fortune - we met at Gracie's family home for a few days."

"That sounds nice."

"Mm, it was very pleasant," Maddy said with a nod and a small smile.

"Are you not fond of London, then?"

"Oh, it's... interesting, in parts. It's just so large, and..."

"Busy?"

"Quite."

"I love London," Rowen said now. "But... well, I suppose it depends on your experiences."

Maddy turned back to the other woman now, lacing her fingers together and resting them on her knees. "What do you love about London?"

"There's always something to do," Rowen said. "Always somewhere you can go. And I have... friends there."

"Oh, you do?" Maddy asked, brightening. "Well, you shall certainly have time to seem them while you're there."

"Oh, I'm here to chaperone you, m'lady. I don't need time to myself."

"But you couldn't visit the city without seeing your friends there - I insist."

"I... well, thank you, my lady."

"Of course."

"Do you... have plans for your time in town?"

"Well," Maddy sighed, "Jeremy has promised to take me to some parties and introduce me around..."

"You've already been out in London, yes? You don't already have some friends there?"

"I have acquaintances, but I admit I've never made much effort at keeping up those particular relationships.... people based in London don't seem to have much time for letter-writing."

"Mm, well. It's not the country."

"So Jeremy keeps saying, with some glee."

Rowen's smile faltered a little at this, but she nodded nevertheless. "Still, there are no excuses for not replying to you, my lady."

"Oh, it's fine. I'm looking forward to going to see the sights, perhaps some of the museums that I didn't have the chance to see when I was last here."

"Did you make it to the British Museum?"

"Only very briefly... Mama had much more important things on her agenda than museums," Maddy said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, you were with your mother," Rowen said with a slight smile. "I see."

"But now I have all the freedom in the world, and I can stay as long as I like..."

"So I suppose we should find some things for you to do that your mother didn't have time for," Rowen said with a smile.

"Exactly!"

 

"Maddy! You made it!"

Maddy smiled, slightly tiredly, as she emerged from the automobile onto the cobbled street. "Here I am. I hope you haven't rescinded your invitation since I don't know if I could face that journey so soon again."

"Not at all - everything's ready for you, come in, come in," Jeremy said, swooping in for a quick kiss to Maddy's cheek.

Smiling, Maddy way her way inside the tall building, unbuttoning her coat as she stepped past the threshold and into the main hall.

"Well, here we are," Jeremy was saying now, smiling, hands clasped behind him in a mock formal stance as he followed the two women into the building. "Your home for as long as you'd like."

Maddy glanced around at the gleaming, polished wood of the entry hall, taking in the elaborate carvings and the plush rugs underfoot. Like Jeremy's own fashion it seemed slightly over the top, pushing the limits of good taste but with an undeniable charm all the same. "You are ever generous," she murmured, looking back at him with a smile. "Now, if you don't mind, I'll go freshen up and then you can regale me with your tales of London all night."

 

"So I thought we might go to the opera a few times - or perhaps the theatre," Jeremy commented as their dinner arrived before them. The affair was missing some of the pomp and circumstance of meals back at Woodhall but looked no less appetising for it. "I know you never got to do that much with Auntie Marion. The selection isn't as good as it was before the war, I'm afraid - dashed thing gets everywhere, touches everything. But there are still some options available to us."

"It all sounds lovely - I'm sure we'll make do."

"And of course there are the galleries and museums - although perhaps you'd best save those for the days I need to be along at the club - that is, unless you'd like me to show you round, but I thought you might value the solo exploration..."

"I would," Maddy said with a smile, drawing her spoon slowly through her soup. "I don't want to disrupt your social calendar, so don't worry about leaving me to my own devices."

"Oh, well, too late, I'm afraid, old chap," Jeremy said with a smirk. "I've already cleared some space - but don't worry, you'll still have plenty of time to yourself."

"I'm sure I will survive. So what is the first social engagement I have to look forward to, mm?"

"Ah, well. First things first, I've invited James and Daphne over for dinner on Thursday."

"Oh, are they still in town?"

"They were over for Christmas, and then when they heard you'd be here they extended their stay," Jeremy said with a warm smile.

"Well, that's nice." Maddy wasn't especially close with the siblings, but Daphne was a kind, pleasant girl, if a bit absent-minded. "And that's Thursday, you say?"

"Mm, so there's tonight and tomorrow to settle in in whatever way you'd like - I've nothing on so I'm all yours."

"Well then. Why don't you tell me what you've been up to since you arrived and we'll go from there?"

 

Maddy arrived back at the unfamiliar room a little before midnight, having spent the past few hours with Jeremy, listening to his ever-amusing tales of citylife in front of the fire. He seemed much more himself here, and had been endlessly entertaining while informing her about this scandal and that, stories against which Maddy protested but lapped up all the same.

As she arrived, she gave a start to see what initially looked like just another stretch of wall open up, revealing a tastefully hidden door and, on the other side, her maid. Seeing her expression, Rowen did a double take of her own, looking at first apologetic, then slightly amused. "Oh, I'm so sorry, my lady," she said. "I assumed you'd been told - the servants' quarters are all adjoining here, what with it all being one floor and the rooms being spares for visitors."

"Oh, no, Jeremy forgot to mention that," Maddy replied, her eyebrows still arched in surprise. "What an... interesting feature."

"I suppose it makes sense for young men travelling with their valets or women with their ladies' maids, where they aren't part of the regular staff, my lady."

"Yes, of course. Are your quarters... suitable? I'm sorry, I should have asked earlier..."

"Oh, they're quite lovely, my lady, thank you," Rowen said. "I hope that your dinner was agreeable?"

"Yes, it was quite nice. And Jeremy seems to be in good spirits," Maddy replied, taking a seat on a low stool. There was no antique vanity dresser for her to face so instead she looked out the window idly. "Which is reassuring. Perhaps..." Maddy glanced at the other woman in her reflection in the window, looking for some tell-tale sign of that look she sometimes got when Jeremy was mentioned, but on this occasion saw none, only an expectant expression.

"Well. I'm sure it will be a nice visit," she finished, a little lamely.

"I'm sure," Rowen said with a smile that could only be described as patient, standing and approaching to help Maddy ready herself for bed. Rowen hadn't expressed any opinion on Jeremy, positive or negative, since Christmas night. She was otherwise as attentive, as caring, as friendly as ever. Though it still bothered Maddy at times like these, it seemed on balance a good deal.

Maddy pushed aside her feelings of unease in favor of concentrating on the far more pleasurable - though tortuous - feelings that Rowen's nearness inspired in her. It was almost enjoyable, in a difficult to understand way. She didn't like keeping things from the other woman, nor did she like having to hide the shivers and sighs the maid's touch drew out of her, but there was something altogether delicious about the sensations she awoke each night, and morning, without fail.

Everything as usual tonight, though the mirror was not at the dresser but a single full length one hanging on the wall, which made things a little strange and different, and made Maddy suddenly very aware of how she held her legs when she sat, how her feet looked flattened on the ground, Rowen's own well-turned ankles as she moving around Maddy a little while she dismantled her hair.

Eventually Maddy tucked her feet beneath the hem of her nightgown, giving a small sigh.

"Are you all right, my lady?" Rowen murmured, the low volume of the words making them seem more intimate, somehow, than an innocent inquiry.

"Oh, I... yes, I'm fine," Maddy saidd, feeling the warmth creep up the back of her neck. "I was just... thinking about what Mama said about getting some new clotthes while I'm here. Something a bit more fashionable."

Rowen nodded. "When would you like to do that, my lady?" she asked.

"Oh, it doesn't matter..." Maddy trailed off, realizing of course that Rowen might want to know in order to make her own plans. "I mean, I suppose we ought to do it early on, in case there need to be alterations done."

"Very good, my lady."

"Say Friday, once I've had a chance to ask Daphne where she would recommend we go."

"The lady Graham is still in London, my lady?"

"Mm, she stayed a bit longer so that she and her brother could dine with Jeremy and me."

"Oh, I see - they must like you very much."

"Or perhaps they like Jeremy's hospitality," Maddy chuckled. "Either way, it will be good to see them."

"Yes, my lady. When is that, then? Dinner, that is."

"Thursday evening."

"The day after tomorrow." Rowen was checking for forgotten pins, now, as always, and as usual Maddy found herself leaning back a little against her, relaxing into the sensation of the other woman's touch across her scalp, tingling not just from that but from the release of the tension of having her hair up all day long.

"Mm... hmm," Maddy sighed, closing her. eyes and smiling a bit distractedly. "I think tomorrow Jeremy and I might go for a walk, but there isn't anything else planned for the moment."

"Very good, my lady."

Maddy couldn't help the tiny noise that slipped out of her throat as Rowen stepped back, giving Maddy's hair one last stroke before disengaging completely.

"Would you like me to stay a while tonight, my lady, or are you tired from travel?"

"No, please, stay," Maddy bid her, making her way to the bed. "I was hoping you might share with me some stories of when you were last in London."

"I, er..." Rowen pulled the stool over by the bed and took a seat in it, but seemed to hesitate. "I'm sure the London I've seen is mostly very different from the one you will see, my lady."

"Well, I'd hardly want to hear more stories like the ones Jeremy told," Maddy said with a small smile.

"Well..." Rowen looked genuinely hesitant, now, surveying Maddy as though she expected the other woman to faint from shock at any moment. "My father, he was a travelling performer - that's how he and my mother met. So I have distant friends in family in London, working in theatres and music halls. When I'm in London, I generally visit them."

"Really?" Maddy's face lit up. "Oh, but that's wonderful! You must see such interesting things on your visits."

"I suppose I do," Rowen said, looking almost relieved at this reaction, if a little amused. "It's what I grew up with, so for me it's not that unusual." A hint of accent crept into the maid's voice, now, one that was usually almost entirely buried but now rose closer to the surface, modifying her soft Welsh lilt with the slightly more staccato nuances of the Mediterranean.

If the other woman noticed this she didn't let on, though she did lean eagerly forward. "Your father, what did he do?"

At this, Rowen smiled again. "He was a juggler. And an acrobat - not flying trapeze, just balancing acts. He was very slight, so he was always the top of the pyramids."

"Oh, -wonderful-. What an atmosphere that must've been to grow up in."

"It was, when I was little," Rowen said with a nod. "When my father died, when I was twelve, my mother and I went back to her family in Ceredigion."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Maddy reached for the other woman's hands, gathering them tightly in her own.

"No, no, it's fine. It was a long time ago now."

Maddy nodded silently, obviously bursting with questions but refraining out of deference to the solemn subject at hand. Rowen just smiled a little, turning her hands beneath Maddy's and weaving their finters together.

"I think the thing I loved best, when I was little," she began, "was the colour..."

 

Rowen talked, and Maddy listened, and as the time passed she realised that she couldn't remember Rowen ever having talked about her own life at all, never mind for this long.

She had a brief flash of guilt - how could she have been so selfish never to ask about the other woman's history before? - but it was soon overwhelmed by curiousity and pleasure as Rowen regaled her with stories from her childhood and colorful anecdotes of the personalities she had known.

Time went on, and eventually it seemed it was not for a lack of anything to say but due to the lateness of the hour that Rowen trailed off, finally.

"I should let you sleep, my lady," she murmured. "I've talked too long." Her fingers stroked lightly across Maddy's palm - their hands were not clasped any more, but were lying together, fingers winding and unwinding as they talked.

"Only if you promise to share more with me tomorrow," Maddy said, giving a small yawn, her eyes watering slightly. "This has been wonderful."

Rowen smiled. "I'm glad you've had a nice evening, my lady," she said.

"I... hope you have as well," Maddy ventured shyly then. "If my questions are a nuisance you need only say..."

"No, no, it's nice to talk. No one's asked me about my childhood in a long time. At least..."

"Go on," Maddy prompted, tipping her head to one side inquisitively.

"Other household staff..." Rowen flattened her mouth to a line. "They don't take too well to hearing about my background. I've found. They think that travelling folk are all thieves and liars. My father wasn't a gypsy," she said, almost defensively, "he didn't even travel, much, he was mostly based in the music halls. But with my colouring..."

"I can see how that might be difficult. I'm sorry," Maddy said, though it wasn't her place to apologize for other people's close-mindedness.

Rowen glanced up. "Don't be sorry," she said. "At least in you I have someone who finds it all charming rather than scandalous. Or perhaps both," she added with a slight smirk.

"Perhaps a little," Maddy admitted with a grin. "But I also think that you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen," she continued honestly, "and I would not have you look any other way."

At this, the other woman seemed to have been struck dumb - usually, when she didn't speak, Maddy could tell that she was holding something back. On this occasion, though, she really didn't seem to have anything to say. Her hand reached out of its own accord, though, slipping once more into Maddy's.

The blonde squeezed her hand tightly, as if she could convey her earnestness through force of grip alone. Her heart pounded in her chest - her words were truer than she could admit, and she only hoped that Rowen believed her without looking too deeply at her motive for saying them.

Eventually, Rowen smiled, and as she had before, just once [check], she leaned across the gap between them, her full lips brushing lightly across the other woman's cheek. "Sleep well, my lady."

Maddy suppressed a shiver, merely nodding shallowly and giving a weak smile. "Yes, thank you. And you as well."

"I'll see you in the morning."

Perhaps it was the unfamiliar bed, or the noises from outside, but Maddy found it difficult to fall asleep that night. Every time she began to drift off, however, she saw Rowen's exotic features before her, her dark eyes shining, her full lips curved into a warm smile.

 

"And one and two and three and four an- Jesus Christ, is it a broken skull you're after? Wait 'til he's braced!"

The tall woman with the brogue ran a hand over her face, turning away for a moment from the somewhat precarious pyramid as though she could no longer bear to look, only to see a familiar figure standing in the sidelines.

"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes! C'mere!"

Rowen grinned, trotting onto the stage to be enveloped in a bear hug. "I was in town, so here I am," she said as they pulled apart.

"As well you should be," the woman declared with an emphatic nod. "It's been what - two years since I've last seen you?"

"Nearly two and a half, in fact," Rowen said, nodding. "I see you're still hard at work watching other people do heavy lifting..."

The other woman gave a wide grin. "If I didn't, they'd break their fool necks, like as not."

"Well, if they can spare you just now for a bit..."

"Of course - I'm all yours. Tea?"

"Love some, thanks."

 

A few minutes later Rowen was seated in a battered armchair in a close, cluttered back room as the woman - whose name was Mary - pottered about, arranging mismatched cups on a tray along with a pot of brewing tea and a collection of biscuits, most of which looked like they had been picked over in favor of other, more favourable treats.

Still, Rowen wasn't too picky, and she happily selected a somewhat deformed looking jammy dodger before relaxing back into the chair.

"So how's life treating you?" she asked, deliberately pronouncing it 'loife' in a gentle mocking of the other woman's accent.

Mary's eyebrows rose as her lips curved into a ready smile. "I can't complain - life treats me about as well as it ever did. You'd think with the war it'd be harder, but people need distracted same as ever, and that helps distract us in turn."

"Of course. So did you have a good winter season, then?"

"Oh, fair enough. But what about you? What has kept you away for so long without a word?"

"Ah, nothing, really - I've been working in the country."

"The country?" Mary's nose wrinkled in obvious distaste. "There are plenty of positions here in town, why did you have to go all the way out there?"

The other woman shrugged. "I wanted to get away from it all for a bit."

"And why's that?" Mary asked boldly.

The younger woman made a face. "Things got... a little strange at my last appointment."

"A little strange? Rowen, dearie, you know better than to say such things without explaining what exactly it is you mean."

Rowen sighed. "Constance - the Lady [Surname] and I..."

"No - not with your employer!" Mary's expression was worried as she looked to Rowen to refute the charge.

"No! Well... Not exactly. I was governess to her children, remember, not to her. We..." Rowen frowned. "We were close. I don't know, I don't think I even realised really, what was happening, which is quite stupid for me. Nothing happened," she said now. "Perhaps it would have, I don't know, but... Her husband, the Duke(?), he knew something was going on. Maybe it had happened before, I don't know, but before I knew it Charlie was off to school a year early and I was out, with a warning that if he heard I was still working with children..." Rowen trailed off; her lips twisted in distaste.

Mary shook her head, though her expression was sympathetic. "So what have you found to do with yourself now?"

"I'm a ladies' maid, up in Derbyshire."

"A ladies' maid? Dear me, Rowen..."

"Well, what else could I do? I can't risk... I'd never work again," Rowen said, frowning. "And it's not just my reputation - who knows what lies he'd tell? I could end up in jail."

"No, no, of course, it's true," Mary replied, shaking her head. "But you could have come back here - we would have helped you. There's plenty of work for a pair of able hands, and it doesn't involve dressing up in a silly starched uniform."

"Oh, I know, I just..." Rowen shook her head. "I wanted some... time and space. To think." A wry smile crept onto her lips at this, her tone making it clear that she had not found either time or space in the interim.

"Ah, well. Don't we all."

"Mm."

"Well, how's this new job then? And how are you in London, if you're stuck away up in the country?"

"Complicated."

"Ach, surely you can tie bootlaces and fix hair with your eyes shut..."

"Mm, perhaps if I'd shut my eyes it would be less complicated," Rowen said with a significant, and rather pained look in Mary's direction.

"Dearie me," Mary said, not unsympathetically. "I see."

"I wasn't looking for it," the other woman said, almost defensively. "In truth I think I might just have ignored it and it might even have gone away," she went on, though her tone suggested she didn't really believe this, "but there was an Incident."

"Oh, I don't know if I like the sound of that..."

"She kissed me."

Mary's eyebrows shot up, and she gave Rowen a long, careful look. "Did she."

"She did. I mean it, Mary, it came... well, not completely out of nowhere but I definitely wasn't expecting it then."

"When were you expecting it?"

"I don't know." Rowen shook her head. "I don't know."

"This is trouble, and you know it. Why are you still there - you should've gone by now. No good can come of it."

"I know, but..." The younger woman frowned. "I have a feeling that she may need me around. We're... friends, of a sort, I suppose. And I think that she's about to have a somewhat difficult time, very soon."

"Certainly she is if she goes around kissing maids!" Mary exclaimed, unable to keep the shock from her voice any longer. "You know who gets blamed for these things, Rowen, and it's not the high-falutin' ladies."

"She doesn't just..." Rowen shook her head again. "It's not like that, we haven't... since. But she's... probably going to marry a man who... well, it's ironic, I suppose..."

"She's engaged? Oh, Lord..."

"She's not. Yet. But she's somehow got it into her head that she'll never find anyone, and so she might as well just marry him. But what if she does find the right man for her? She's beautiful, intelligent, witty... there's no reason why she couldn't have her pick and yet she's got herself confused and turned around enough that it's like she thinks she'll die an old maid if she doesn't marry this man."

Mary gave her another long look. "No reason, eh? Not even the reason that makes her kiss her own maid, 'completely out of nowhere'?"

"Oh, that was..." Rowen waved her hand dismissively. "That's an infatuation. I'm exotic and forbidden, that's all. She was turned around, she felt something and took it for something else, that's all. She'll get over it."

"Mm. Well, if you're so sure about that, what are you worried for? She'll soon find herself some new infatuation, with a man, and her little fiancé problem will disappear."

"What if it's too late? What if it's a year from now, or two, or five, and she's already long married to a man who'll never love her? What if she does fall in love with him - what then?"

Mary shrugged. "Then she'll be just like all those other unfortunates in the same situation, for one reason or another. You can't help it, that's just how these things go."

"All right, so I can't help it. But I can be there for her. So there I stay."

"Well, there is another alternative."

"Which is?"

"Tell her."

Rowen shot Mary an incredulous look. "Tell her what, exactly?"

"About her fiancé. If you're so worried she'll marry him then she ought to know the truth - it'll hurt less now than in twenty years, trust me."

"Oh, God, I can't, that's not for me to tell - I can't imagine how I'd feel if someone did that to me."

"Worse than if a 'friend' knew and kept it to themselves, allowing you to get trapped in a loveless marriage?"

Rowen was silent for a long moment. Then she gave an expansive sigh. "I can't, Mary. Perhaps if I was impartial, if I did just want to be fair to her. But with the way that I feel... it just feels too self-interested."

"So what, you're just going to let her dawdle along in her delusions?"

"I don't know."

"It seems like you're trying for the easy way, dearie, while ignoring the fact there is no easy way. If you're going to stick around, be her friend, then you're going to have to do what a friend would and tell her. And if you're not... why are you sticking around except to watch the misery ensue?" Mary asked, crossing her arms over her expansive chest. "That's not the Rowen I know."

"Well, maybe I'm not that Rowen any more."

"Hm."

"Well." Rowen smiled tightly, pushing herself into a more upright position. "This has been nice."

"I hope you'll come back before you go - we'll get you into a show if you want, just whenever you like."

"I'll try to make it along."

"Good, then."

"Mary, thanks. I'm sorry, I'm being..." Rowen frowned. "Unhelpful. Reluctant. I never intended to get into this situation and I suppose I just don't see any ways out of it that don't hurt someone."

"It's all right, dearie," Mary said, her face crinkling as she stepped forward to give the younger woman a warm hug. "I know it isn't easy. You'll figure out the right thing to do, I'm sure of it."

"I hope so." Rowen returned the hug, tightly, the breath leaving her lungs in another long sigh. After a long pause, she said - in a murmur, sounding almost as though it was meant for herself than for the other woman. "I'm in love with her."

Mary's only response was to squeeze more tightly, as if she didn't know what to say - and perhaps for once she didn't.

 

"Well, I hope I haven't worn you out completely - I do still require witty conversation at dinner, you know."

Maddy grinned, shaking her head as Jeremy held the front gate for her. "It takes more than a day of walking to tire me out - I'm country stock, remember?"

"Damn right you are," Jeremy said with a wink, though he still stepped up quickly to help her off with her coat. "When are you expecting Edwards back?"

"Oh, I'm not sure - I asked that she return before dinner, so soon, perhaps?"

"Very good - I don't think Mrs Norris the housekeeper would like it much if I asked her to dress you for dinner..."

"Rowen will be back, never fear."

Jeremy raised his eyebrows a little, though he smiled. "'Rowen', eh? Very friendly."

"Oh, I, er... well," Maddy said, blushing. "It seems silly to be so formal with someone who is so familiar."

"Fair enough," her cousin said dismissively, apparently meaning the comment only as a passing one. "Anyway, there's duck for dinner I believe, I hope you like that..."

 

The next few days passed seemingly in a blur for Maddy - city life was that much faster-paced and fuller than what she was used to. She enjoyed the busy-ness of it all, however, even if she wouldn't want to commit to a lifetime of social engagements. Her visit with the siblings was a pleasant evening of catching up, with Jeremy on fine form as host. The following days were taken up with other dinner parties and gatherings where Maddy met old friends and new acquaintances and heard all the gossip she could possibly stomach.

Such it was that she was well and truly ready for the first day when Jeremy had other engagement and, with apologies, left her to her own devices for the day with the insistence that he hire her a town-car and driver for her use. Rowen was to accompany her around some museums and galleries. Maddy was both excited and trepidatious at the prospect. Rowen would be coming along not as her maid, exactly, but as her companion, something she hadn't done since Christmas Day.

The past days she'd seen more of Rowen than usual, in spite of their separation during the day, for in the evenings, as was considered appropriate, the maid was obliged to sit in with Jeremy and Maddy as they chatted, or played chess or cards, or simply sat in silence with books in their hands. It was a ridiculous concept, really, since they'd spent a great deal of time alone in one another's company back at Woodhall, but this being Jeremy's 'bachelor's residence' in town a certain level of propriety was apparently required.

And, of course, Rowen was just through the wall from Maddy at night, and this had given way to her spending longer and longer talking last thing, knowing that there would be no housekeeper or roommate to get Rowen in trouble for being so late back to her own area of the house. Rowen had been somewhat subdued, the past few days - not unfriendly or any less affectionate than usual (if anything, in fact, she was a little more tactile - more touches of their hands, more need to smooth away this hair or that wrinkle of fabric). But she was preoccupied, somehow, as though there was something on her mind. Trying to tell herself that it must be seeing her old friends and extended family that was on Rowen's mind, Maddy didn't pry, instead prompting her for more stories from her childhood and her years of work as a governess, topics about which Rowen seemed perfectly happy to talk.

All in all it was with great anticipation that Maddy stepped from the flat and into the waiting towncar, waiting as Rowen climbed in beside her in the same lovely dress she had worn on Christmas day. The blond woman grinned, reaching over to clasp her companion's hand excitedly as the car pulled away from the curb and headed towards their first destination - the British Museum.

"I know perhaps I should save it for later, as a treat," she told the other woman then, grinning. "But I would hate to get there late in the day and not have enough time to see everything."

"Oh, well, if we want to see _everything_ it's probably as well that we _do_ start first thing," Rowen teased, giving Maddy's hand a brief squeeze.

Maddy blushed, unsure if the butterflies in her stomach were from excitement over visiting the museum or the tingles that ran up her arm at Rowen's touch. Either way, she felt giddier than she had the evening before with its free-flowing wine and brandy.

The British Museum was... Well, enormous, for a start. Rowen hadn't been exaggerating when she'd suggested that they could spend the while day there. Without wanting to appear unladylike Maddy hurried from one gallery to the other, slowing once she entered each room and taking in the ancient artefacts and exhibits with obvious awe. Rowen followed on, never dictating where they should go but walking after Maddy, apparently quite at home in the lofty hallways and large, echoing chambers. They were largely uninterrupted by other visitors, only a few other people scattered through the galleries. Indeed sometimes they found themselves completely alone, surrounded by antiquities or gilded paintings, and it was then that Maddy would shoot the other woman smiles, slowing her steps a bit until they were walking in tandem.

For her own part, Rowen seemed to relax a little - not that she was particularly tense or overtly deferential the rest of the time but she was clearly still 'staff' with other people around. It was in these moments alone, though, when that pensive look would return, and on more that one occasion Maddy caught her staring at a single exhibit for longer than necessary, looking through it, mind elsewhere.

It was after a few such occasions that she came to a stop next to the other woman and offered quietly, "Would you like to go?"

Rowen glanced over quickly. "To go? Er... if you'd like to, my lady," she said, sounding a little bemused.

"Well, no, I only meant... you seem as if perhaps this isn't where you'd like to be right now," Maddy said, frowning.

The other woman's brow furrowed a little too, and she turned to face Maddy properly. "There's nowhere I'd rather be," she said sincerely.

Maddy's heart fluttered, and she felt a blush creep over her cheeks. "Well. Perhaps a break, then - we could go for tea?"

"If you like, my lady."

"Mm, I'm feeling a bit parched. Let's."

"Very good, my lady." Rowen shot Maddy a smile before turning toward the exit.

Maddy couldn't help but wonder what was on the other woman's mind as she followed after her - was it the same thing that had been distracting her all week? She desperately wanted to ask what it was that was bothering her, but would Rowen tell her? Perhaps it was best not to ask at all rather than to be rebuffed.

 

They were spoiled for choice for tearooms in the vicinity, and it wasn't long before they were sitting opposite one another at a little table at the back of one of the nicer establishments. Rowen had tried to refuse anything to drink, but Maddy had insisted on a pot for them both, and scones. It was strange, in a way - with Maddy dressed down for a day around town and Rowen in one of her small selection of well-tailored non-uniform dresses, they could almost be just two friends out to the museum together rather than a lady and her maid.

And indeed, more and more this was how Maddy felt - her feelings towards Rowen had quickly grown from those for a trusted family servant to something quite different. Something more.

"Well, that was certainly something else," she remarked, sitting forward in her chair to peek at the seeping tea. "They have such a marvelous collection, don't you think?"

"It's quite remarkable," Rowen agreed. "And apparently only a minority of their collection is ever on display."

"Mm, it's fascinating. I'm sure you could come back every day and still see something new."

"Well, I don't think they reshuffle quite that often, but it's certainly amazing."

"You know what I mean," Maddy said, making a face and nudging the other woman's foot with her own.

Rowen's smile twisted slightly toward a smirk, and she looked down into her teacup almost shyly.

"I suppose we could always come back another day, before we leave," Maddy suggested then, smiling fondly at the other woman. "If you've had enough sightseeing for one day."

"Oh, no, I mean, we can if you're tired, but I'm sure I could do this all day," Rowen said - then adding, as an afterthought, a "my lady."

"All day, hm?" Maddy grinned. "We'll soon see about that..."

 

It didn't take all day, in the end - not because there wasn't plenty to do but because it began to snow in the early afternoon, and eventually Rowen had to gently suggest that they might want to make their way home before the weather worsened. They had still managed to see what Maddy had judged to be a fair number of galleries and museums in that time, and she felt sated with culture and pleased with having spent so much time with Rowen in a less formal setting.

Indeed, she was just musing how she might say as much, and suggest that they make a point of spending some more time together out in town over the coming days without it sounding strange or inappropriate, when the thought was pushed out of her head as they entered the main hall of the house and heard the sounds of what sounded at first like a fight going on off down the hallway.

Glancing at Rowen Maddy saw that the other woman had also noticed this, and she shot her mistress a worried look, hesitating and glancing behind her at the door as though unsure whether they should leave again. The noises were coming from Jeremy's study, the door of which was further down the hall, and standing ajar - and indeed as they watched, the door flew open with the forced of a centurion lamp hitting it, the green glass smashing on impact and scattering across the highly polished hardwood floor.

Gasping, Maddy was off and running before she realized it, sprinting for the study door. She slowed a little to avoid the shards of glass, rounding the doorframe to find Jeremy, back toward her, in the process of sweeping everything else off his desk in one swipe of his arm before bracing against the desk itself, tipping it away from himself and very nearly causing his desk chair to smash through the window behind it.

"Jeremy!" She exclaimed, eyes wide. "What's going on - are you all right?"

The young man spun around, eyes wide, obviously not realising she'd entered. He looked awful - his shirt collar was loose, his usually immaculately groomed hair was tousled as though he'd been raking his fingers through his, and most alarmingly of all his nose and eyes were swollen and red - he looked as though he'd not just been crying but had been doing so for some time.

"Maddy." He spoke as though her presence was a complete surprise to him, as though at that moment he didn't even remember that she was in the city let alone staying in his home there. He also sounded as though, now that she was there, he didn't have the faintest idea what to say to her, or how to begin to explain.

"I heard the noise," Maddy said then, blinking several times before taking a careful step forward. "I thought perhaps you were in danger."

Jeremy's lips twisted then, and at first it looked like he was going to smile, but instead he gave an involuntary sob that came right from his chest - his expression was almost shocked by it, as though he was taken aback by his own tears.

"Oh, Jeremy..." At this Maddy forgot about the flying lamp, the scattered glass, and closed the distance between them, reaching to pull him into her arms. She still didn't know exactly what was wrong, but she could guess. "I'm sorry."

Apparently too bewildered to resist, Jeremy slumped against her, putting an almost uncomfortable amount of weight on her as she hugged him, more of those deep, strangled sobs shaking his body and hers as he clung to her.

"Shh, shh..." After a few moments she began to draw him backwards towards the sofa, her hands firm on his arms, and he seemed too weak and too distracted to do anything other than follow along, sinking down into a seat, staring blankly ahead of himself.

Eventually, he swallowed, and drew in a shuddering breath, and as he released it it seemed that, for now at least, some of the tension left his body. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

"No, you have nothing to apologize for," she said, shaking her head. "I'm just going to get some tea... I'll be right back." With that she was on her feet again, hurrying out of the study to find a servant.

The first person she ran into, of course, was Rowen, who was hovering in the hallway still, looking worried. She approached as soon as Maddy appeared, hands outstretched to catch hers.

"It's fine," Maddy told her, giving her hands a reassuring squeeze. "Well, no, not fine, but... there's no danger. I think he's had some news from the front." Her stomach suddenly dropped - what if it was Henry? But no, she reassured herself, Jeremy had never been that close to her brother. She frowned. "He's very upset. Could we have some tea, please - and perhaps you may want to tell Mrs (whoever) there's glass in the hall..."

"Right, yes, I'll see to it." Rowen's expression flickered - presumably Jeremy's condition hadn't been much more pleasant to listen to than to experience first hand - and she let go of Maddy's hands only to pull her into a sudden, tight hug. Stepping back, she nodded once, and was gone from the hallway, leaving Maddy to return to the wrecked study and the wreck of a man within it.

 

Somehow Maddy managed to care for Jeremy that evening - care for him, but not comfort him. He sat dully as she tended to his mussed clothes and hair, dabbing his teary cheeks with a damp cloth and pressing mugs of hot tea into his hands. She attempted conversation but got little in return - in a way it was almost like being back at the hospital with the shellshocked and wounded men, too exhausted by the horrors they had seen to react to anything beyond the most direct of instructions.

Rowen was attentive also, back and forth checking whether there was anything they needed. She seemed to have eschewed their usual sense of propriety regarding allowing Maddy and Jeremy to be alone in a room of his house together - after all, it was beyond even unreasonable expectations that anything untoward should happen under such circumstances.

It was during one of these events, as Maddy jumped up to help Rowen pour yet another cup of tea for them both, that she spotted the telegram lying on the floor by the now-righted desk. She had been right, then.

She couldn't help but steal a look at the name, her heart hammering in her chest, but as she took in the words in front of her she realised it wasn't even an official telegram, but one that looked like it must be from a friend.

JUST HEARD ABOUT FRANK STOP SO SORRY STOP WILL THERE BE A MEMORIAL STOP REGARDS TOM STOP

Maddy frowned; she wasn't aware of any Frank, but then, there were plenty of people within Jeremy's social circle that she had never met before. What a terrible way to hear already terrible news.

"They didn't even write me," came a murmur from behind her. Turning, she saw that Jeremy was looking up at her - clearly he'd seen her glancing at the telegram. "All these years, all these summers since Oxford, they must have known I'd want to know and they didn't even bother to write."

"They're grieving too," Maddy replied sympathetically, moving to take a seat next to Jeremy once again. "I'm sorry."

"They never gave a damn about him," Jeremy spat. "They're probably just thanking God their embarrassment of a son never came back." At this pronouncement another fit of tears seemed to come upon Jeremy and he turned his face away, pressing his hands to his eyes as though he could hold the tears in.

Maddy didn't know what to say to this, so she stayed silent, patting his arm gently. Jeremy had never struck her as overly emotional, but she supposed perhaps he could have hidden it behind his glib, charming exterior. The sound of his crying tugged at her heartstrings, and she soon pulled him back into her arms.

Glancing up, she saw that Rowen had paused in her tea making, and was looking their way, her expression... conflicted, almost, Maddy thought. She looked pained, but her furrowed brow also hinted at something like worry, or even disapproval.

The blonde felt a funny twist inside but tried to push it away, focusing instead on soothing Jeremy's muffled sobs. "Shh..."

Jeremy turned, then, wrapping his arms tightly around Maddy. "I don't know what I'd do without you," he muttered now.

"I'll be here, as long as you need me," she assured him. This wasn't love, she knew, but if what he said was true, if he needed her... "I won't leave you."

 

"Is he asleep, then?"

"Yes, though I don't know how much rest he'll find in it."

"Well." Rowen pulled back Maddy's bedsheets, her expression rather intent. "At least you were there for him," she said carefully.

"Of course I was - and I'll stay as long as he needs me to," Maddy declared, still watching Rowen's expression closely.

But Rowen only nodded, continuing to neatly make the bed ready, her face a calm mask.

"Would you mind that?" Maddy probed, as if searching for a sore tooth with her tongue. "If we were to prolong our stay?"

"Of course not, my lady. I belong wherever you are."

Maddy frowned as if this wasn't a perfectly proper answer, sliding between the sheets that Rowen had prepared for her. Whatever her feelings for the other woman, they were tinged by whatever it was that Rowen was keeping from which, instead of growing more insignificant the longer it went unspoken, seemed to grow bigger and bigger until it took up all space between them.

Still, Rowen let Maddy settle down and pottered around for a bit before taking her usual seat by the bed. "So, what tonight?" she asked in an obviously controlled tone - a reference to Maddy's habit of choosing a topic for them at the beginning of their little pre-bed ritual.

"I want to talk about what you're keeping from me," Maddy stated boldly, though her pale cheeks told another story.

Rowen blanched. "No you don't."

"I do. I've felt it between us the entire visit and... I hate it, Rowen. I hate that you have secrets you won't tell me - haven't I told you everything in my head a hundred times over? Perhaps it is selfish of me, but I need to know what it is you won't tell me."

"M'lady, I don't think that would be a good idea," Rowen said now, shaking her head even as she reached for Maddy's hand, visibly starting when the other woman didn't take it.

Maddy opened her mouth to say something, then shut it again, her eyes suddenly bright with tears. She folded her arms across her chest hugging herself to keep from shaking. "I thought we were friends," she said in an unsteady voice. "I thought..."

"I'm sorry." Rowen's face did shift, now, finally, and she leaned forward, brow furrowing in concern. "I just... my lady, it's too... I... can't."

"There is nothing you could say that would anger me!" Maddy exclaimed, her voice cracking slightly. "I swear it! It's only these secrets, this second-guessing, this -dreading-... I can't take it, Rowen. It's too much."

Rowen shut her eyes tightly, then, as though she was in pain. She sat back, her shoulders slumping a little. "My lady..." She took a long breath and released it, then opened her eyes again, before saying any more. "Have you... Have you thought about why Jeremy is quite so devastated by the death of his friend? About why he might not have been told by the other young man's parents, why they might not approve of him?"

Maddy frowned; this was not at all what she expected. "No... but Jeremy has always been a bit of a playboy, I'm sure there are plenty of schoolmates he led astray in the past in some innocent fun that parents may not approve of."

"You think that's what it is?" Rowen pushed gently. "You think that's all it is?"

"I don't know... I haven't exactly had time to ponder it, Rowen, nor should I - it's disrespectful!"

"Disrespectful to wonder whether the man you seem fully intent on marrying might right at this moment be lying in bed grieving for his lover?" Rowen bit back, unable to hold back any longer.

Maddy gasped, hand flying up to cover her mouth as she stared at Rowen in shock. Jeremy's lover? Surely the other woman had to be joking, but Maddy couldn't understand why Rowen, of all people, would make up such a hurtful thing. "I don't understand," she said weakly, though she did, all too well.

"You don't?" Rowen tipped her head to the side, her expression suddenly very serious, as though more depended on Maddy's answer than just her opinion of Jeremy.

Maddy didn't respond directly, merely dropping her hand limply into her lap. "But why do you hate him so much, if he..."

"I don't hate him. I just don't want you to marry a man who'll never love you. Not like... not like you should be loved."

"I don't want his love," Maddy murmured, shaking her head. "That's not... it isn't important."

"Why in the hell not?"

Rowen's tone was shocking; Maddy started, leaning back slightly against the other woman's vehemence. "Because... because... I think I love Jeremy as much as I shall ever love any man," she stammered, cheeks blushing a deep pink. "And that will have to be enough for me."

"You don't know that - how can you know that?"

But Maddy just shook her head; they had reached the point where her own secrets hid.

"I see. Truth from me, but not from you." Rowen seemed almost satisfied by this. "Very good, m'lady."

"Please, Rowen..."

"No." Rowen was pushing to her feet, stepping back from the bed. "We have to draw a line somewhere, my lady," she said. "We're... we're not friends. Not the way you and Jeremy are friends. We're not equals."

"Perhaps not to anybody else," Maddy exclaimed, scrambling forward and reaching for the other woman's hand. "But in here, surely..."

"In here?" Rowen pulled her hand away. "How is in here different? After I've undressed you and taken down your hair and made your bed? After I've cleaned your room? I've never even used your first name!" Her words were coming out in a rush now, like a last line of defense, a last resort.

"But you could! You could call me whatever you liked, I don't care, I just want you as my friend, please," Maddy begged. "I'll learn to dress my own hair, I'll clean the room myself.. whatever it takes, as long as you're happy."

Rowen blinked in surprise. Clearly she'd expected some sort of explosion at this, some kind of final row - perhaps one which ended with her dismissal. As it was, she sat back down, rather suddenly, as though her legs simply decided she should no longer be standing. Her eyes slid down to her lap, where her hands were already beginning to fold over one another, fingers winding and unwinding in a sort of nervous reaction. "That's not what I want," she said quietly. "That's not what I meant. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize," Maddy said, shaking her head as she crawled a bit closer on the bed. "This... isn't fair. You have every right to be upset... with the way things are, with -me-..."

Rowen's mouth twisted a little into a dry, sad little smile. She still couldn't seem to looked up at the other woman but she did murmur something, quietly - so quietly that Maddy wouldn't have been able to hear it had she not known the words so well.

"And wilt thou have me fashion into speech..."

Eyes widening, Maddy froze, her breath catching in her throat at the verse. Painfully slowly she reached out, placing her fingers on Rowen's chin and tipping it upwards so as to meet her eyes.

She felt the other woman swallow. "My lady," she almost whispered. Then, after a hesitation. "Madeline..."

Maddy couldn't lean in, couldn't place the kiss on the other woman's lips that she had been dreaming of, couldn't be the one to close the distance between them. Not this time. All she could do was give the tiniest of nods, tongue darting out to wet her lips nervously.

Rowen did lean closer, eyes fluttering closed again, her face so near Maddy's now that she even felt the slightest brush of the other woman's impossibly long, dark eyelashes against her cheeks. She let her own eyes close, waited, holding her breath.

And then she felt it - a tiny flurry of cooler air as Rowen moved, and then she did feel the other woman's lips, not on her own but on her forehead. As she opened her eyes Rowen was already drawing back.

"It's so late," she said, eyes anywhere but Maddy's. "I know you need more sleep than you're going to get..."

Maddy watched as the other woman pulled away from her, feeling something inside her wrench and letting out a small, helpless whimper. It showed on Rowen's face that she'd heard it, but she only reached for Maddy's hand, squeezing it tightly.

"What we have-" she began, breaking off as her throat caught on the words, and she leaned closer again, lifted her free hand to Maddy's face, calloused palm warm against her skin. "What we have now. That has to be enough. I'm sorry."

"But..." Maddy couldn't form words; it was as if she had just run at full-speed up a flight of steep stairs only to have the landing give way beneath her. She knew what Rowen said was true, but more than anything she wanted to ignore it, to ignore all the conventions that said the other woman was right - and would always be. A tear slipped down her cheek as she cast her eyes down, biting her lip to keep from letting out a sob.

Finally, it seemed, Rowen's own eyes were bright, but she didn't relent, only smiling tightly, her thumb brushing over Maddy's cheek, her fingers wrapped tightly around her mistress's. "At least we have this," she said, her voice thick, wretched now as she watched what she was doing to the woman she loved. "Every day, we have this. People get by on much less."

Maddy raised her eyes once more to Rowen's face, giving the tiniest of nods. She still couldn't speak, couldn't dare to give voice to the emotions insider her. She squeezed Rowen's hand fiercely and then turned her head suddenly, her lips brushing against the other woman's palm in a desperate shadow of a kiss.

Rowen nodded in return, her hands trembling a little as she pulled back, at last, and stood, backing away from the bed almost as though she was afraid of it. "Sleep well, my lady," she said, in a tone that suggested she realised how unlikely this was.

Maddy crumpled back against the pillow, her face pale and drawn. She followed Rowen's progress towards the door with her eyes, fingers distractedly worrying the lace coverlet spread over her legs. It was only when Rowen reached to push the door between their rooms open that she murmured a "goodnight" and suddenly turned over onto her side, shoulders shaking as she pressed her face into her pillow.

She didn't hear their adjoining door clicking shut quietly as Rowen closed it, and she didn't hear the quiet thud as the other woman slumped to rest back against it. She didn't hear Rowen begin to cry in earnest, because her hand was clamped tightly across her mouth, reducing her body-shaking sobs to almost inaudible moans.

Rowen felt rather than saw her way to her own bed, everything numb, all her senses somehow dulled, muffled. Curling up into a ball, her mind of its own accord sifted through the events of the evening - the drama, the grieving, the heartbreak. She couldn't see any part of it that she should have done differently, that she wouldn't do the same given the chance to repeat it.

Somehow, knowing this didn't help.

 

Time, of course, marched on, and with the days that passed the discomfort and the melancholy gave way to a sort of reluctant pragmatism. Jeremy was still a mess, of course, and Maddy, despite now realising the nature of his relationship with his mysterious dead soldier, continued to care for him as attentively and as tenderly as she had that first afternoon. By the time they left, around a week after they'd originally planned, he was (if not happy or even content) certainly less of a danger to himself.

As to Maddy and Rowen, well, things went on, on the surface, very much as they previously had. It was strange: on one hand, knowing now, knowing for sure that the feelings Maddy had were reciprocated, that she wasn't alone, was like a gift - the thought warmed her, sent a delighted flutter through her body, made every glance, every touch that much more pleasurable. But at the same time, knowing that what they had could never go any further, that their lips would never touch again, that those simple rituals, dressing and undressing, making and unmaking hair, those rituals would be all they would have, that added a note of pain to every waking minute that was almost worst than her previous state of unknowing. Maddy thought darkly that if only she could touch Rowen as Rowen could touch her - the bare skin of her back or side, her thighs, her neck and scalp - that perhaps then she could find a way to be happy like this. As it was, she knew that it would only be so long before this would become too much, and what happened then she didn't know but she did know that it would, one way or another, cause their fragile little world to crumble around them.

In the meantime, reading helped a lot. It started on the very first day - the day after they didn't kiss and didn't profess their love. That night, after an excruciating day of pained looks and attempts to maintain their propriety, Rowen had taken her seat as usual by Maddy's bed, this time with a familiar, battered little book in her hands. "I thought I might read to you," she'd said, and in the silence that followed, she had opened the book and begun to read, starting, perhaps predictably, with Sonnet 43, with which she was so familiar that she seemed almost able to recite it, looking as often at Maddy as to the page as she spoke.

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

Rowen's reading voice was, as Maddy would have expected, very good - her sense for the rhythm of the verse was almost instinctive, her mild, mixed accent lending it a strange sense of exoticism. When she'd finished, she'd immediately shut the book, chewing her lower lip as she held it tentatively out to the other woman.

Accepting the book, Maddy hesitantly thumbed through it, unable to see the pages clearly for her glances at Rowen, laden with emotion and unsaid sentiment. Somehow, though, as she began to read her selection some of that burden seemed to lift, that melancholy ache ease somewhat with the words that tripped over her lips.

"The face of all the world is changed, I think...

They continued in the nights that followed, on and on, until that book was finished, and they started on another - poetry, novels, even essays sometimes. They didn't always read about love, or choose texts that reflected their feelings. Just the act of reading itself seemed to forge a connection between them, just for a little while, that made the day that followed a little easier to bear.

The family heard from Henry just as Maddy and Rowen arrived back at Woodhall - he was well, apparently, and still in Belgium, where things were a little calmer at present following Christmas. This news at least was welcome, and for a time Maddy carried on, if not not happy, then at least secure in the fact that things were going as well as they could in all aspects of her life. Weeks bled into months, and it began to seem as though they might go on indefinitely just as they were.

Then came the Second Battle of Ypres.

Maddy arrived for breakfast one morning to find her father sitting ashen-faced at the table, a newspaper lying open in front of him on top of his plate.

"Good morn-- Papa, what's the matter?" she asked, the color draining from her own cheeks as she took in his ghostly expression.

He seemed to consider not answering for a moment, but eventually he sighed, and nodded slowly, mostly to himself. "Two days ago there was a chlorine gas attack by the German Army on the line at Gravenstafel. Ypres."

"Oh, God," Maddy moaned quietly, reaching for a nearby chairback to steady herself as her knees went weak. "How many..?"

"No idea," her father said gruffly, reaching for the paper suddenly and folding it, putting it to one side. "Not much in the way of facts available."

"What... what is it?" she asked then, a buzzing sound intruding in her ears. She pulled out the chair and slumped into it. "What does it mean?"

"It's an irritant - in large amounts it suffocates, apparently," her father said with a frown. "It... wasn't a British line," he said then, sounding a little as though he disliked himself for his own relief.

The buzzing lessened slightly, though Maddy still gripped the arms of the chair tightly with both hands. "Oh. Well. Surely we would know if..."

But her father was already shaking his head. "It's impossible to say, Madeline, you know that."

Of course she did. It didn't mean that reassuring words wouldn't have eased her worries, just a little. "Yes, Papa."

Her father cleared his throat, signalling the end of the conversation, and reached to pour himself some more tea. Maddy pretended not to notice that his hand trembled a little around the handle of the pot.

 

"My lady? My lady! Madeline!"

Maddy woke with a jolt, eyes adjusting to see Rowen leaning over her, face a picture of concern. She felt a pressure around her wrists and realised that the other woman had them gripped in her hands, almost painfully tightly. As she came back to herself, she noticed the details first. Her body felt cold. Her neck hurt. The lamp was still on.

Frowning, Maddy blinked and straightened up, wary of her neck, which continued to ache even as she changed position. "What's happened?" she asked, still confused as to why Rowen looked quite so worried.

"You fell asleep," Rowen said, finally releasing her grip on Maddy's hands. "I was going to go, but... well, I didn't. I think you were having a bad dream, you started thrashing about and I wasn't going to wake up, but you were clawing at your neck, and I thought you were going to draw blood, so..."

"Oh." Maddy glanced down at her hands, the fingers still curled slightly towards her palms. "I must have been dreaming..." She couldn't quite remember what, though she could taste the tang of metal and fear still lingering on her tongue. Sighing, she looked back up at Rowen gratefully. "Thank you."

The other woman sank back into her chair again, reaching out to take Maddy's hand, gently this time, as much it seemed to reassure herself as Maddy. The blonde woman shifted, moving a bit closer to Rowen, feeling more anxious the more she woke. They had read to one another that evening as usual but her heart hadn't been in it - she was still too anxious, too distracted by thoughts of Henry.

"I... don't think I said," Rowen said then, as though she sensed Maddy's thoughts, "how sorry I am, to hear the latest from the front. We're all very worried, and praying that Lord Moncrieff is unharmed."

Maddy flinched, though the look she turned on Rowen was not unfriendly. "I think all the prayers in the world are not enough - but thank you."

"Well, I don't really... believe in prayer... myself. But I'm... hoping, I suppose." Rowen saw that she wasn't really helping, and she shifted a little. "I suppose I should go," she said with a wry smile, "before make any more stupid remarks."

"No, please," Maddy said quickly, "don't go. Not yet."

Any hesitation on Rowen's part seemed only to be a result of her taking a moment to understand, because after a few second's pause her frowned cleared a bit, her expression once more sympathetic, and she settled back into her chair, giving Maddy's hand a slight squeeze. "I'll stay for as long as you need me," she promised.

"I would have you not go at all if I am to sleep at all tonight," Maddy said in a subdued voice, looking quite pale and fragile under the thick heap of blankets.

Perhaps Rowen had half expected this, for she nodded readily. "All right," she said. "Then I won't leave."

Maddy seemed to realize what she had said then, and she shook her head, frowning. "No, I couldn't... I didn't mean that you must, Rowen."

"Of course I must," the other woman said determinedly. "That is, I'll have to leave early in the morning to wash and change, but..." she shook her head, as though realising that this wasn't a matter that she needed to bother Maddy with. "I won't leave you while you need me here."

"Oh." Was it Rowen's imagination, or was there the faintest bloom of pink on Maddy's cheeks? "Thank you," was all she said, almost shyly.

Rowen just shook her head, smiling a little, reaching with her other hand, wrapping Maddy's in both of hers. Maddy hesitated then; they had already bent the rules of propriety quite far and she wasn't sure how wise it was to bend them further. Still she certainly wouldn't be able to sleep if she knew Rowen was in discomfort because of her. "Will you come sit next to me?" she ventured then, uncertainly.

"I am sitting n-..." Rowen began, before glancing in comprehension at the space beside Maddy on the bed. She began to shake her head, her reluctance clear, but she seemed to decide that perhaps priorities should change, that night, because she rose, then, releasing Maddy's hands to make her way around to the far side of the bed, kicking off her shoes and placing them neatly by the bed before settling next to Maddy, above the covers, back against the headboard, turned a little toward her.

The other woman let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, turning with a grateful smile towards Rowen. "Thank you."

Seemingly relaxed enough now that she was here, Rowen shifted a little to get more comfortable, reaching again for Maddy's hand, and she returned the smile. "Anything you need," she said.

Maddy's expression sobered then; the things she truly needed were so far out of reach - or in one case, so tantalizingly close - that she knew it was hopeless to even consider them. The other woman seemed to see this, and amended her words. "Anything I can do," she said, giving her hand a squeeze.

"Could you tell me the story of your father and the clown with the monkey?" Maddy asked then, sinking back into the pillows until she could shimmy slightly and rest her head on the other woman's shoulder.

"I've told you about that before," Rowen said, shifting down a little herself to move her arm, wrapping it around Maddy's shoulders.

"I know, but I'd like to hear it again. It makes me laugh."

"Then you shall hear it again."

 

Rowen didn't stop at the monkey and the clown. One by one she trotted out every story she could remember that had even made Maddy chuckle in the past, hoping to cheer the other woman's obviously lowered spirits. Maddy didn't immediately dissolve into laughter, but by the end she had cracked a smile, shifting closer to Rowen and wrapping an arm around her waist.

A shiver went through Rowen that was only partly due to the cold of the room, but she did reach nevertheless to flip some of the excess covers hanging off the bed up over her stockinged legs.

"Oh," Maddy said, lifting her head slightly, frowning. "You should come underneath - it's much warmer."

Again, there was that initial look of reluctance, and on any other night Maddy knew that would have been the line that Rowen wouldn't cross, despite the fact that there was no way she wouldn't be far too col as she was. Tonight, there was just a hesitation, and then she complied, shifting to slip rhe blankets out from beneath her and over herself.

"I remember when Sophie and I used to hide under the blankets together from the cold," Maddy murmured then, her feet seeking Rowan's stockinged legs. "When we were younger - before she despised me."

"She can't truly despise you," Rowen murmured, shifting to get comfortable, allowing Maddy to settle once more against her.

"She certainly thinks I don't deserve what I have." Maddy made a sound, and it was a moment before Rowen realized she was giving a choked laugh. "If she only knew..."

"At least you've prevented her from making a fool of herself, then," Rowen jested gently.

The other woman pulled back a little now so that she could look at Maddy. "You're not a fool," she said seriously.

"Of course I am. If it wasn't for a twist of chance I would have married Jeremy, blithely ignoring anyone who tried to naysay me."

"That's not... that's not foolish, it's..." Rowen shook her head a little. "You shouldn't feel like a fool."

"I don't know. Perhaps not. But I still do," Maddy sniffed, burrowing closer to the other woman.

"It's all right, shhh, it's all right." Maddy lapsed into silence then, her hand smoothing over Rowen's apron distractedly, and at this the brunette seemed to realise she was still wearing it and reached behind herself to fumble with the bow at the back.

"Oh, here, let me..." Maddy tried to help, using her free hand to pluck at the knotted bow that held the apron on.

Rowen held her breath, leaning a little closer as she let the other woman untie and remove her apron. "Thanks."

"It's only fair, after all," Maddy murmured, her breath warm on Rowen's neck. "You've helped me so much."

Rowen released the breath she was holding herself, relaxing as she did so against the other woman. "Careful," she murmured.

"I'm glad you're here," Maddy replied softly, as if she hadn't heard Rowen's caution. Slowly she trailed her finger up the other woman's back. "I don't... I don't know what I'd do without you here."

Rowen arched her back a little in spite of herself, closing her eyes tightly. "We should sleep," she whispered.

"I don't want to sleep." Maddy sounded almost petulant. "I don't want to have that bad dream again."

"You won't," Rowen said, bringing a hand up to stroke Maddy's face. "I'm here."

The blonde woman turned her head, catching Rowen's palm with her lips. "I'm not tired," she whispered, her breath tickling Rowen's hand.

"Please," Rowen said, her tone almost urgent. "Please, let's try to sleep, all right?"

Maddy moaned quietly, her hands curling against the fabric of the other woman's dress. After a long moment she shifted away, drawing in a long, shaky breath and reaching up to press her hands to her cheeks.

Rowen bit her lip, leaning in to touch her forehead to Maddy's. "Turn around," she said quietly. "Turn off the lamp?"

Silently Maddy obeyed, nestling under the blankets as soon as the room grew dark. Rowen curled against her, slipping an arm around her waist. She leaned in, and Maddy could swear that the other woman smelled her hair before she settled against her. "Good night," she murmured.

"Good night."

 

Somehow Maddy did manage to sleep that night - despite her troubled thoughts and the aching need of her body she soon fell sound asleep, waking only when Rowen roused herself, early in the morning, and slid out of bed.

The maid stopped to pull her shoes on, perched on the edge of the bed. Her hair had loosed itself in the night, and was now a dark, wild cascade down her back.

Even in the dim light she took Maddy's breath away.

Stirring, she reached out for the other woman, wanting nothing more than to draw her back down beside her and to sleep the rest of the day away.

At the hand on her shoulder, Rowen turned, smiling slightly. "So you slept in the end."

"Mm. Yes," Maddy replied sleepily, nodding. "Because you stayed."

"You'll be fine."

"I wish you didn't have to leave."

"I need to get back to my room. I've got to change and wash and then there are the fires to mend." Rowen smiled a little again, leaning back slightly against Maddy. "I'm sorry, love." A moment after she said it she gave a start, but she didn't correct herself - after all, what would she say? That she didn't mean it?

Somehow this made it easier for Maddy to bear the thought of letting her leave, and she sighed, leaning her forehead against the other woman's warm back. "I know."

"Go back to bed," Rowen said, tucking Maddy back in and twisting her head round to kiss Maddy's cheek lightly. "I'll be back soon."

"Mmhmm..." The other woman was already drifting back to sleep, a slight smile on her lips.

 

Rowen let herself into her room quietly, saying a silent prayer to no one as she entered that Mary was still asleep. Unfortunately the other woman was an early riser, and she was already stirring in bed as Rowen shut the door behind her. "There you are," she said, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Where did you get to last night?"

"I was with the Lady Madeline," Rowen said simply, opting immediately for as close to the truth as she could manage. "She was troubled."

"Poor lamb. All this mess with Lord Henry... it's a terrible shame," Mary tsked.

"Mm. I wouldn't... bother to mention to Mrs Gorey," Rowen said casually, "I think... I think this may not be the last time this happens over the next little while. She was having very bad dreams - I thought she was going to hurt herself. You can... keep it between us, can't you? If Mrs Gorey knows, Hodges will know, and if he speaks to his lordship..."

Mary eyed her for a moment, but either it was early enough in the morning or she truly just didn't care, and she soon was nodding her agreement as she slid out of bed, wincing as her feet came into contact with the cold floor. "Mm, very well. As long as you get your duties done - Lord knows Lady Sophie keeps me busy enough without having to pick up any slack."

"Oh, I'll never be late out in the morning - just let me freshen up and I'll be with you on the fireplaces."

"Right then."

 

Rowena was right. They managed their day like any other, and at the end of it, after they'd read to one another and Maddy had settled beneath the covers, Rowena had only to look at her and see the question in her eyes to know that she wouldn't be leaving that night.

Just as the night before Maddy eagerly shifted closer as soon as Rowen joined her under the sheets, though instead of lying against her she pushed herself up to join the other woman, placing a hand on her shoulder to turn her - not towards her, but away. Rowen complied, though with some trepidation - she had curled around Maddy the previous night safe in the knowledge that the only hands she had to worry about were her own.

"I'm glad you're here," Maddy murmured, though she didn't move uncomfortably close, instead reaching up to begin unpinning Rowen's thick, dark hair from its neat, workmanlike bun.

Rowen closed her eyes, a smile falling across her features as they relaxed. "I should have done that before, really," she murmured apologetically.

"I'm glad you didn't. I've always wanted to do this for you," Maddy said shyly, her fingers slightly unsure as they picked out the pins and set them aside. "You have such lovely hair..."

"You say that, but you don't have to deal with it every morning..."

"Well, perhaps you could teach me. Certainly it must be easier with a different vantage point."

"Oh, that's quite all right, I would never presume to-"

"I'd like to." Maddy's voice was quiet, but firm.

Rowen, of course, had just been making conversation - she was quite capable of doing her own hair. But she turned her head briefly to glance back at Maddy with a smile. "All right, then."

The other woman smiled back, her fingers growing more sure as Rowen's hair began to descend from its bun, and she was soon running her fingers through it much as the other woman did hers every night. Rowen slowly, almost unconsciously it seemed, began to settle, the tension leaving her body as the other woman gently teased out the little knots and tangles that had found their way into her hair over the course of the day. When each lock of hair was smooth and shining Maddy delved her fingers into it, running them gently along the other woman's scalp, her breath growing somewhat shallow and her stomach giving a flip.

There was no mistaking the tiny whimper that escaped Rowen's throat, then, and she turned her head just slightly, not back toward Maddy as before but to press it against the pillow, as though its coolness might remedy the sudden bloom of colour to her cheeks.

After another moment Maddy drew her hands away, unsure if either of them would be able to maintain their composure if she continued. "There," she murmured thickly, "all done." Rowen reached behind her, then, for Maddy's hand, tugging it to wrap the other woman's arm around her, lacing their fingers together.

Once again Maddy leaned in, her front pressed to Rowen's back, her chin resting on her shoulder. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and shivering as her senses were flooded with the other woman's nearness.

Rowen gave her hand a squeeze. "Sleep well," she murmur.

"Mm," Maddy breathed. "You too."

 

The next two weeks were at once two of the best and the worst of Maddy's life.

Communications from Ypres were unreliable - they hadn't heard that Henry was missing, or dead, but they hadn't heard any news from him either. There were more vague reports of gas attacks - the chlorine gas was avoidable, apparently, and moist gauze helped protect from its effects, but there were still men dying from suffocation or from lung damage. Every day, now, the family passed the morning papers between them, even Sophie keen to read for herself every piece of information that there was to be had on current events, and every waking thought was filled with worry that Henry, that very day, might be lying somewhere dying, or already dead.

By night, Maddy felt as though she was glancing into another world. Rowen wouldn't stay with her all night every night, not after the first few, observing that she shared a room with Sophie's maid Mary, and so sometimes Maddy would be vaguely aware of her slipping out part way through the night. But this was easy enough to bear when she was able to prepare for bed each night along with the other woman, and settle beneath the sheets beside her, fall asleep curled against her or with Rowen behind her, cradling her protectively.

Occasionally she would wake from the throes of a bad dream, Rowen hugging her tightly and murmuring in her ear. She could never remember exactly what she dreamed, but she knew well enough that the nightmares would stop if she could just hear that Henry was safe and well again. None of her family wanted to speak of it, as if giving voice to their worries would make them real.

 

Then, one morning in early May, the telegram came that sent Maddy running up the stairs to her room, shutting the door behind her and leaning back against it before releasing a sound that was partway between a laugh and and a sob.

It wasn't until she opened her eyes that she saw that she wasn't alone.

"What's happened?" Rowen said, stepping away from the bed, which she'd been in the process of making. "Is everything... all right?"

"Henry," Maddy said, holding up the crumpled telegram and grinning at the other woman. "He's safe, and he's coming home."

"Oh, that's wonderful..." The bed forgotten, Rowen crossed the room toward Maddy, her face splitting into a wide grin as she reached for her. The other woman wrapped her arms around Rowen, pulling her close and placing a kiss on her cheek, and then somehow it wasn't her cheek, and Rowen's lips were on hers, hands cupping her face, and she was lost in the embrace. Her joy at Henry's homecoming mingled with the thrill of the kiss and she grinned against the other woman's lips, hugging her tightly around the waist as they teetered towards the bed, falling sideways onto it by some unspoken agreement, all the tension and anticipation of the past weeks ebbing away as Rowen seemed to forget her reservations, her warnings and hesitations apparently left behind as her hands moved to weave into Maddy's hair.

Maddy sighed, her legs tangling in the other woman's skirts as she shifted closer, her hands moving to span the other woman's narrow waist. Rowen barely seemed to notice, all her attention on Maddy's lips, her kisses insistent, now, deeper and harder with every moment that passed, her full lips hot and moist, her tongue flickering out to touch to Maddy's. The younger woman squirmed and moaned at this, sensations coursing through her that seemed almost too intense, too overwhelming.

Rowen lost track of the time they lay there, completely absorbed with one another, lips locked, hands exploring one another over their dresses. It was only at the sound of footsteps outside the door - footsteps which passed them by, in the end - that Maddy pulled back, her eyes wide and cheeks flushed a deep pink.

Rowen stared back, lips parted slightly, her face also suffused with colour, and she pushed up onto one elbow slightly to look down at the other woman, reaching to stroke her face.

"I... I'm sorry," Maddy murmured then, her demeanor suddenly hesitant, shy. "I shouldn't have-"

Rowen shook her head, smiling a little. "Madeline, that was me," she said. "Well, at least... as much me as it was you. And I'm not sorry at all."

"Oh. Well in that case neither am I," the other woman said in a rush, her face splitting into a grin. This established, Rowen leaned in again to kiss her, still smiling against her mouth. Maddy sighed and returned the kiss, though she kept the contact light this time, her lips soft and teasing, and Rowen's eyes fluttered closed as she responded in kind, moving her hand to slide it down Maddy's side to rest on her hip.

With the initial rush of sensations past Maddy could now think a bit more clearly, though she still felt light-headed and giddy just at the thought of kissing the other woman. It still seemed surreal that she was here with her now - she had hoped to see Rowen, of course, to tell her the good news, but she hadn't planned or expected this.

Another purposeful set of footsteps marched along the corridor outside, and Rowen sprang back, head snapping round, only breathing again when the sound passed their door. Still staring at the door, she shook her head. "This is too risky," she murmured.

"Just turn the key," Maddy urged, pushing herself up on her elbows.

But Rowen only shook her head again. "Even then. Mary or Mrs Gorey will wonder where I am - they'll come to check on me, it's... we can't do this. Not now."

Flustered, Maddy sat up properly now and bit her lip. "Yes, all right," she sighed.

Rowen straightened up to join her, leaning to kiss her again - lightly but lingering. "Tonight?" she murmured, her expression still a little heavy-lidded as she surveyed Maddy.

Just that one word was enough to send Maddy's heart racing again. She nodded mutely, reaching out to lightly stroke the other woman's cheek with trembling fingers.

"I love you, Madeline."

Maddy's breath caught in her throat and it was several seconds before she was able to reply, though when she did it seemed the most natural thing in the world. "I love you too."

"But we're going to have to be... so careful. If you want this."

"I do. I will be. I promise."

 

"God... please..." Rowen turned her head, burying her face in the pillow to muffle the moans that she couldn't hold in, hands

clutching at the blankets beneath her. Maddy pressed her lips to the other woman's neck, her fingers delved deeply beneath the layers of

petticoats and skirts, and soon the other woman was bucking against her involuntarily, low, almost pained sounding moans sounding

slightly from where she had covered her face. As Maddy withdrew her hand her lover lifted her head to kiss her deeply, tongue delving

between her lips before she reluctantly pulled back.

"You're going to kill me one day doing that," she said, touching her nose to Maddy's before rolling them both so that the younger woman lay

beneath her. "Every time you do that, I think I'm going to die."

"You make it sound terrible," Maddy murmured, her lips curved into a satisfied smile as she stretched beneath the other woman. "Do you want

me to stop?"

"Mm, never," Rowen said, shaking her head and lowering her head to peck Maddy on the lips. "Although we did promise we'd stop doing this

during the day..."

"I know, I know..."

"I was just supposed to be making the beds..."

Maddy grinned, wrapping her arms around the other woman's waist. "Well, at least we didn't ruin an already tidy bed. I'll help you put it to

rights soon."

"Mm. All right."

"But for now..." Maddy pulled the other woman closer, turning to bury her face in the crook of the other woman's neck.

"For now, I have to finish making all these beds and you need to go and keep your sister from driving your father mad while you wait

for Lord Moncrieff's arrival..."

The younger woman grinned, pulling back to gaze up at Rowen lovingly. "Very well. But I'll see you tonight?"

"You won't be too distracted for me?"

"Of course not. Nothing could distract me from you."

Rowen favoured Maddy with a kind smile. "We'll see what you say when you have your brother back," she said.

 

"I think I see him! There's something at the end of the drive!"

And indeed, as the moving object hove in sight it was in fact the family motorcar, which had departed for the train station earlier that day, as

they had been unsure quite when Henry would be arriving. The entire family was out on the drive in mere minutes, as well as most of the

staff, there either to exhibit their support for the young officer or because they had been chided out by others. Maddy bounced on the spot -

even her mother was too excited to chastise her for her unladylike behavior.

Henry had been home only once before since the war had started, right near the beginning - once he'd been posted to Belgium, the situation had apparently been too complicated for him to be spared or, as Maddy suspected, he had taken the decision as an officer to send his men home rather than himself when the opportunity arose.

Hearteningly, though, in spite of their fears, the man who alighted from the motorcar was not too changed from the one they'd seen off back in October - a little slimmer, perhaps, and currently unshaven, but still tall, handsome, and quick to smile - as he did now, almost breaking into a trot as he approached to greet his parents and sisters.

First his father clasped his hand, taciturn as always but with a glint in his eye that belied his inner emotions. Next his mother exclaimed over him - how thin he was, how fine his uniform looked, how glad they were to have him home - for several minutes, halting only when Sophie pushed in, giving her older brother a hug and demanding to know all the latest news. Maddy waited until everyone else had had their chance before stepping forward to embrace him tightly, pressing her cheek to his shoulder and giving a deep, shuddering sigh. "Welcome home."

Henry smiled, turning his head to kiss her cheek before wrapping his own arms tightly around his sister. "How's my favourite girl, hm?" he murmured quietly.

"Just fine, now that you're back." She wanted to say 'safe' but didn't - after all, he'd be leaving soon, heading back to the front, wouldn't he? Giving him another tight squeeze she looked up, smiling at him. "Come on, let's get inside."

 

"If I'm honest, I don't really know where to begin. It was just..." Henry shook his head, looking to his brandy and swilling it gently in its glass before lifting it to his lips for a brief sip. "Chaos. The initial instinct was to run away, of course, but then you used more air, you inhaled more, got more into your system... The best idea was to move away slowly, cover your mouth with damp cloth and, if you could, get as high as was safe - the gas is heavy, you see, it lies low in the trench."

Maddy knew some of this already, of course, but it was a different thing completely hearing about it from someone who had been there - her own brother, who had been among the creeping, deadly gas. She repressed a shudder, having no stomach for her own wine and merely staring at it for a moment before looking back up to him. "I know war is brutal, but that just seems so... cruel."

"The Allies thought it might be illegal at first - they certainly tried to say so. But there's a loophole, you see, because-... Well, it's all silliness, anyway - dead soldiers are dead soldiers, and I'm sure we'll be gassing them in return soon enough."

Maddy's lips turned to a frown and she shook her head. "I never thought I'd hear people speaking so blithely about human lives. I suppose that's what war is all about, though."

"Mm." Henry's mouth twisted at this, and he looked away for a moment. "Well, enough about that. How are you? How is Woodhall?"

"The same as it ever is... a bit quieter than usual, I suppose... Mama tries to keep up appearances, you know, but her heart's not into it."

"You seem... different," Henry said, narrowing his eyes just slightly.

"Different? I don't know... what do you mean?" Maddy asked, frowning.

"Me neither," Henry said, shaking his head. "But... last time I saw you, it was as though you were... searching for something. And in your letters, too. You seemed... a little lost, somehow."

"Oh." She blinked, unsure what to say to this. Was she different now, now that she had Rowen? "I suppose perhaps I was. Things had changed so much, and I couldn't... it was hard to keep up, to change along with them."

"And now?"

"I suppose I... caught up."

Henry nodded slowly. "I see. Oh, how was London?"

Maddy pursed her lips, then took a sip of wine. "It was... fine."

"I heard that Jeremy got some bad news while you were there."

"Mm, yes. One of his... friends was killed in action." Maddy frowned. "He was very upset."

"It must have been good for him," Henry said carefully, "to have you there with him."

"I tried my best to be a support for him - I hope I helped."

"I'm sure you did. How are... have things progressed between you, at all? Is there anything official yet?"

"No," Maddy said, shaking her head. "Not yet. I... don't know if there will be, now."

Henry frowned. "No? Why not?"

"I don't know how well-matched we are. He'd hate being stuck in the country, and I wouldn't want to live in London..."

Her brother nodded slowly. "I suppose that's important."

"Mm."

"You... always knew that Jeremy wanted to live in the city, though, didn't you?"

"Yes, well, I suppose it was after going there to visit that I... realized how incompatible we might be."

"I see." Henry looked thoughtfully into his brandy. "I'll confess, Maddy, I'm not completely surprised."

Maddy raised her eyebrows. "You're not?"

"No, I suppose I... didn't ever expect Jeremy to marry," Henry said carefully. "And although I know you love him dearly as a friend, you never seemed..." Maddy merely looked on, curious what her brother might have to say, but he seemed to search for a word for some time before shrugging and saying simply. "I never felt that you loved him in that way."

"I suppose not. But, as you say, we are still good friends, and I feel fortunate for that much."

Henry nodded slowly. "Well, that's good at least. At least there were no... misunderstandings."

"Misunderstandings?"

"Yes, you know. Regarding... feelings, or what-have-you."

"Ah." Maddy nodded, then paused, her expression growing more conflicted. "Henry..."

"Yes, dearest?"

Maddy hesitated; what was she doing? No matter how trusted her brother was, no matter how dear, there was no way to discuss what was truly on her mind (or in her heart) with him. Her stomach sinking, she shook her head, forcing a smile. "With my prospects with Jeremy off the table, Mama is going to be back at you to marry, you realize."

Strangely, Henry didn't seem overly disheartened by the news that Maddy would no longer be marrying their second cousin. "Well, unless she'd like me to seek out a Belgian lady of the night she'll have to hold her horses on that one," he said with a slight grin.

"As if a little thing like war ever stopped her from matchmaking."

"Mm, well, I won't be around for it so you'll have to field her suggestions yourself, I'm afraid."

"Oh, that could be fun," Maddy said, grinning mischievously.

"Careful, you. Or I'll find you a husband out on the field of battle."

Maddy merely smirked, and the topic soon turned to all the girls they knew that doubtless their mother would be eager to trot out in front of Henry. The young man had enjoyed several flirtations with various ladies before the war, and Maddy knew one day he would find a woman to settle down with, taking over Woodhall and raising a family of his own. What would that mean for her? She knew if she had asked him that Henry would allow her to stay, but would she truly want to be the maiden aunt, doting on young nieces and nephews without a family of her own?

And then again, unbidden, the question of Rowen rose in her mind. Rowen hadn't said as much, but Maddy knew all too well that the situation they currently had could not last. It had been borne of her nightmares and trouble sleeping during the recent troubles on the front, but with Henry not only confirmed safe but having been to visit, there was only so long someone of Maddy's historically strong constitution and character could claim to be having night terrors without arousing suspicion.

That and, of course, it wasn't enough. It could never be enough. They had to be so careful, always ready for a door to open suddenly, always wary of turning the key in the lock for fear of what others might think in finding it so. Maddy knew that Rowen must long, just as she did, to be able to truly be at ease in one another's company, to explore - or just to see one another's bodies without the barrier of clothes between them, to have the privacy to do the things she had never before even thought about doing but somehow knew she wanted. What they'd started, they couldn't just wrap up and hide away again. They couldn't go back to the way things were, , trying to outdo each other with swoon-inducing descriptions of their beau's tender lips and gentle hands. It was only when the other woman touched her that she realized those girls - her friends - had no idea how transcendent another person's attentions could be, and she wondered in her more pragmatic moments if they ever would.

 

"I'll have to go, love."

Maddy didn't reply, merely burying her face in Rowen's neck, her fingers smoothing over the ties of her apron. She knew it was true, and yet now that they came to it... "It isn't fair," she muttered dejectedly.

Smiling tightly, Rowen pulled back a little to look at the other woman. "I know," she said. Then, "I'll see you in the morning - I'll try to come early, if I can."

Maddy nodded, trying not to look as wretchedly unhappy as she felt. "Very well."

"I love you."

"I love you too." The younger woman paused, pursing her lips for a moment. "Rowen?"

"Mhm?"

"If I could find a way for us to be together, would you... leave the manor and come with me?"

"Of course."

Maddy grinned then, though it didn't entirely dispel the look of nervousness on her face. "Good."

"But you'll think of your family, won't you," Rowen urged now, perhaps worried about what Maddy might have planned. "Of Henry. Before doing anything rash. Won't you?"

"Yes. Yes of course I will."

Rowen nodded. "All right," she said. "Good." Then she leaned in to meet Maddy's lips with another tender kiss. As Maddy returned it she realized with a start that for a moment she hadn't been thinking of her family - all she wanted was to be with Rowen, no matter what it took. Wasn't that love?

 

"Goodness, Rowen, there are you - how the lady Madeline takes so long to get ready of a morning these days I simply cannot fathom! Well, never mind, we'll be needing you to go into town with Charlie for some last-minute supplies - apparently we're to expect three extra for dinner tonight."

Springing immediately back into the action, Rowen nodded, heading over to where Mrs Fisk was busy poring over a growing list of groceries.

"Oh, Rowen, dearie - I'm going to need as many apples as Mrs. Stewart will sell you, and none of those small, mealy ones. Make sure you tell her to check the back, she always tries to say she's not got any more when really she's hiding them all back there for God knows what reason."

"I'll do my best, Mrs Fisk."

"Good girl. Now hurry up, shoo!"

 

"...and d'you know, she's never late. Every night, dinner's ready exactly on time and yet somehow she's in a mad rush all day panicking that it won't be."

"I always thought that's what good cooks did - part of their secret, maybe," Charlie said with a chuckle.

"Mm, perhaps so - oh, stop - Charlie, could you stop here, please?" Rowen said, then, leaping out of the car as soon as the young man complied, and trotting across to the roadside, neatly hopping the ditch and taking a few steps into the woods by the side of the road. Charlie watched on in mild bemusement as Rowen gathered together a generous bunch of the full-blooming bluebells that scattered across the woodland floor.

"Something else for Mrs. Fisk?" he asked, amused, as Rowen climbed back into the car. "I'm not sure those were on the list..."

The maid chuckled. "No, no. They're for Madeline's room - she was just saying the other day how glad she was that the bluebells were out - they're late this year."

"Ah. That's kind, I'm sure she'll appreciate it."

Rowen smiled a little. "I'm sure," she murmured.

 

"Oh! Look at these, aren't they lovely?"

Sophie glanced across at the dresser, where the little vase of bluebells sat. "Strange, there are none in my room," was all she said.

Smiling, Maddy turned the vase slightly, watching the tiny flowers shiver with the movement. Eventually she blinked, coming back to herself and looking back at her sister. "I'm sorry, which necklace was it you said you wanted to borrow again?"

"The pearls. Unless you're planning to wear them for darling Jeremy."

Maddy paused, looking slightly surprised at this news. "No one told me Jeremy was coming."

"What?" Sophie glanced over, looking confused. "Oh, you must have heard, Maddy."

"No. Nobody thought to mention it to me, apparently."

"How funny. Well, I suppose everyone assumed Jeremy was here to see you and so he would have written," Sophie said casually. "Is this box the pearls?"

"No, Rowen stores them over here now," Maddy said, frowning as she opened a drawer to retrieve the necklace. "Here."

"You really shouldn't let your maid rearrange your things entirely, you know," Sophie said as she took the necklace, stooping to see herself in the mirror as she held it up around her neck. "I make sure Mary puts everything just where I'd like it."

Maddy leaned to one side, making a face up at her sister. "She's the one who has to tidy everything away - shouldn't she have a choice in where it goes?"

"Because she's staff for goodness' sake."

"So what, you get to decide your necklaces go in a particular place because that's where they're prettiest?"

"Or whatever I like, yes." Sophie tutted. "No, these are too long - you and your great long neck and your pointy collarbones, these are no good for me. Can i wear your cameo?"

"Yes, fine, just... take it," Maddy said, rolling her eyes.

"You won't be in the green silk, then? You always wear the cameo with the green silk, and you always wear the green silk when you're trying to impress someone." Sophie's gaze was just a shade too sharp. "Or don't you need to impress Jeremy any more?"

"I've known Jeremy since we were both babies. I think if I was going to try to impress him my chance has already passed, Sophie."

"Mm. Well. Anyway. I should wear the blue, with your silver cross. Uncle Gerry will like it. You know how religious he is, and if you're going to marry his son..."

"Here," Maddy said, pressing the necklace into her sister's hands and then giving her a less than gentle shove towards the door. "Goodbye, Sophie."

 

"I would've said something this morning," Rowen said, pinning another lock of hair in place, "but I assumed you must know already. I'm sorry, cariad."

"No, no, it isn't your fault. I just feel like such an idiot - I should have known."

"Well, no matter, eh?" Rowen said, adding some clasps to Maddy's hair to keep it in place before dipping her head to press a kiss where her neck met her shoulders.

Maddy shivered, tipping her head back to rest her cheek against Rowen's. "I wish I didn't have to go down there - Uncle Gerry is dreadfully stiff, and dinner's going to be as dull as anything. I'd rather stay up here with just you. And maybe Henry," she added as an afterthought.

"Nice though your brother is, I'm not sure what he'd think to the idea of spending his evening with a maid..."

"Henry would love to spend time with you!" Maddy protested then. "He's not spoiled, like my sister. He wouldn't care if you were a maid, not if I said..."

Rowen glanced at Maddy in the mirror, raising her eyebrows.

"If I said that you were special to me," Maddy finished stubbornly, her jaw set.

"A special dresser," Rowen said matter-of-factly. "A special bringer of tea." She shook her head. "Sometimes, Maddy, I think you forget where we really are."

"How can you say that? Of course I don't - I can't! But Henry's not like the others, and he wouldn't think that."

"You don't really know what he might think," Rowen said, though her tone was still gentle enough.

"No, you don't." Maddy pushed herself up, pacing across the room in a sweep of skirts. "Besides, it was a stupid thing to say. It's not as if I could stay up here - I don't have any choice in the matter."

"All right then," Rowen said, bobbing her head, her tone neutral, though Maddy spotted the slight flash of irritation to her eyes.

"What?" she asked, her tone slightly sharper than she would've liked, on consideration.

"All right... my lady?" Rowen suggested now.

Maddy winced, her lips curving into a frown. "No, that's not what I- nevermind. I'm going down to dinner."

"No, wait-" Rowen darted forward, then, catching Maddy by her upper arms. "Maddy, this is hard for me too. You realise that, don't you?"

"Of course I do, but..."

"But, what - you think it's harder for you, sitting at your beautiful dining table wearing a beautiful gown, drinking wine and eating fine food while I stand downstairs cleaning your dishes?" Rowen said now, a little sharply, eyes searching Maddy's face for some response.

"No!" Maddy gasped, paling under the other woman's gaze. "That's not... that's not what I thought at all. Do you really think me so spoiled as to bemoan the luxuries I enjoy while knowing you, who deserves them far more, gets nothing?"

"Then..." Rowen frowned a little, then shook her head slightly, her grip on Maddy's upper arms relaxing. "Have a nice dinner," she said quietly. "I'll see you later on." She leaned in and kissed Maddy then - on the lips, as usual, but lightly, as though unsure it would be welcome at present. Maddy returned the kiss but pulled away shortly after, hurrying downstairs to greet their guests and leaving Rowen alone once more in the bedroom.

 

Dinner was, as Maddy predicted, a dull affair, made excruciating by Jeremy's presence and the fact that, no matter what Maddy might've decided on the subject, most of the other people at the table obviously still expected her and Jeremy to spring up at any moment and announce their engagement. Jeremy wasn't much help, either, merely playing coy without overtly shutting down anybody's suggestions to the contrary.

Both Jeremy and Henry clearly expected Maddy to join them for cards and drinks after dinner, as was usual when all three were at the house, but she declined, wanting nothing more than to hide in her room from everyone - Jeremy, her parents... even Rowen, who seemed to have suddenly decided she was no better than her sister, a spoiled brat with nothing better to do but to moan about her 'difficult' life.

Her room was empty when she reached it - empty, and cold, the fire having been allowed to die down considerably since she'd left, and not having been revived yet as she wasn't expected upstairs for some time. With a frown Maddy marched over to the hearth and picked up the poker, shoving it into the embers and stirring it around until the ash began to fly up and settle on the hem of her dress. Tutting, she reached to brush it off, leaving grey smears on both the fabric and her hands and making herself even more frustrated.

With a sharp sigh of annoyance she dropped the poker, stalking over to her vanity and sitting down to better reach the hem. She had taken slightly more wine than usual at dinner, mainly to try and quaff her rising irritation, and it made her fingers clumsy as she dabbed at the fabric with a handkerchief.

It was in this position that she found herself when her maid let herself quietly into the room. Looking up almost guiltily, Maddy then stood, swaying slightly as she shook her skirts out as if to hide her mistake. "I wasn't expecting you," she said with a frown. Then, appropo of nothing, "The room's cold."

Rowen visibly bit back her first response. "I'll see to the fire," she said, making her way over to the dying embers. Maddy watched her competently attend to the fire, stirring up the dying coals and then adding some more and fanning them until the hearth began to glow. Even in the simmering state she had gotten herself into Maddy couldn't help but admit to herself how beautiful the other woman was, how alluring her graceful movements and quick hands.

The maid wore black, of course, so any soot on her hem wouldn't show, but as she turned around again Maddy felt sure that there probably wasn't any - her apron was still spotless. "Will you be readying for bed, m'lady?"

"I... yes. Thank you."

Nodding a little, Rowen approached to stand by the end of the bed, where Maddy usually stood to be undressed for the night. Maddy didn't join her immediately, instead wrapping her arms around herself and scuffing her foot along the floral rug.

Rowen obviously tried not to let her impatience show but Maddy heard the slight tut before she enquired, "M'lady?"

"I don't want you to-- I've changed my mind. I'll do it myself," Maddy said, frowning and turning away to begin unclasping her hair with trembling hands.

This time the sigh was unmistakable, and she heard Rowen tread across the floor toward her. "Don't be ridiculous," she said, covering Maddy's hands with hers.

"I'm not being ridiculous," the other woman protested. "You're right, I can't expect you not to resent me if I expect you to tend to my every need."

"I don't resent you, now come on," Rowen said matter-of-factly, pulling Maddy's hands away from her hair, clasping them in her own, albeit not particularly tenderly. Maddy frowned, then tugged her hands away, turning to face the other woman once more.

"You've always been honest with me before. Why won't you now?" she demanded, blinking rapidly.

"I don't know what you mean. I told you, I don't resent you, now would you just-" Rowen, reached for Maddy's shoulders, now, presumably to turn her again so that she could unfasten her dress, but the other woman stepped towards her instead, cutting off her words with a sudden insistent kiss. Rowen was too surprised to resist at first, and when she did, pulling back and opening her mouth to speak again, Maddy simply leaned in and caught her lips again with her own, hands cupping Rowen's face. Her kisses were intense, almost desperate, and Rowen could only hold back for so long before responding in kind, her grip tightening again on Maddy's shoulders, fingers biting almost painfully into her skin as her tongue flickered between the other woman's lips.

With a whimper Maddy began to push Rowen towards the bed, her hands leaving the other woman's face and sliding down her front, over her breasts and stomach until they reached her hips, and those hips shifted a little against her of their own accord as Rowen felt the bed against the back of her legs and allowed herself to be borne down onto it, unsure quite what was going on but apparently thus far going along with it. Maddy shifted until she could slide a thigh between the other woman's legs, rocking forward as she caught Rowen's lower lip between her teeth.

"God..." Rowen moved against Maddy in spite of herself, her hands beginning to roam across the other woman's body even as she glanced toward the door.

"Look at me," Maddy urged, her voice thick with need, and the other woman turned back, feeling an immediate plunge of arousal as she took in Maddy's expression. The other woman's normally bright blue eyes were dark, her cheeks flushed as she moved against Rowen once more, a tremor running through her own body at the contact.

Any hesitation Rowen had felt seemed to fly away in the face of this, and she lifted her lips to Maddy's again, kissing her almost hard enough to bruise as her hands slid to cup the other womans' rear, pulling her closer. Maddy moaned against her mouth, loudly this time, her hands shaking as she once again ran them up, over the other woman's breasts. Rowen's own fingers began to slip up across Maddy's sides, now, and round to her back, beginning to work at the fastenings of her dress. Squirming, the younger woman broke the kiss only to press her lips to Rowen's jaw, then her neck, nipping lightly at the delicate skin there. Sucking in a shuddering breath, Rowen somehow managed to unbutton Maddy's dress and was now teasing at the ties of her corset.

Later Maddy wouldn't be able to explain how she moved quite so quickly, thanking her reflexes for the leap that took her off the bed at the sound of the doorknob turning and the door creaking open. Rowen sat bolt upright as well as Sophie pushed her way into the room, though she stopped to eye the two women suspiciously. "What?" she asked, looking unimpressed. "I was just bringing back your necklace."

Heart pounding, Maddy tried to feign indifference, clearing her throat and motioning towards the vanity. "You can just put it there. I was in the middle of undressing for bed."

For her own part Rowen at least had the presence of mind to reach from where she sat for the ties of the Maddy's corset, acting as though her being seated was quite intentional, possibly necessary, for her current work.

Sophie sniffed and made her way across the room, depositing the necklace on the dresser. "I'm surprised you're not still downstairs with Henry and Jeremy. Aren't you three supposed to be great chums?"

"I'm tired."

"Not like you to be tired. Perhaps I'll go down an entertain them myself."

"Go on, then."

Sophie raised her eyebrows. "You don't care?"

"Why should I?" Maddy asked, hoping her cheeks had begun to cool a bit by now. "Henry's your brother too. You ought to spend time with him while he's home."

"Mm. Well." Sophie's eyes narrowed a little, her gaze shifting between Maddy and her maid, as though there was something she couldn't quite put her finger on. "How're you sleeping nowadays?" she asked now, suddenly.

"I... a little better. Thank you for your eventual concern."

"So I suppose poor Rowen will get a bit of a break from sitting by your bedside every night, then."

"Mm." Maddy squirmed; the touch of the other woman's fingers at her back wasn't helping her composure. "You're showing quite a lot of sympathy for someone who was 'just staff' earlier today."

Sophie seemed somewhat taken aback that Maddy would make reference to this in front of the staff member in question, but she recovered quickly. "I don't believe that's quite what I said," she said coolly. "And respecting the staff means making sure they don't do more than they should - it's only fair. If this malaise is going to linger perhaps you should speak to Mama - she could arrange with Mrs Gorey to release Rowen from some of her day duties to care for you. Although it would be only fair that you stop torturing yourself at that hospital in return, of course..."

"I said I was feeling better," Maddy said through gritted teeth, wishing her sister would just leave. "So that won't be necessary."

"Well, do let me know if you'd like me to speak to mother for you."

"I can speak to Mama on my own, Sophie."

Sophie pursed her lips. She didn't know what she was onto, but she knew she was onto something. "Just offering to help, Maddy, no need to be so sharp."

Maddy forced a smile, though she knew Sophie wouldn't be fooled by it. "I'm sorry. I'm just... tired, as I said. Thank you for your concern - I don't want to bother anybody just yet. If I need to I'll speak to Mama about reassigning Rowen myself, but I really don't think that will be necessary."

The other woman smiled sweetly at this, apparently deciding that she'd had enough of tormenting Maddy for one night, for she nodded then. "All right, well, good night," she said, before sweeping back out of the room without even waiting for a reply.

With a heavy sigh Maddy sank down on the bed beside her maid, her hands trembling slightly as her earlier shock and panic rushed back to her. "My God..."

For her own part Rowen had dropped her head into her hands, her body hunched, and smaller than Maddy had ever seen it. It was after a long moment that she noticed the slight shake to the other woman's shoulders as she struggled to contain herself.

"Oh, Rowen, don't..." Maddy reached out, hating the fact that she hesitated before putting a hand on the other woman's shoulder. "Please..."

It seemed, though, that now that she'd started, she wasn't going to stop, though she didn't move from her place, hands pressed tightly to her face, her whole frame tense as she held in her sobs, only the tiniest sounds emerging from her throat as she swallowed them.

Throwing her caution to the wind, Maddy put both arms around the other woman, hugging her tightly. Rowen didn't move, just sitting just as she was, those anguished little hiccups the only sound in the room.

"She didn't see anything, she doesn't know," Maddy murmured, unsure if this was in fact the case but unable to say anything else. "We're safe, I promise you, we're safe..."

"No, we're not," Rowen said finally, her voice muffled with her hands. "We'll never be safe, not properly."

"We just have to be more careful, I should have known Sophie would come to return the necklace, I just wasn't thinking..."

"Neither of us were."

"Yes, but next, time-"

"There's not going to be a next time," Rowen cut in, finally lifting her head to look at Maddy. Her face was a little less messy than Maddy had feared it might be - her eyes were red, but she seemed to have held herself together remarkably well for someone in such pain. "There isn't going to be a next time," she said again, "not for that. We... can't do that. We can't just spontaneously be with one another that way - it's amazing we weren't caught long before now. We don't have that luxury, the luxury of losing control, of forgetting where we are."

"B-but I don't know if I can be near you and not... I love you, Rowen," Maddy said, her chest aching as she drew in one deep, shuddering breath after another. "I can't go back to the way things were, not after..."

"Oh, God, Maddy, no, I couldn't either," Rowen said, turning and reaching at last for Maddy's hands. "I mean that... it has to be very late - or very early. In private, when there's no one looking for us, no one wondering where we are. We've been careless - we're still careless." She shook her head. "We can't afford to do that."

Maddy nodded numbly, relieved at least that the other woman wasn't saying 'never again'. She gripped Rowen's hand tightly, hanging on to the one anchor she had in a world of confusion and uncertainty. "All right. Whatever you say. I'll... do anything."

"But Maddy... I can't spend the night any more. You know that, don't you? Mary's obviously been speaking to your sister, so it's not about what Sophie sees, it's about what Mary sees..."

"No, I know, you're right... I know."

"I'm sorry, cariad"

Maddy shook her head, squeezing Rowen's hand. "It's not your fault. I'm sorry too."

 

They did make love that night - later, after Maddy had changed and was in bed and after they'd read and talked a while. Rowen lay above the covers, kept her apron on. She wouldn't let Maddy touch her.

After she left Maddy tried not to cry - they were safe, Rowen was still hers - but somehow the tears came anyway, soaking into her pillow as she hugged it to herself, a poor substitute for the woman who ought to have been in her arms instead.

 

"Are you sure you want to go to the hospital today, Maddy darling? You really look very tired... we could just stop in and then I could drive you around a bit and then home?"

Maddy frowned, her arms wrapped around herself despite the relative warmth of the car's interior. "They're expecting me all day."

"All right, I just thought I'd offer," Jeremy said with a light shrug, eyes still on the road ahead. He was better on this visit than he had been when Maddy had seen him last - not back to his old self, by a long way - much quieter, more reserved, a little thinner. But he was at least smiling and taking part in conversations again. "Truly, Maddy, are you sure you're well? It's not like you to go to bed early like that."

The young woman sighed, pursing her lips. "Thank you for your concern, but I am fine. I'm sorry I didn't join you after dinner, but I'm sure you and Henry had a perfectly nice time without me."

"Sophie came down for a bit, but yes, it was mostly me and Henry. But... well, you were missed."

"Mm."

Jeremy glanced sideways briefly. "Something on your mind, darling?"

"Please don't call me that," Maddy snapped, frowning.

"What?" The car swerved, just very slightly, as Jeremy turned his head to stare for a moment. Fortunately they were on a straight patch of road and so no harm was done before his eyes were front again. "I've always called you that."

"I know," Maddy replied, furrowing her brow. "I'm sorry. I... don't know why I said that."

Jeremy seemed to take a decision then, for he pulled over to the side of the road, and stopped the car, turning to look at his cousin.

"Maddy," he began, then seemed to stall. Collecting himself, he began again "Maddy, you should never have been forced to see me like that. I wish every day that you hadn't. And I feel all the worse now, knowing that it's coming between us."

"No, Jeremy, you were in pain," she protested, her natural compassion pushing past the layers of resentment and worry that had been building over the past days and weeks. "I was glad to be there for you - I'm still glad that I was there. No one should have to go through the d- that alone."

Her cousin didn't seem to know what to say to this, his brow furrowing in confusion now. "Then why are you so... forgive me, Maddy, you just seemed to angry, somehow, I..."

She sighed, shaking her head. "I am angry. But not at you. I'm sorry."

"Won't you tell me about it? I promise you, whatever it is, you can talk to me."

Maddy hesitated. If she could speak to anyone about her troubles, it would be Jeremy - after all, she was almost certain he wouldn't be shocked (would he?) and he couldn't tell anybody for fear of reprisal (not that she would). He was one of her oldest and dearest friends, and the need to speak to someone about the turmoil she felt was almost overwhelming. But what would Rowen think? Would she consider it a betrayal? "I don't know, Jeremy. I think perhaps the less we speak of it, the better."

"So there is something? Come, Maddy, what could it possibly be that you couldn't tell me?"

"It's... a very private matter."

Jeremy frowned deeply, leaning toward her, suddenly more worried than ever. "Oh, Maddy, you're not... ill or something, are you? I couldn't bear it..."

"No, no! I'm fine, Jeremy, I promise you," Maddy said, shaking her head.

"Then what, Maddy? Have you..." His eyes widened. "Have you met someone? Is it one of the soldiers?"

"N-no. I mean, yes, but..."

"But what, d-Maddy?" Jeremy asked, expression sincere as he leaned forward a little again. "Why would you be angry? Oh God, is this some class thing - I swear, if I have to speak to your father his behalf, I will in a second, I'll do anything I can to h-"

"It's Rowen!" Maddy blanched, having surprised even herself with this outburst.

Jeremy blinked. "Rowen?" he said, pronouncing the name a little awkwardly, the word unfamiliar to him. "Should I know who that is?"

"...my lady's maid," she mumbled, her cheeks now scarlet with embarrassment. "She's my maid."

At first, Jeremy still didn't seem to understand, his brow still furrowed, and for a long, horrible moment, Maddy thought she'd got it all wrong - about Frank, about everything. Then comprehension dawned, and the young man's eyes widened. He looked behind himself, almost as though he expected to see a magistrate or policeman standing right behind him. "Christ, Maddy, does she know?"

"Does she... yes, of course she knows," Maddy said, blinking. "But that doesn't matter, because... it's impossible, Jeremy. Everything about it is... impossible."

"She knows." Jeremy's expression grew more thoughtful. "She knows, so you two..."

Maddy wasn't sure where he was leading, and she let the silence stretch out until it seemed too loud to continue. "I love her. And she loves me. And if there was any way that we could be with one another without suspicion or fear of discovery then I would take it, whatever it was. But I can't think of any way to do that and... I suppose that's what makes me seem so angry."

"I see."

Even if he wasn't rushing home to tell her parents Maddy wasn't sure that sharing her secret with Jeremy had been the right choice. She swallowed, trying not to let her apprehension show. "I'm sorry. I only meant to explain what it was that was upsetting me. This... isn't a problem you need concern yourself with."

Jeremy looked a little saddened by this, for some reason, but he only reached out to take Maddy's hand in his. "I'm glad you told me," he said, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. "Don't be sorry." Sitting back, he gave her a reassuring smile. "Right," he went on. "Your soldiers will be wondering where you've got to."

"Um, right. Drive on, I suppose?"

 

Jeremy said nothing else on the drive to the hospital, though he did, Maddy thought, give her an extra tight hug before leaving again, promising to pick her up in the afternoon. She admitted to a certain amount of trepidation - she didn't think that he would betray her, but all the same it felt disconcerting to speak of her secret to anyone. She tried to shrug off her worries and go about her duties as usual; she had started to help with a few of the lighter nursing duties, mainly changing bandages and bedsheets, and needed all her concentration to focus on the tasks at hand.

Following the renewed conflicts in Ypres the hospital numbers had swelled somewhat, with a number of men there recovering from lung damage following the gas attacks, and so Maddy was now seeing first hand the damage they had done. It was a horrible sight, and it made her all the more anxious for Henry; though he was safe for now he was going back soon enough, and it would be naive to think the Allies had seen the last of the gas attacks.

Somewhat drained by her day, Maddy was mostly glad when Jeremy seemed as preoccupied as she was on the way home. She tried to engage him in idle chat and promised to join them after dinner as she had neglected to the night before, but still there was a sense of relief when they arrived back at Woodhall and climbed out of the tiny motorcar.

She thought perhaps it was her strange mood that made her think that dinner was a slightly odd, awkward affair. Her father, usually one to put all his attention to his food at meals, tonight seemed unable to keep his gaze still, looking between Maddy, Jeremy and his son with what seemed to be almost mild bemusement.

Sophie seemed just as irked by this behavior as her siblings, though unlike them she expressed this by chattering quite loudly nearly throughout the entire meal - without much apparent effect.

 

At the end of dinner, however, all was revealed, when Jeremy stood, clearing his throat for attention.

"I have, er, well, not an announcement, exactly," he said, smiling in that charming but entirely falsely nervous fashion he did when he had the attention of others.

"You all know, I suppose, that Maddy and I have had, well, something of an understanding, these past few months," he said. "But during her visit to London, and during just the past day, I feel like I've come to understand better just how... suited we are. So I wanted to announce that I spoke to Sir Henry today after lunch, asking him for Madeline's hand in marriage. Maddy," he said now, turning his attention just to her, "I won't beat about the bush. I think you'd make us both very happy if you'd be my wife."

Maddy's eyes opened wide in shock - this was what had occupied Jeremy's thoughts all evening? And he hadn't thought to tell her beforehand, and he was springing it on her now? She realized after a moment that everyone was staring at her; the room was silent. "Jeremy, I don't know what to say..."

Jeremy seemed to be ready for this. "That's all right, Maddy," he said, "I can wait - but I really think, this past little while, I've come to understand just how right we are for one another. I truly hope you'll consent."

She nodded - trying to ignore the look that Henry was giving her - and smiled at him wanly. "Of course. Um. Thank you."

"'Thank you' will do for now," Jeremy said lightly, easily making a joke of her reply. "You can give me a row for doing this in public over the chessboard this evening."

What remained of the meal was even stranger than before; her mother and Sophie bombarded her with questions, mainly to do with why she didn't instantly accept, and her father and Henry kept a close eye on her, though thankfully they raised no similar concerns.

 

"Sorry about that," Jeremy murmured as they took their seats at opposite sides of a chessboard in the smaller sitting room, Henry having chosen to tactfully absent himself, at least for now. "Never could resist the opportunity to make a scene." He smiled thinly, gaze trained on Maddy - he didn't even make a token move on the chessboard.

She raised her eyebrows, unsure how 'alone' they were, even in the empty room. "Well, you certainly did that. If I were to say no I think Mama and Sophie might murder me in my sleep."

Jeremy pursed his lips. "Maddy, there's something you should know about me," he said quietly, as though he, too, couldn't be sure there wasn't someone listening in. "I'm wondering whether you already do."

"I think perhaps the less we speak about that, the better," she murmured, echoing her earlier words in the car. "But... yes. I believe I may."

Her cousin nodded. "This... this thing of yours. You're sure about it? You don't think it will pass with time, or that it's a..." He made an apologetic face before going on, "a one-off?"

Maddy's eyes widened and she shook her head emphatically. "No! Most certainly not."

"Then marry me," Jeremy said, leaning forward a little, his expression more intense now as he reached for her hand. "Maddy, darling, this is hard enough for me, and I'm a man - I can travel where I like, spend months living alone in London, and if I remain unmarried, well, what's the harm to me? At worst I'm inconvenienced by constant harassment from my mother to do so. But you..." He shook his head. "Think about it. Think about what it could mean for you, living in a house with a man who you don't have to hide from, who'll protect you."

"Oh..." Jeremy's words gradually sank in; what he said did have a ring of truth of to it. Though she hadn't given much thought to the fact that she would still be expected to marry and the fact that hiding her feelings for Rowen would be even more difficult once she had, she could recognize that marrying Jeremy would erase all of that, leaving her to... what? Be with the woman she loved without fear of discovery or punishment? Blinking, Maddy bit her lip, unsure whether to believe it was truly as simple as he said. "But you won't... resent me? For not being a true wife to you?"

"Why should I? 'True' will mean something different for us. Why would I resent you for keeping from me something that I don't ask for, don't expect?"

"I suppose that's true..."

"I mean..." Something seemed to occur to Jeremy, but he shook his head, moving on. "It wouldn't be perfect, of course," he said. "I can't promise that things will be easy all the time, and I can't rewrite everything and make Rowen your social equal, able to come out with you to galas and dinners, on your arm every day. But if we lived between Scotland and London while my parents are still alive, she'd be with you every day. Our estate in the Borders is very quiet, very out of the way, and with Rowen as your lady's maid, with you everywhere you go... d'you see?" Jeremy prompted now, his own mind obviously working quickly as he examined Maddy's options for her even as Maddy herself was having trouble keeping up.

"But surely it can't be that easy," Maddy said, still refusing to give in to the feeling of relief that threatened to break over her. "People like us, we don't... it's not supposed to work like that."

"Why shouldn't it?" Jeremy pushed. "Why shouldn't it, if we have the power to make it that way?" His fingers tightened around hers, "Maddy," he went on, now, swallowing heavily before continuing, "the man I love is dead. I'm never getting him back, I'll never see him again, and I don't think I could ever feel that way about anyone else. But I canmake your life better, and to the advantage of us both. Truly, can you see any reason why this is a bad idea?"

Slowly she shook her head, realizing that she was gripping his fingers just as tightly as he gripped hers. "No, I cannot. It just seems too good to be true." She smiled, then, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "I still... may I have tonight? To... speak to her?" Morag Hannah

"Of course. All the time you need, Maddy." Jeremy smirked dryly. "It's not as though I'm going off the market."

 

Eventually Maddy made her way upstairs, still slightly in a daze despite having spent a significant amount of time chatting with Jeremy, and when he came in eventually, Henry. The topics they had covered had been mundane enough, which was fortunate because Maddy's mind was still buzzing with Jeremy's proposal. She knew Henry wanted to speak to her about it but escaped before he could catch her alone; there would be time for that later. For now she needed to speak to Rowen, and Rowen alone.

Rowen was already there when she arrived in her room, looking a little out of breath, as though she'd got word that Maddy was on her way and had accordingly run upstairs to beat her.

"Downstairs is buzzing with the news," she said, stepping forward to catch Maddy's hands.

"Do you understand what it means?" Maddy asked, trembling with excitement. "For us?"

Rowen seemed a little more reserved at first, her brow furrowing thoughtfully. "Well, perhaps, love, but you can't be sure of that - I mean, does he know about you? About me? You can't know if-"

"He knows. I... spoke to him earlier, he noticed my mood and somehow... it came out." Maddy blushed. "But he wants to protect us, Rowen, he wants to help us... can you imagine?"

Rowen looked as nonplussed as Maddy had felt earlier that evening - the idea that their worries and dangers might be gone, or at least short-lived, seemed almost impossible to believe. "He... he said that?"

"He did, yes," Maddy said, squeezing Rowen's hands.

Rowen nodded. "So... are you going to accept, then?"

"I know it seems strange, but... I cannot see a reason why I should not. Jeremy is a good man, and a good friend, and I certainly cannot see any other option that would... protect us better. You would have to be content to remain my maid, though," she said then, frowning slightly. "At least in name."

The other woman seemed to consider this for a long moment. "We would still have to lie," she said. "Often. Could you bear that?"

"I could bear anything if it meant being with you."

The other woman smiled, releasing Maddy's hands to pull her into a hug. "And me as well."

"Then I shall tell him yes," Maddy said as she pulled back slightly, grinning.